My wife and I dated four times in seven years before we got married. Throughout that time, I gained some valuable wisdom about what is/isn’t acceptable in the realm of dating. So this is for all my single friends out there. Please learn from my mistakes.

Do admit when you farted. I once ripped one in the passenger seat of Amy’s car. She was driving us to the park and I tried to slide one out in stealth mode. It didn’t work. We hadn’t established flatulence in our relationship yet, so I did what anyone would do in my situation. I discretely put my hand under my left leg (as though it had been there all along), and spent the entire rest of the car ride rubbing the leather to try to duplicate that sound. Needless to say, it didn’t work.

Don’t floss with sugar packets. Apparently going to town on your teeth with a Sweet-n-Low packet at the table is not socially acceptable. My argument was that it was more acceptable than continuing the date with an entire vegetable garden between my teeth. Hers was that neither was acceptable. Guess who doesn’t floss with sugar packets anymore?

Do update your grandmother on your girlfriend’s name. This one is critical. There’s no feeling quite like being in the kitchen with your girlfriend, and having your grandmother come in and ask [ex-girlfriend's name] to pour her a cup of coffee. How did I overlook this? I guess I was so concerned about me not calling her the wrong name that I forgot to update the masses. Lesson learned.

Don’t jump the gun on the L-Bomb. You’re going to want to be careful with this one. Those are some powerful words. I chose to tell Amy while running. The thing is, I don’t run. So I was about eight feet behind her and gasping for breath. The I Love You came out as sort of a shouting moan. I waited for the response. Does her running faster mean that she loves me too? Was she just really energized by that? Well…at least she loves me now.

I’d love to hear some of your first-hand dating mistakes. I know you have them.