DON’T FORGET: Tomorrow I’m guest posting on stuffchristianslike.net. Be sure to go there and check it out. My post here tomorrow should also serve as a reminder. Also, I’m still posting a Weekly Six tomorrow…you’re just going to have to scroll down to see it.

But for now, the ongoing list of peeves continues…

23. “I need a couple of strong backs”
Does anyone else scan the room when they hear this, hoping there are two or three “stronger backs” in the mix? This is the one time in life that you want to be perceived as weak. I have gone into a full-on debate with my brothers as to how much stronger they are than me (even throwing out bench press numbers) while my grandmother moved the sleeper sofa upstairs by herself.

24. Escalator Handrails Faster than Escalator Stairs
I feel like the handrail guys and stair guys should be on the same page by now. Why can’t they get in sync? Is it a scientific impossibility? Or do they do it on purpose and just sit in the food court watching us, laughing at those of us who, instead of merely changing hand position, arrive at the top at a 45° angle with our head resting on some random dude’s lower back.

25. Hug Slaps
There are people in my life that use the hug as an opportunity to punish. I’m not sure what I did wrong in our last encounter, but is the open-palm lower back slap communicating what you think it’s communicating? Once I’ve identified the hug slappers in my circle of friends, I make it a point to implement an across-the-room hello-shout next time we hang out. What? You’re in the middle of an important conversation? Doesn’t matter. Nothing could be more important than us establishing a verbal greeting into our relationship.

26. Phone Guilt Trips
If I had a nickel for every time I heard “Tyler never answers his phone” or “Tyler is the worst at calling people back”, I’d have a butt load of nickels. While it may very well be true, I don’t need the pressure of feeling like our relationship hinges on the promptness of my callback. And Gary, how would you like it if I said “Gary is the worst at tennis” or “Gary never loses weight” in a group of people?

27. Wearing Without Washing
I got some new shirts last week and, in my excitement, wore them without the ceremonial first wash. Not only do they have that deformation on the chest where the Medium sticker was, but they smell terrible. What is that, Old Spice? No…Sears.

Discuss.