Above Ground Pools – I can’t imagine the thought process that leads up to this purchase. Man, I am tired of this sightly backyard. I need something that will communicate my impulsiveness to my neighbors and make me more easily stereotyped. Not only that, but I am sick of living without regret. I know! I’ll get one of them ‘bove ground pools!

“Please Take One” Signs on Halloween – Landing one of these before the other neighborhood kids is the childhood equivalent of winning the lottery. I can still remember the feeling of excitement when my pillowcase instantly gained 3lbs. I was always able to justify it by saying that I thought they meant take one basket.

Theological Debates – There’s nothing that will solidify the current stance of each side more than a good ol’ theological debate. You think the other person is listening to your point when you’re speaking? That’s silly. They’re just judging you.

Mustaches – I’ve held a firm belief for most of my life that it’s never OK to have a mustache before you’re 30. However, the closer I get to 30, the more I think that number needs to be modified. Is there a worse intentional decision a man can make about his appearance? This surpasses sweatpants in public.

Jelly Belly – What a letdown. They’re just too much work. If I want pure flavor, I have to eat just one (which is about as satisfactory as eating a crumb). If I want a handful, the outcome is worse than chewing on trash (sour apple, piña colada, coffee, popcorn, and tangerine are not meant to be together). If I want cherry, I get cinnamon. And if I want tutti fruitti, some jerk already picked them all out.

What are some other bad ideas? Oh, and check out the iBible video below if you haven’t seen it already.

This is a video we just made for Catalyst West Coast.

*If you’re interested, I created a new page (above) with all my other Catalyst posts.

Sometimes people feel the need to accessorize their laughter. They refuse to be passive recipients of a joke. They’re only satisfied when they’re actively engaged in the whole process.

The Toucher – When I attempt something funny, all I’m looking for in return is a laugh. This person, though, feels like they need to pepper their laughter with some sort of physical contact…anything from a forearm caress to a full-on bicep grab.

The Clapper – Your joke affects this person the same way his favorite team scoring a touchdown would. The moment the joke lands, his first instinct is to give an affirming single clap (not multiple claps…that would be ridiculous). I, unfortunately, am this person.

The Praiser – This person isn’t satisfied with merely laughing at every joke ever told. No, they want to make sure you know that your joke was the one. Their levels of endorsement range from high fives and fist pounds to reverent post-laugh commentary.

The Whiplasher – I am afraid to say something funny around this person. If I happen to land the joke, he violently snaps his head backwards as though his car has just been rear-ended. I never know whether to keep rolling or to stop and see if he is OK.

The Verbalizer – I hate to come out and admit this. This is my go-to when I don’t really think something is that funny. Someone delivers a joke, and instead of trying to muster up a laugh sound, I go straight into a complimentary statement – “Bro, that is hilarious.”

The Sprinkler – We all know this person. Once the clever one-liner is delivered, this person goes wide-mouth and pans across the room, bouncing from person to person, before whipping back to the original jokester.

Which one are you? Any others that I’m missing?

I was just informed by my friend Nate that he was told he had to be logged in to WordPress in order to make a comment. I did some work on the site this weekend and must have screwed that up.

Don’t worry, Nate. I just fixed it. Let the comments fly.

Check-In – Really Airline? You chose this person to be the front-line of your company? How is the simple act of checking my bags such an offensive thing to you, Ticket Lady?

Security Check – Where else on the planet would you willingly take off your belt and shoes upon the request of a complete stranger? I don’t think I’d even hesitate if they asked me to take off my pants.

Pre-Flight Exercise – One of the downsides of having a really athletic wife is that she’d rather walk to our terminal than take the underground train. You know, the train that was solely created so you didn’t have to walk to your terminal…that’s the one.

Thinking Your Seat Number is Your Gate Number – Today we showed up at gate 44C. Our flight was leaving from B32. That added another half mile to the pre-flight exercise.

Cologne Guy – I feel sorry for you, bro. No one cares enough about you to tell you that you apply 13 more squirts than the standard. And why do you always have gelled hair, a thin chin strap beard, and a gold bracelet? And why do you like sitting next to me?

Delta

Beverage Cart Block – This always seems to happen. After 45 minutes of mustering up the nerve to ask the stranger next to me if I can squeeze by, the beverage cart stands perfectly in the way of me and my mid-flight number two.

Ludicrous Pricing – We just spent our kids’ college savings on a Pringles midget can and a Ginger Ale. I’m sure my boys will understand one day (after they’ve graduated from community college, of course).

Unfortunate Movie Selection – Who actually thought that the entire plane would want to watch Madea’s Family Reunion?

The Early Stand – As soon as the plane lands and the ding sounds, all logic goes away. We all would somehow rather stand with our head at a 90° angle and mentally vie for exiting position than sit in our seat for three more minutes.

What else?