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DBTG: The Sandwich Artist

June 6th, 2009 - Uncategorized - 8 Comments »

(This Saturday Morning Guest Post is from my good friend Nate Rector, a faithful reader/commenter on this blog and the only eight-on-eight football coach I know)
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Sometimes I wonder if the people who work at Subway have actually ever eaten a sandwich? I know that it is reasonable to assume that almost every citizen of every modernized country has, at some point, consumed a sandwich.  But the way Subway employees go about constructing their product for customers, I can only assume they have never had a sandwich themselves.

How else can you explain the seemingly total ignorance of proper topping portions? For example, because of my past experience with the sandwich artists (the most ludicrous title in pop culture), I know that when I ask for olives, the artist is going to assume I want them to erect an actual olive village on my turkey; so I ask for “a couple olives.” The lady literally places two olives on my foot-long sub. When I asked for a few more, trying not to laugh at her, she defends herself by reminding me that I did ask for two. Indeed I did, Subway lady. Indeed I did.

After the olive brush up, I still have the gall to ask for a few condiments – mayo and mustard, nothing fancy. Apparently, she is of the opinion that if these sauces (are mayo and mustard a sauce?) do not soak through the shoddily cut sourdough (don’t think I don’t notice how carelessly you cut my loaf) before I get to my house, then I simply do not have enough condiments.

So, after eating my soggy olive and mustard sandwich, I have irrevocably concluded two things:

1. Sandwich artists are not sandwich eaters
2. Publix subs are worth the extra 2 dollars

Am I wrong about these things?  Is your local Subway an oasis of appropriate topping portions?

  • John L

    Our local sandwich artist are lettuce and mayo lovers. At least half of my sandwich will be comprised of a good pound of lettuce. When I take a bite of said sandwich it will actually make squishy gloppy sounds from the generous portions of mayonnaise the sandwich artist lavishly heaped onto it. Then I remember, “Firehouse is soooo much better.”

  • http://www.everettbracken.com Ev

    Middle School Ev: Hey, Nate “Rectum” Ha Ha Ha!

    Grown Up Ev: Grow up, Ev. That is so immature.

    Middle School Ev: You’re immature.

    Grown Up Ev: That doesn’t even make sense. Nate is a cool guy, and Rector is a unique name. Besides, your middle name is “Arnold.”

    Middle School Ev: So, you’re bald.

    Grown Up Ev: Shut up, and eat your sub.

  • http://www.ilovemrpibb.blogspot.com Greta

    I only wish our Subway folks would add a little more lettuce. I usually end up with 5 or 6 strands of brownish/white lettuce stuck in place with about 3/4 cup of mayo. I could gag just thinking about it.

    Publix subs are where it’s at. No doubt.

  • http://www.ponderingparenting.blogspot.com Lacey

    Oh Nate. I have long-awaited your opportunity to guest write on Tyler’s blog. Worlds colliding. Sigh.

    I was once a sandwich artist. I did not take pride in my job really, but I did know enough not to drown a sandwich in mayo. That’s gross. Subway does not, however, make their employees jobs’ easy when the hole in the top of the mayo squirter is ginormous.

    Did you know that they also require employees to count every loaf of bread every hour to be sure no one behind the counter is stealing their bread? Seriously.

  • http://www.andydarnell.com Andy Darnell

    I have found that once the sandwich artist gets to know you, you have no problems with the creation. My wife and I have been picking up the same sandwiches every wednesday for the past 6 months from the same subway.

    She takes great care with our sandwich art. Every once in a while, I’ll throw a curve ball at her, but she reacts so much better now that she knows us.

    Course, it also makes for a fantastic opportunity to witness to her. We’ve had great conversations with her over time.

  • Bryan

    Well done, Nate. My biggest fault I find at Subway is that when they are done with my sandwich, there is no way the sub is closing. I end up eating half the sandwich/meat salad with a fork and the other half I chew on bread and a gallon of mayo.

  • Alex

    Once my friend and I were in a local Subway establishment. He asked for mayo and the spicy mustard. The lady behind the counter proceeded to put the smallest possible line of both condiments on the top half of the bread. My friend, looking at me in disbelief and trying not to laugh, asked for "a little more, please". Sighing loudly, (ref. Tyler's fast food employees post) she soaked the entire piece of poorly cut bread in both sauces. My friend, eyes now wide with disbelief (I was laughing this time, rather loudly) asked politely, trying to keep his calm, if there was any way that she could take some of it off. USING HER HANDS, she wiped half of it off.

    I ended up eating my sub, and my buddy stopped by the McD's drive-thru on the way back home.

  • http://joannamuses.com Joanna

    It gets even more confusing when you are ordering subway in a foreign country. In other parts of the world the vegatables and cheeses often have different names or in the case of the cheese are often quite different to what you are used to.

    For some reason, the subway stores around here go light on the carrot.