Music Faces
July 6th, 2009 - Uncategorized - 8 Comments »Lately I’ve noticed that there are a number of facial expressions that make their way into almost every musical setting. Whether you’re actually in the band or merely a spectator at the event, you’re sure to witness these five faces all around you.
The Lead Guitarist
Call me naive, but does playing a lead guitar solo hurt your fingers? Your wrists? It’s got to hurt something. I can’t think of any other explanation for the faces you’re making. I’m a big John Mayer fan, but I’ll only go see him in concert if I’m guaranteed to sit in the nosebleed section. I just can’t bear to watch his exaggerated grimaces up close.
The Pain-Stricken Eye Closer
Why does passion so often times look painful? I don’t know – maybe it is painful. Maybe I’ve just never been passionate before. Sometimes I’ll be next to someone at a concert who is singing along, engulfed in the music, with eyes closed and a horribly distressed look on her face. I feel like she’s having a bad dream and I should wake her up or something. For example:
The Brow Raiser
Apparently there’s only one way to hit those really high notes, and it involves trying to connect your eyebrows to your hair. I caught a glimpse of myself doing it in the car one day while trying to hit a sweet falsetto and the embarrassment alone almost killed me (well, that and the near collision that resulted from me staring at myself in the rear-view for 20+ seconds). I’ve since decided to only sing bass.
The Bottom Lip Biter
This face is usually reserved for drummers, and might be the sole reason I get distracted at concerts after about the the fourth song. All of my attention becomes fixed on the lip bite. I start to wonder if he’s going to bite clear through it, and if the band has a protocol in place if that were to happen.
The Bass Face
97% of all bassists that I’ve seen performing look like they’re in deep thought about something entirely separate from what is happening on stage. If you stare long enough, you can almost make out what they’re thinking. Did I leave the iron on? F, F, B Flat, B Flat. I don’t think I did. C, G Minor, C, G Minor. My house better not be engulfed in flames when I get home, dangit. B Flat, G Minor. Does homeowner’s insurance cover something like this? C, C. I am so screwed. Why does this kind of stuff – G Minor, B Flat – always happen to me? F.
What are some other music faces that need to be addressed?
___
Subscribe to this feed
By far the worst is worship leaders who look bored or express no emotion at all. I find those ones far more distracting than any of the other forms of music faces.
As far as church singers go, the ones who are always smiling while singing really annoy me – especially when they rarely smile in real life.
I echo the bass face. I enjoy listening to the bass and now that you mention it they do always seem to have some kind of deep thought going on in their head. i promise you our bassist at church had to be thinking: Boy I can't wait to get home so I can eat that leftover chicken. He just had this stare and hunger look in his eyes. It was rather funny. He was still jammin tho.
Be careful…as the brow raiser's brows get higer and higer with each note, and you become more and more elated with yourself with each passing harmony…you can become it's evil twin with the bass brow furrower. He's the guy who nearly puts himself into a rage with each deeper note he nails…each bass note nailed causes the head to nod slightly forward and the brow to become more and more angry looking. Eventually, you see youself in the mirror and realize that you look like some sort of demon…usually resulting in some sort of headbanging. This face usually manifests during Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody or any Metallica song.
The Pain-Stricken Eye Closer is a slippery road to straight out crying then being replaced with psycho streaming. I have been preparing my 3 year old daughter for this trap at concerts. We talk about how the Jonas brothers can't really sing they are just entertainers that Disney has created with their multi-million dollar marketing onslaught. I think she is getting the picture. Also, if you are a guy with your eyes closed at a concert ( not worship ), then I declare you free game to get jacked across the face.
I like the taffy chew/ ninja movie face. More common in Cellists and some violinists, occasionally you will see a classically trained guitarist do each fiddled and/or plucked note with their mouth as well as their fingers, which gives the appeal of either a poorly dubbed anime film or a special piece of taffy that takes a dance of your mouth to properly chew.
Let's not forget the "maybe if I squint really hard, I'll be able to hold this note" face.
What's great about Mayer is he does insane combos of these… pain face, brow arch to pain-stricken eye close? Piece of cake.