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Pet Peeves III

April 10th, 2009 - A Million Peeves - 11 Comments »

Is it OK to have this many pet peeves? No? Well, here are five more…

13. Describing what someone looks like – I’m totally incompetent here. This is every conversation I have where I’m asked what someone looks like:

Me: Do you know Derek?
Friend: Which one is he again?
Me: He’s the really funny one.
Friend: No, what does he look like?
Me: [Already defeated] Oh. Um, brownish-blondish hair… average height… thin-ish, but not really…
Friend: Ok. You’re describing almost every person I’ve ever seen.
Me: Did I mention he has feet? He puts shoes on them..

14. Calling teams Mine - How many people heard this on Tuesday? Dude, did you see my Tar Heels last night? My boy Hansbrough dominated! People who say that also play fantasy sports and paint their bodies at games.

15. Accidental hand brush (between men) – This will happen. The key here is how you react. You don’t want to make a huge deal of it. Just make a slight adjustment in your walking course. If it happens again though, eye contact with an awkward joke is most definitely required. More times than that? You’re on your own. Last week, it happened four times in less than a mile with my friend Aaron. We’re still recovering.

16. Bad seat at table - If you’re going out to eat with a group of eight or more, claiming the right seat is key. Your entire success is determined during the walk to the table. You’re going to want to jockey for position (don’t make it obvious!) next to the person that will provide the best conversation/entertainment. Do whatever it takes. Never stop by the bathroom on the way to the table. If you do, you’re going to be talking to that weird dude about politics all night. Ultimate backfire: Claiming that prized middle seat and ending up between two thriving conversations, invited into neither.

17. Ending a phone conversation – I’ve tried to turn this peeve into a one-person game. How many goodbye variants can I fit into the closing of a conversation? Almost every exchange has about four (I’ll see you soon…ok, talk to you later…uh huh, see ya…bye-bye), so you’re going to need to bump it up to five or six to really be a competitor.

What’s bothering you? We all want to know.

  • ngallentine

    the table jockeying is ridiculously true but would never admit it at the time…
    great thoughts

  • nate

    this is not a sarcastic reference to this blog (i actually find most of the posts to be the perfect length)- but lately i’ve grown more and more annoyed when i wake up and take a few minutes to check my regular blogs and i find that the post is too long for that day. i mean, i want to read your blog, but i’m only giving you about 2 minutes, so let’s get to it bloggy mcgee.

  • Mack

    Poop Picture emails. I have a friend that sends me emails titled “Footlong”, “looks like two”, “remnants”… It’s getting lame.

  • philly

    When people add the word “literally” to a figurative statement they are making. For example: “I’m literally freezing to death,” or “I’m literally starving.” It makes me want to figuratively give them a knuckle sandwich.

  • aaroncoury

    I hop yu cntnue 2 enlghtn us wth mor of yur pt pvs. thr funy.

    n since nat askd u 2 shrtn yur psts, im hlpin by cttng out sum leters.

    wlcm.

  • littlecomments

    -open mouth chewing. gum, food, pens…
    -impersonal greeting cards. eg: jon, (LAME PRE-WRITTEN BLATHERING) love, grandma
    -people who laugh at their own jokes
    –i hate the above people twice as much when they laugh before they’re done with the joke
    –i hate the above people three times as much when they look at you and laugh before they’re done with the joke, as if to say “you’re welcome to join in on the laughter any time, friend”
    -regis philbin/rosie o’donnell/vern lundquist/julia roberts/renee zelweger
    -people who unnecessarily abbreviate words or names. i’ve got a friend who insists on calling “band of horses” “band”. he calls david ortiz, whose NICKNAME is “big papi,” “pap.”
    -adding an S to things that have no S on them. eckerds, krogers, jcpenneys, etc.
    -people who start singing a song when they hear part of that song in conversation. eg: person A-”it’s closing time…” a-hole-”closing time…you don’t have to go home but you can’t-stay-here”
    -people who describe themselves as funny, weird, or crazy. extra annoying is when first meeting someone, and they say something like “you don’t know how to take me yet-i’m crazy”
    -cheerleaders
    -trans fats
    -laugh tracks. “you’re an imbecile, and aren’t smart enough to realize when you should laugh, so we’ll indicate when it’s appropriate to laugh by playing the same sound of many people laughing over and over again. look for this cue at least 45 times during this 22 minute episode, because it’s that funny.”
    -people letting their dog take a dump on my lawn and not picking it up
    -people getting upset at me when i call them out for letting their dog take a dump on my lawn and not picking it up
    -not responding to weblog posts/comments (this is a big one)
    -ryan on the office
    -playing scattergories or apples to apples.
    -local news

    i’d love to continue, but i bet at this point i’m placing myself on someone else’s pet peeve list.

  • http://www.nolangottlieb.com Nolan

    People trying to talk whilst brushing thier teeth. Can it not wait 45 seconds until you finish…plus all that toothpaste foam and impeded tounge envolvement because of the brush in your mouth…C’mon people clean it up.

    A stack of un-uniformly folded towels…some folded this way some folded that way…it’s just sloppy.

    Having the front pockets in my pants full of anything…keys, wallet, pack of gum, swiss cake roll, etc…if it’s bulky it’s out.

    Toilet paper despencers behind you so much so that your back cracks as you twist and reach for a hand full of 2-ply. If I catch a cramp trying to accomplish this task something’s wrong.

    The guy in the gym who tries to give everyone workout advise…even though his upper body accounts for 80% of total body mass.

    Organic foods…They taste like crap and they don’t make that much difference. An egg is an egg people…

    People who criticize a movie because it’s not word for word like the book. Guess what?? I waited till the DaVinci Code came out in theatres so I wouldn’t have to read the book.

    Facebook religion status’…I thought some of these church marquee’s were corny.

    Waiters and waitresses assuming I enjoy lemon with my water…

    OK…I’m done…catharsis!!!

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  • http://tylerstanton.com Tyler Stanton

    as you wish nate. as you wish.

  • http://tylerstanton.com Tyler Stanton

    Incredible list Jon. Nice to see someone is as easily peeved as me. Come to think of it, saying “peeved” is a new pet peeve of mine.