(This Saturday Morning Guest Post is from Leigh Floyd, a consistently hilarious commenter here and my first female guest poster)

The Facebooker
She has a Facebook account and not only has requested to be friends with every person she knows, but also with all of her kid’s friends. She keeps thinking she is writing on a wall when actually she is posting a status therefore broadcasting things such as:

“U look great 2 Melissa! Ur kids are 2 cute.”

When she does post a status correctly it is uniquely embarrassing. Such as: “Just dance, It’ll be okay – LOL” or “Headed to the gstore and then spaghetti 4 dinner. Yum-O”.

This mom also enjoys reading what her kid’s friends have posted and then using it against them later.

The Slang Thrower
Oh, Slang Thrower, why you gotta be like that?  Oh yeah, this mom knows all the words and phrases the kids are saying these days.  She watches The Hills, so of course she’s on top of it. This mom is also known to mix it up a bit by incorporating slang from the past 20 years into her conversations at inappropriate times, such as “Killer”, “Right On” and “Talk to the hand!”

She says “tight” and “sick” and she’s not even talking about your jeans or little Billy’s barf party. Now, she doesn’t use these words around her friends.  Oh no.  She reserves these gems for use around her kids’ friends.  Her friends wouldn’t understand anyway.  Not that she’s hatin’, it’s just, well, they can be whack. Here’s a typical conversation with the Slang Thrower:

Kid’s Friend: Hi Ms. T.
Slang Thrower: (holding her fist up for a bump) Whassup whassup, little man?
Kid: (Eyes rolling as he heads to the fridge for a Dr. Thunder)
KF: (slightly/awkwardly bumping fist w/ST) Ummm, not much.
ST: I hear your new skateboard is off the chain.
K: Mom.
KF:  Yeah, I like it.
ST: That Fred across the street has some sick skills.  Maybe he will help you.
K: Sick. Skills. Seriously?
KF: (slowly looking at Kid) Okay, uh, thanks.
ST: Fo shizzle.
K: (disgustedly walks out, giving a nod for his friend to follow)
KF: See ya, Ms. T.
ST: Later dudes.

The Football Mom
This mom comes to games sporting her sons practice jersey, carrying a large cowbell and a poster with his name in glitter. Sometimes she brings a foghorn but only during playoffs. When her son does something good she can be heard yelling: “You da man, Cuatro Uno!

During the game she sometimes walks down to the coaches and offers them a shoulder rub and a damp towel while reminding them that her son hasn’t gotten all his playing time in yet, and oh, he really likes to play middle linebacker instead of outside linebacker.
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