Once you become sensitive to it, you’ll notice it immedietly when you enter any restaurant that follows this practice.

Ok, here’s the deal. The wife and kids come and pick me up from work so we can have lunch together. We arrive at the restaurant – Bennigan’s – right as they are opening, right at 11 AM.

Needless to say – but of course I will say it – we are the first one there.

So, we go in, meet the Maître d’, and request a non-smoking table – for my pregnant wife and three kids and myself – with one highchair.

So we wait for the guy to go get our table ready.

Now remember, we are the ONLY people there.

So, after way to long the guy comes back to let us know that our table is ready.

“Please follow me.”

We follow.

The guy shows us our table. And what a table it is. Not only is it the closest table to the kitchen, but also it is the closest table to the BAR, the only place in this joint where you can smoke.

Just so you know, I don’t think all restaurants should be non-smoking. There are a good many restaurants that have both a smoking and non-smoking section and have done a good job at separating the two.

My beef isn’t with restaurants that allow smoking. My beef is with restaurants that insist on putting me as close to the smoking sections as possible…

AUGH!

Then… My kids wanted to take my wife out to lunch for her birthday.

She wants Red Lobster so we go to Red Lobster.

Again we ask for non-smoking, this time requesting to be as far from non-smoking as possible.

Yea, you know what happened.

They tried to sit us at the single closest table to the bar, again the only place in the joint where you can smoke.

AUGH!

I politely explain that my wife is pregnant – complete with all day long morning sickness – and that we would STILL like to be sat as far from the smoking section as possible.

We get an apology and are told that they didn’t know we wanted to be as far from the smoking section. So, we go back to the waiting area to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And wait.

While waiting we see that the front lady chick actually wrote FAR FROM SMOKING on the waiting list. Go figure…

AUGH!

So, for those of you who read this that work in a restaurant, please note:

When someone walks in with a request a non-smoking table (especially when the restaurant is EMPTY) do NOT sit them as close to the smoking section as possible.

Also, just so you know… “Yea” and “Uh-huh” are not acceptable answers to any question I may ask you.

Oh, and by the way, my name is not Sweetie and my name is not Hun.

Also, why did I just use the word “servers?” It’s not like they are serving me. I mean, yeah, they bring me my food and drink and check, but that’s it. They aren’t going out and washing my car or anything. So the “service” is restricted to the restaurant and delivery of said products.

I think I’m gonna start calling them “bringers.” Who’s with me?