In the words of Michael Scott, “I love SWAG!!” I don’t know what it is, but there’s just something about the free stuff we all get.

When I’m at conferences, I’m easily as concerned with hitting up all the booths as I am with what the speakers are saying. Sad isn’t it? I run around from booth to booth amassing as much craps as possible – keychains, magnets, pens, lanyards… And there’s no other time in my life when I care so much about pamphlets. It makes no sense.

Having a baby creates a similar experience. The hospital throws all kinds of baby stuff at you (diapers, towels, shirts, etc). Nice gesture? Yes. One which I plan to take advantage of? Absolutely. I imagine it will go a little something like this…

Me: Can we please get another batch of those expensive name-brand diapers?
Nurse: Um, he’s already gone through the 37 we gave you?
Me: Yeah…I think he’s got diarrhea or something.
Nurse: [piercing glare into my soul]
Me: Uh, it must have been something he ate.
Nurse: In the uterus?
[Silence]
Me: …I think I hear my phone. You can just put them by the door.

Believe it or not, I’ve actually found a way to justify this. Its some pretty complex logic, but it works.

My wife grew up in a family where it is totally acceptable, when receiving a gift that you don’t like, to immediately admit that A) you don’t like it and B) you will probably take it back.

I grew up in a family where the slightest indication that you didn’t like what you just opened would crush the soul of the gift-giver. To this day, I would rather just suck it up and wear the oversized, faded green Duck Head mock turtleneck than tell my aunt I don’t wear that stuff…anymore.

I’m sure you can imagine the awkwardness that ensues in my family when I give Amy something she doesn’t like. I’m still recovering from those earrings I gave her two Christmases ago.

Rummikub is the second greatest game of all time. Its better than Poker, Sudoku, Cranium, and Hockey…combined. When I think of Thanksgiving, I don’t think of turkey. I think of our family’s all night Rummikub-fests and how I owned the room.

There is one game that is better, however. It was invented by my brother Bryan a few years ago. Out of nowhere he said to me, “I’ll give you a million dollars if you can name the person I’m thinking of right now.”
“A million…wait…what?”
“A mil for the person I’m thinking of.”
“I don’t know. Benito Santiago?”
“No. The correct answer is that guy who used to work at the baseball card shop.”
“Oh. Do I at least get something for my guess?”
“No. That’s not how it works. You get nothing.”

And the rest is history. The topic list is endless – movie, year, two word rhyme scheme, element, president, professional athlete, college, food, book, restaurant, time of day, etc. The odds of actually guessing one are around 300 to 1. But man, when you get one right…there’s only like 12 greater feelings on earth.

You can play it anywhere, with anyone. And its great for car rides. It makes a 5 hour drive feel like, I don’t know, 4.5 at the most.

I’m not a morning person. I never have been. I was talking about that with my wife today and came to a huge realization (a realization that is going to radically change my life). Once I get in the shower in the morning, I’m fine. When I get a cup of coffee, I’m double fine. It doesn’t matter what time it is as long as those things happen.

What’s miserable (and what makes me “not a morning person”) are those two minutes between my alarm going off and the hot water actually hitting my body. So the deadly realization here is that I’ve been avoiding those early morning hours like the plague because I don’t want to deal with two minutes of discomfort. Two freaking minutes.

So, starting tomorrow, I’m going to wake up at 6:00 A.M. for 30 consecutive days in hopes that a habit forms and my life changes forever.

I’m embarrassed to actually admit this. I used to try to argue people into Christianity. Seriously. I would think of really crafty and cutting ways to show that I was right and they were wrong. I would spend time studying ways to defend myself and ways to make my “opponents” feel stupid. Then someone got pissed and jacked me in the eye. Surprisingly, that’s not what changed me.

What changed me was actually reading the Gospels. They don’t really endorse that. So many of us need to find a different way to say what we want to say.