Baby Puberty
March 24th, 2009 - Uncategorized - 10 Comments »I recently heard about this crazy phenomenon known as newborn acne. Seriously. Apparently it’s really normal for infants to have it. Needless to say, this has caused me to think about what this world would be like if newborns naturally experienced some of the other misfortunes that accompany puberty. Just imagine…
Baby Armpit Hair – Imagine you’re tickling your little one. He laughs so hard he throws his hands in the air, revealing two tiny tufts of pit hair. That’s enough tickling for now.
Baby Voice Cracking – Imagine your baby crying for milk when all of the sudden his voice cracks, he gets really embarrassed, shouts “forget it! I hate you!” Then he crawls into his room, slams the door, and listens to Nirvana until dinner.
Baby Thin-Stache – Imagine Dad trying to subtly imply to his 6-week-old that he should start shaving that mysterious mess on his upper lip. Baby defends his thin-stache, saying it makes him feel more grown up.
Baby B.O. – Imagine smelling what you think is a dirty diaper, only to find out that it’s baby B.O. He must have worn himself out playing in his crib. Its OK, though. Before you can do anything about it, he’s doused himself in Axe Body Spray like every other well-intentioned male who is going through puberty. Now your entire house smells like Summer Sport Mist.
Baby Adam’s Apple - Imagine kissing your Baby’s neck and accidentally cutting your lip on his huge, sharp, neck nugget. You duck down in pain. All of the sudden you hear James Earl Jones offer you a band-aid, only to look up and discover that it was your Baby.
What other puberty misfortunes would be funny for a baby to experience?
NOTE: If you’ve read this already, check out the disclaimer post below.
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Yes, baby acne is real. It can be gross — especially when your little cutie has a nice fat white one that you just wanna…”deal with”. Just let it be man…
This is one of the best blog posts of 2009. (I know it’s early, but still.)
Tyler didn’t you hit puberty pretty early? Weren’t you the tall guy that shaved in 7th grade?
this. is. uh.may.zing.
Mr. Bean’s head on a poor helpless child is the stuff nightmares are made of… other than the unnatural early puberty, this poor kiddo is going to find himself compelled to put a Thanksgiving turkey on his head.
good choice
That’s just weird. I like it.
You should check this out, more insanity. Take a father’s face and swap it for his son’s: http://manbabies.com/
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