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3 Things I Hate About the Beach

April 1st, 2009 - Uncategorized - 13 Comments »

I’ve been down in West Palm Beach for the past couple days. My friends and I are down here surfing (and by surfing, I mean renting surfboards and holding them on the beach while thunderstorms roll in). I love the beach, but I’ve realized that there are three things that I can’t stand…every single time I go.

Applying Sunscreen – It has to happen. It’s really not that bad until you realize you’ve done all you can on the front side of your body. Inevitably, this conversation happens…

Me: Dude, can you get my back?
Tripp: What? Seriously?
Me: Yeah. If you get me, I’ll get you.
Tripp: Some tradeoff.
[Application proceeds in total silence.]
Me: Let’s not tell anyone about this.
[Three hours later]
Tripp: I feel closer to you than I have in years.

Sunburn That Looks Like States – This is what happens when you can’t convince your friend to apply sunscreen for you (or when Tripp does it). You try to reach the entire landscape of your back by yourself and, without fail, miss several spots. It’s not until after your shower that you realize you’re now advertising the state of Oklahoma on your right love handle.

Reapplying Sunscreen – We all have the same internal struggle after we go in for lunch. Do I really need to reapply my sunscreen? I mean, what’s the policy here? I just put it on two hours ago. I didn’t get in the water, but I did sweat a little. What’s the half-life of Banana Boat? We end up sucking it up and going through the application process all over again. Come here, Tripp…

What do you hate about the beach?

  • http://www.trippcrosby.com trippcrosby

    Tyler making a big deal out of me applying sunscreen to his back.

  • Bryan

    Saltwater. As for the sunscreen, I have a friend that will apply sunscreen to my back as long as every 3 rubs he can throw in a punch to keep it manly. It worked.

  • nate

    woman whose swimsuits do not correspond with their age.

  • Kyle

    Sharks… and “The Shark,” Greg Norman. He always chokes.

  • http://www.everettbracken.blogspot.com Ev

    putting your shoes on when your feet have all that sand on them. even sandals suck at this point. and also, i hate chafing.

  • http://www.ilovemrpibb.blogspot.com Greta

    sand in general and i second nate’s hate. bleh.

  • http://www.jesskamm.com Jessica Kamm

    That’s why the invented spray sunscreen!

  • http://kevinkeigley.wordpress.com Kevin

    burned nips. mine.

  • http://www.joshlafayette.com Josh LaFayette

    The necessity of flip-flops.
    Sand sticking to the bottom of my condensation-covered water bottle.
    Obnoxious, over-the-top, male volleyball players.
    Everyone at Red Bar. Except the band and the bartender.

  • singwritelaughplay

    little girls swimsuits have a pocket of sorts in the crotch. no idea why, just an extra layer of fabric that traps every grain of sand it comes into contact with while you roll around and get beaten down by the waves your certain will be your grave. there’s nothing i hated more than the amount of sand that got stuck in there. fortunately, this is not a problem when you get older.

    other than that… i hate making out on the beach. romantic in theory, uncomfortable in practice.

  • aaroncoury

    depends which beach you are talking about.

    my first ex or my second? they both screwed me over…

  • hayne

    Getting lit up by a rather large jellyfish in the ocean…
    and having to have/watch Matt Williams and Dan Buice pee all over my chest to make the excruciating pain go away.

    Dan had bad stage fright.

    And yes… urine really WORKS!

  • http://www.nolangottlieb.com Nolan

    Being on spring break and having to pee. The obvious move here is to go into the ocean and stand waist deep, do the fingers grazing the top of the water thingy, and let it go. Here’s the problem…the water during spring break is freezing cause it’s still March…not only that, but when you exit the water your swimsuit is stuck on you like vaccuum sealed shrink wrap…then you have to try to do the subtle two handed thumb-pointer finger pinch pull out motion hoping the co-eds on the towel that you have to walk back past didn’t see that…

    Anyone??? No?? Just me…ok.