Irrational Communication: Anger
June 3rd, 2009 - Uncategorized - 15 Comments »If you're new here, click here to subscribe. And click here for The Essentials.
This is the first in a series of posts on Irrational Communication. I’ve noticed that there are many unconventional and illogical ways that I communicate certain emotions (some might even call them immature). I have a feeling, though, that I’m not alone in this. Here are some of the more ridiculous ways I’ve communicated anger in the past week:
Loud Paper Crumble
In an attempt to let Amy know my level of frustration, I actually picked up some trash from the passenger seat floor board, forcefully crumbled it up, and threw it back on the passenger seat floor board. No words were exchanged. None, in my mind, were needed.
Invisibility
Pretending the other person is invisible works great until you sit down to eat dinner together. I usually spend the first 15 minutes trying to figure out a way to get that out-of-reach salad dressing without acknowledging the invisible person. I could do the stand-and-grab, but that would be rude. I could eat my salad with no dressing, but that would be insane. I usually end up just pouring some sweet tea on it.
I Don’t Know
This, admittedly, is the most immature of all. As though you’re in 4th grade, answer every question, regardless of context, with “I don’t know.”
Neil: Hey, you know where my keys are?
Me: I don’t know.
Neil: Do you mind getting up so I can look under the couch?
Me: I don’t know.
Neil: You don’t know if you can get up?
Me: I don’t know.
Neil: Oh, I see where this is going. What is your name?
Me: I don’t know.
Neil: I’ll just walk home.
Unnecessary Gasps
If you really want to hammer home your point, pretend everyday tasks are painstakingly tough. Exaggerate the difficulty of opening the refrigerator door or tying your shoes with loud sighs and grumblings. Let the other person know how burdensome your life now is as a result of your earlier clash.
Cutting Side Glance
When the driver in front of me has the nerve to actually go the speed limit, a mild case of road rage sets in. I wait for the perfect opportunity to pass, and then, in that quarter-second that our windows line up, I give them a side glance that could make Jack Bauer cry. It’s such a shame when they’re not looking.
What about you? Let’s hear some of your techniques to broadcast your anger.
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I’m a little hurt you missed the hard turnover. I don’t know how many times I utilized that in college while your alarm was going off for 45 minutes.
@Hez – I actually almost included the hard turnover. I do that when I want the sun to go down on my anger. I totally forgot about you doing that in college. I totally deserved it.
@Greta – Great call on not wasting any sighs. Distance is everything.
@Bryan – I am retiring the cutting side glance. I shall henceforth apply the passive-aggressive head shake. Why haven’t I thought of this before? Will you mentor me?
I’m too nonconfrontational to give the Side Glance, so I do the passive-aggressive head shake. As I drive by them I shake my head back and forth in disapproval in a very exaggerated way, but I never make eye contact with them or even look their way. Is there a chance that the other driver never notices me? Sure, and I’ll never know. But if he does see my head shake, and it provokes him to anger, he’s going to be even more pissed that I never see his finger or his cussing at me or whatever he is doing at me while driving terribly. That’s the beauty of the headshake, It’s all give and no take.
I think I tend to fall back on the exagerated and very loud sigh. It’s simple, take as deep a breath as you can, then slowly and loudly exhale. Basically you’re conveying that you’re having to take deep breaths and maybe even count to ten to keep from exploding with anger. Two important points. Be sure you’re close enough to person you’re angry at…you can get light-headed quickly with too many wasted sighs. And, do not make eye contact. If you do, you’ll just feel silly.
The comment about the “passive-aggressive shake” is genius.
I like to use the “DEATH STARE” otherwise known as “The Look”…. It is simple and to the point. It also states very clearly….”do not respond to me or I will explode!” That way, one can always have the last word without an altercation ensuing… its a win-win!
Invisibility is my go-to. I’ll even get to the point when I make sure my wife isn’t even in my periphery. I end up noticing all sorts of things on my wall or on the floor that I would never notice otherwise. However, I end up missing my wife laughing hysterically at my oh-so-predictable method of displaying anger.
I also loved how you used “Neil” as the person you were frustrated with.
Pouring tea on your salad. That was one of your funniest lines yet.
I agree with Lacey about the tea on your salad line.
If I am driving and I get mad at a passenger, I mean really frustrated, then I floor it and drive like a maniac. Not sure what the goal is with that, but at least I feel better after doing it.
I can’t believe you forgot the male standard: the sarcastic expulsion of air that somewhat resembles a laugh, and then just repeat “Unbelievable” over and over to yourself.
i generally just switch gears from playfully sarcastic and fun nate, to hatefully sarcastic and biting, no-friends nate. because if i’m angry, i would appreciate your company.
I use a method very similar to RJ’s. It starts out as a death stare, focusing on one point on the side or back of their head. Usually, they get that “somebody’s watching me” feeling and turn their head to make eye contact with me. When they do that, I keep eye contact for a half-second, and then use the head snap maneuver just to make my point that I’m mad, but I want to wallow in my anger for awhile instead of work it out with you. Yeah, it gets my point across…
I typically straight up punch someone in the kidney.
If I need the salad dressing I will proceed to ask one of my kids to get it, it adds to the immaturity factor.
I once employed the graffiti technique as I emptied a can of (red) spray paint at the workspace of a fellow architecture student. Anger was best expressed visually for this crowd. I then proceeded to use the invisiblity technique until graduation. Perhaps this should be filed under revenge techniques; although, I was yelling in fits of rage for the entire studio to hear my uncontrollable anger. I realize this one is pretty far on the spectrum now.
Poor Jenn and Amy – I'm afraid you get the invisibility one from me!