Pet Peeves IV
May 21st, 2009 - A Million Peeves - 17 Comments »Sorry Mack. There are just too many noteworthy things to gripe about to limit my Pet Peeve posts to 3 per year. Here are five more that frustrate me way more than they should.
Splitting Bills – I can’t even enjoy eating with friends. While the rest of them are absorbed in conversation and laughter, I’m stressing out over the upcoming bill split.
My Thoughts: Alright, how is this going to work? I ordered the cheese dip, but everyone ate it. Is that on me? Can you split a cheese dip 8 ways? What about tip? You think she’ll include it? I bet she will. Oh crap. Neil is here. He never has enough. He’s going to ask me to spot him, I just know it. Then he’ll try to pay me back with a burned CD or something. Why can’t you just bring enough cash, Neil? Why are you so awful? You do this over, and over, and-
Friend: -Right, Tyler? Wait, are you OK?
Me: What? Me? Yeah…I’m cool.
Friend: Why are you crying?
Bad Beard Lines – I’m thinking about going on a speaking tour, specifically to educate young men on the appropriate crafting of a beard. Don’t get me wrong. I understand what happens. You look in the mirror and, straight on, it all checks out. But you fail to give a side glance – you must look at your profile! It’s never OK to make the beard’s base line above the face’s jaw line. I write this equation on my mirror as a reminder during beard season:
BEARD LINE < JAW LINE
Forgetting to Change the Radio Station – I have a tendency to zone out while I’m driving. Sometimes when I come to, I’ll find that I’ve been passionately singing along with whatever is currently on the radio. I don’t know what it is, but 4 out of every 5 times this happens, I’m jamming with Beyonce to the chorus of Single Ladies. I hate that song.
Zunes – Come on, Microsoft. It’s time. Is this really a battle you’re willing to fight? Even Zune owners refer to it as their “iPod”. They’re embarrassed to have the words “my Zune” come off their lips. I got a little embarrassed just typing it.
The Word “Factoid” – Is the word “fact” insufficient? Does making it sound like it’s from outer space really enhance its meaning?
What’s chapping your hide these days? I want to know.
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i just want you to know, and this is the truth, that whenever i am carving a beard out of my facial hair, tyler stanton is in the forefront of my mind. you make me nervous. on the flip side, no one could give me a beard compliment that i covet more.
Nose whistlers – God didn’t give you that nose hair to be a musical instrument. Get rid of it.
Bad grammar that takes more effort than good grammar. Come on, now. Why say “Where is it at?” when “Where is it?” is not only correct, but it’s actually easier. I consider laziness one of my spiritual gifts, so poor grammar for the sake of laziness is something I can understand and even support at times. But saying, “I been did that,” when you could just say, “I did that”? That takes more effort than being wrong and is something for which I refuse to stand for.
The word “surreal”
The term “spot on”
The news reporter: George Franco (FOX 5)
i saw your show from last night. my wife and i laughed. though we never found out what happened w/ the shipping costs and your verbal smack down w/ the vanity guy.
pet peeve – at a concert, such as american idol, the performer is doing a slow song, and everyone in the crowd raises their hands and slowly sways them back and forth in unison. drives me crazy.
It’s all good holmes. I was going to write another pet peeves blog but I’ll just put them here…
- When people write blogs in parts… Ex. “Living with grief Part I”
- When someone types out sounds. Like “Sigh, Meh, Hmmmm, ahhhh”
- Linksys routers.
I have more, maybe I should just post a blog about it.
1. Using “it’s” when “its” is the appropriate choice.
2. Any child education facility that purposely misspells its name. Example: Kiddie Korner. Kiddie Korral. Kountry Day Kare. Am I going to send my beginning reader to a school run by adults who just can’t get this right?
3. People who see me with my five children and must comment, “My, you sure have your hands full” as they walk away. If my hands are so full, why don’t you offer to help me?
4. Restaurants that serve straws WITHOUT wrappers around them. If I had wanted your fingers all over my drinking device, I would have just used the cup without the straw anyway.
Lacey- couldn’t agree with you more about the alternate K spellings. They’re just as unacceptable outside of the education realm. I saw a car wash the other day called “Kleen Karz” – not only did it have the K’s, but it also did the dreaded Z swap.
T- Just pay for the cheese dip…It’s 3 dollars. You can make up for it by foregoing 1 diaper change a week.
My newest pet peeve is loud mufflers…I don’t wanna hear how powerful you are. Nor does anyone.
The driver who flips on their blinker after they’ve completed 75% of their turn. Especially bad when you are waiting to pull out in front of said driver, and have wasted 10 seconds of your life because they wouldn’t turn on the blinker.
When the car in front of you on the interstate decides to clean his windows and your’s get soaked in the process. Thanks pal.
random story on the bill splitting. The first time I ever was the Captain of the “Everyone Pitch In Money” campaign was in a Friendly’s in North Dartmouth, Massachusetts circa 1996. Everyone pitched in their cash for our bill (which would never happen these days because everyone uses plastic) and as I tallied it up, I had about 5 extra bucks that i pocketed. I think I paid $2.50 for my munchie mania app sampler, which was awesome.
Problem was, I didn’t know this experience was an anomaly. So for the next 5 years of my life I always volunteered to be Captain of the EPIM, and every time we were always a dollar or three short and i ended up either being the one to tell Johnny Cheapskate to pitch in another dollar or I just ponied up for it myself. 5 years and $186 dollars later I realized that the money collector always gets screwed. And to think, all that time everyone just thought I was being a good friend.
1.) people who drive with their windshield wipers on high speed when it’s merely sprinkling outside
2.) people who go through the “10 items or less” lane at the grocery store with 30 items.
I hate to admit that I am the fast windshield wipers guy. It drives my wife crazy.
Same-side-booth-sitting-couples…I can’t stand this. I don’t know why, but it sends me in to an Incredible Hulk-ish rage. It’s not practical for conversation…it’s tough on the waitress. We get it already…you’re in love…save it.
When the teacher in school wouldn’t completely erase the board. If the last centimeter of the timeline to the Holy Roman Empire is still up there you may as well leave the whole thing up…because I still see it all. Nothing worse than dots to I’s and tails of S’s still all over the board…clean it up.
I feel like I have one more good one, but I can’t remember what it is. Maybe that could be one…forgetting something good. Crap…I’ll post it up here if I can remember it.
When people turn the dome light in your car off instead of leaving it in the “turn on when I open the door” position.
Wow. That’s a great one Stalls.