In the words of Michael Scott, “I love SWAG!!” I don’t know what it is, but there’s just something about the free stuff we all get.

When I’m at conferences, I’m easily as concerned with hitting up all the booths as I am with what the speakers are saying. Sad isn’t it? I run around from booth to booth amassing as much craps as possible – keychains, magnets, pens, lanyards… And there’s no other time in my life when I care so much about pamphlets. It makes no sense.

Having a baby creates a similar experience. The hospital throws all kinds of baby stuff at you (diapers, towels, shirts, etc). Nice gesture? Yes. One which I plan to take advantage of? Absolutely. I imagine it will go a little something like this…

Me: Can we please get another batch of those expensive name-brand diapers?
Nurse: Um, he’s already gone through the 37 we gave you?
Me: Yeah…I think he’s got diarrhea or something.
Nurse: [piercing glare into my soul]
Me: Uh, it must have been something he ate.
Nurse: In the uterus?
[Silence]
Me: …I think I hear my phone. You can just put them by the door.

Believe it or not, I’ve actually found a way to justify this. Its some pretty complex logic, but it works.