I’ve been writing a mock infomercial for an upcoming project we’re doing, and in the process I’ve had the pleasure of getting to do a little research on some of the beauties that are out there (the 98% that star Billy Mays and the 2% that wish they did). Now I love a good infomercial product as much as the next guy (I bought P90X within 4 minutes of seeing that glorious infomercial), but there are a few products that need to go away…far, far away. Here are my bottom five:

Designer Snuggie – We’ve all ripped on the Snuggie (or what I like to call The Backwards Robe) at one time or another. I think Letterman nailed it when he dubbed it “the opposite of lingerie”. But are we really to the point where a Designer Snuggie is necessary? Are these for the times you just wouldn’t be caught dead wearing your burgundy one out on the town?

Prayer cross – I can’t believe Christian bookstores haven’t beaten infomercials to the punch here. Who needs to carry a Bible when you can wear one instead?

Bender Ball – This product might not actually be that bad, but when two of the first three sentences in the opening testimonial are “I love my abdominals”, it is destined to make it on this list. Please, please watch the first 7 seconds of the commercial if you don’t know what I’m talking about.

Bedazzler – Does this need an explanation? Please tell me you’ve never bedazzled something. Tripp bedazzles his designer jeans, but if anyone can pull it off, he can.

Clever Clasp – there’s nothing I trust more to hold my expensive gold and diamonds in place than some magnet I got off of an infomercial. My family actually doesn’t use seatbelts anymore…just four Clever Clasps.