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Warning Signs of a TV Addict

May 19th, 2009 - Uncategorized - 12 Comments »

After last week’s post about my (admittedly hardcore) television schedule, many have pointed out that I might have a problem. As a matter of fact, I think I overheard my friend scheduling an intervention for next Thursday. You see, I don’t think of myself as a TV addict. No, I like to think of myself as a committed television enthusiast, with mildly addictive tendencies.

I thought it would be helpful for everyone if I formed a comprehensive guide to help decipher whether or not one has a TV addiction. Answering Yes to any of these means we need to get you into a 12-step program immediately. Oh, and clicking on these links would be in your best interest.
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1. As a kid, was the most exciting part of your summer vacation the ability to watch The Price is Right?

2. Would you literally give anything for a TV in the bathroom?

3. When you’re having a heart-to-heart with your child, do you require your spouse to play Full House-esque music softly in the background?

4. Could you sing the entire Mr. Belvedere opening song* right now?

5. Do you judge people who judge people for watching too much TV?

6. When you ask people about their favorite shows, are you secretly looking for an enabler?

7. Do you wish, not that there were more hours in a day, but that there were more hours of Law & Order: SVU in a day?

8. Did you petition to name your first child Dwayne Wayne?

9. When your wife objected, did you suggest Doogie, saying that would significantly increase his chances of becoming a child prodigy?

10. Has your favorite song ever been a commercial jingle?

11. Have you ever referred to watching 24** as “getting a fix”?

12. Have you ever planned a family vacation around your favorite shows?

13. Do you still recognize and celebrate TGIF?

14. Did you cry when you found out your grandparents didn’t have TV growing up?

15. Have you ever carefully crafted a presentation to give your wife on why you need a 47-inch flat screen?

16. Do you take someone’s cable package into consideration before starting a friendship?

17. Have you ever referred to Comcast as your “dealer”?

18. Are you concerned that your kid’s homework is going to interfere with his TV schedule?

Dangit. It appears I have a problem. Any other questions that need to be on there?
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*Just found out the lyrics are “Streaks on the china, never mattered before, who cares” and not “Straight from-a China, never met him before, who cares.”

**Last night was one of the most frustrating finales I’ve ever seen.

  • PrincipalWarren

    When your wife suggests spending more quality time together and reading the Bible together, have you caught yourself just before saying, “You know that means we’ll only be able to watch one show a night, right?”

  • April

    When you said “intervention” it made me think of the interventions they do on How I Met Your Mother. Also, I was wondering this morning on my way to work if anyone already had the vanity plate “Bauertime”. Comments made by a self-professed 100% tv addict!

  • http://trippcrosby.com Tripp Crosby

    I cannot believe that Mr. Belvedere isn’t Chinese!

  • http://bryanallain.com/blog bryan a

    I have not only dreamed of having a TV in the bathroom, I’ve actually…

    1 – carried my tiny black and white antenna TV into the bathroom to watch college basketball when i was in high school and thought that missing any of March Madness was a crime.

    2 – tried to use mirrors to watch TV from the hallway bathroom at my parents house when no one was home. (goes without saying, but this was an epic FAIL.)

    I also believe that everyone should have DirecTV over Comcast if possible. But that’s personal preference and my love of the NFL Ticket talking.

  • Leigh

    If you’ve ever told your child to hold the homework question until the next commmercial b/c the DVR is already taping two shows on other channels and you’re watching this one “live” . . . you may be a tv addict. And in danger of having children with very mediocre grades.

  • Bryan

    Just to let you know, this is one of your top posts

    I’ve gotten to the point where I’d rather have the TV on and watch it at an 80-degree angle from the kitchen table than turn it off during dinner and miss out on one of Doug Heffernan’s famous one-liners (which I’ve probably heard before).

    I’ve also lied to friends about having plans in order not to miss an episode of Biggest Loser. My wife did too, so I feel justified.

    • http://tylerstanton.com admin

      He does have some great one liners, doesn’t he? Even when I know I’ve seen an episode before, I’ll still give it a go and try to forget what happens.

      • http://davepettengill.blogspot.com DavePettengill

        Thats what I do with Scrubs I have seen the episodes a ton of times but I still love watching it!

  • Lacey

    I felt pretty smug that I was NOT addicted to TV until I got down to the one about my 24 “fix”.

    Hmmm. I think I said it as a joke though – does that still count?

    Plus, after the finale last night, my addiction to the Jack Bauer Power Hour may be over.

    Man, am I ever glad our friends talked us out of naming our child Jack Baeur Keigley.

  • Mom

    Sorry T – I’m afraid you have a predisposed tendency to this! Kinda like alcoholism!

  • http://volcrazy.livejournal.com bradervin

    Does your DVR still have episodes of 24 and Lost from 6 months ago, just in case you “need” to go back and watch them again.

    Does it hurt inside every time you delete a show from your DVR…like you are betraying a friend?

  • http://www.gotmanswers.blogspot.com scott

    What’s up Tripp. I’m a fellow SCLer. I enjoyed your post this morning and decided to check out your Essentials and this particular post caught my eye. I think I too have a TV probelm. One of my most embarrassing admissions as a 27yr old male is my ability to quote entire episodes of Full House from memory. If they ever make a Scene IT-Full House Edition, I could probably win the national championship. (Much to wife’s dismay.)

    Since we are obviously like minded on the subject of television, I thought you might enjoy this post I did last year: Can Television Be a Spiritual Gift