I have a friend who is unable to courtesy laugh. He literally can’t do it. He missed the day of class where we all learned that in order to maintain friendships, you must be able to execute a well-timed and believable courtesy laugh. I didn’t believe it was possible until I saw it in action. Some dad (and I say dad because we’ve all heard a dad say this at one time or another) said to us, “Uh oh, here comes a motley crew! Ha!” My friend just stared. His silence was piercing.

Where would I be without the courtesy laugh? Not only have I used it countless times to salvage mediocre friendships, but I am certain it has been used on me more times than I could count. The courtesy laugh might be the single reason this blog is still going! Thank you everyone! This caused me to think about some other lengths I’ll travel to avoid awkwardness…

Fake Yawn – We’ve all been part of an awkward silence. The question is, how do you handle them? My favorite thing to do is fake yawn. It’s just like a real yawn, but it’s sole purpose is to pass the time until someone says something. Try to catch your friends doing it. They’re happening all around you, all the time.

Lie – I’m not proud of it, but I do it. Sometimes I’ll exaggerate the truth to avoid the perception that I’m not in the loop (which is often a correct perception). Consider a recent interaction:

Friend: What do you think of Blue Oyster Cult?
Me: [slight hesitation] I…love it!
Friend: [confused silence]
Me: I mean, I love their seafood. And their hush puppies are amazing!
Ex-Friend: It’s just too hard to be friends with you.

Fake Phone Call – This is my go to if I know an awkward conversation is awaiting me. I see my awkward friend/acquaintance coming towards me, armed and ready to suck me into his 20-minute conversation about religion and politics. I pull out the phone, put it to my ear, and begin my fake conversation with Steve (Steve is my fake friend on the other end). You have to sell it though, or you’ll be exposed for the jerk you are. Give the awkward friend a half-wave and point to the phone with a slightly disappointed look and eye-roll that tells him, “Man! Phones! They ruin everything!” But deep down you know the phone didn’t ruin your quasi-friendship at all. It actually saved it.

What are some other ways to avoid awkwardness? I need to know.