10 Reasons I Hate To Fly
April 21st, 2009 - Uncategorized - 9 Comments »Check-In – Really Airline? You chose this person to be the front-line of your company? How is the simple act of checking my bags such an offensive thing to you, Ticket Lady?
Security Check – Where else on the planet would you willingly take off your belt and shoes upon the request of a complete stranger? I don’t think I’d even hesitate if they asked me to take off my pants.
Pre-Flight Exercise – One of the downsides of having a really athletic wife is that she’d rather walk to our terminal than take the underground train. You know, the train that was solely created so you didn’t have to walk to your terminal…that’s the one.
Thinking Your Seat Number is Your Gate Number – Today we showed up at gate 44C. Our flight was leaving from B32. That added another half mile to the pre-flight exercise.
Cologne Guy – I feel sorry for you, bro. No one cares enough about you to tell you that you apply 13 more squirts than the standard. And why do you always have gelled hair, a thin chin strap beard, and a gold bracelet? And why do you like sitting next to me?
Delta
Beverage Cart Block – This always seems to happen. After 45 minutes of mustering up the nerve to ask the stranger next to me if I can squeeze by, the beverage cart stands perfectly in the way of me and my mid-flight number two.
Ludicrous Pricing – We just spent our kids’ college savings on a Pringles midget can and a Ginger Ale. I’m sure my boys will understand one day (after they’ve graduated from community college, of course).
Unfortunate Movie Selection – Who actually thought that the entire plane would want to watch Madea’s Family Reunion?
The Early Stand – As soon as the plane lands and the ding sounds, all logic goes away. We all would somehow rather stand with our head at a 90° angle and mentally vie for exiting position than sit in our seat for three more minutes.
What else?
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the guy who thinks his bag will fit in the overhead compartment and assumes it’s ok to move everyone elses bags to other compartments to make his fit
The guy who doesn’t understand Southwest Airlines seating policy. You can sit anywhere you want. It’s first come first serve. And he gets on the plane and looks at his “seat number,” which is actually is his zone number, and sees that B33 is indeed a middle seat between two overweight males. He sits there with window and aisle seats open throughout the plane. Those two men were not happy with me. Needless to say, i was not happy with myself either. I then punched a child.
I am totally with Amy about walking (and taking the stair for that matter)…Rick just laughs at me. He still looks at me like “which one is she going to pick” every time we come to the intersection of walking or riding. I think he secretly hopes I’m going to give in every time.
1. Knowing that I’m one estranged goose away from crashing into the Hudson.
2. Baggage Claim.
3. Airlines going 100% out of their way to not claim responsibility for ANYTHING.
4. The bars in the terminals that won’t let you watch their ESPN without buying something.
5. The cost of a flight from Atlanta to Houston to Minneapolis to Chicago to Charlotte is less than the cost of a flight from Atlanta to Charlotte.
Having to watch the flight attendant demonstrate the incredibly difficult task of fastening and unfastening a seat belt. Dude, if you don’t have that skill mastered by now, you probably had to ride the short bus to the airport.
The other thing is this…when that Bell Dings…and everyone is off to the races with 90 degree heads, there is a baggage area, with a carousel on the other end, waiting for luggage to arrive, that typically arrives about 10 mins after you have raced to it…Hurry up and wait…Good times.
I love this list…reading it made my day. I don’t think that it would ever happen, but I’ll make a note to never fly on a plane with Amy. The train ride is the best part by far…unless there’s acutally a little old lady sitting on the seat part on the front and/or back of the train car becayse then you have to grab that greasy pole so you don’t fall all over the dude standing next to you.
How bout the awkward head back on the “head rest”, eyes closed, doing that fake “I’m asleep” thing so you don’t have to talk to the lady next to you…all the while you can’t help but to open one eye every now and then to peek to see if they are still flipping through the tax free in-flight shopping mag…
The “In-Seat Massager”
That six year old munchkin behind you that expends his excess energy through the incessant kicking of the back of your seat…. and the mother who sits by and watches this happen for an entire three hour flight.
Ha ha ha! Love this post! You forgot the people who hog the armrests. Hello? This is NOT a Barkolounger?!?! Also, the international families and/or first time fliers who don’t know to bring a pacifier or sucker/gum to keep their kids from screaming the entire flight. (On a recent flight to L.A., I handed a couple two suckers and pointed to their babies ears. I had three people on the plane thank me out loud.)