10

A Beginner’s Guide to Awkward Silences

July 15th, 2009 - Uncategorized - 10 Comments »

I’m fairly certain we’ll never be able to eliminate awkward silences. So instead of running from them or naively hoping they never happen, I want to offer up some suggestions for how to combat them head on.

Look at Phone
The prevalence of smartphones has made this tactic a little easier. Before pulling it out of your pocket, give a mildly surprised look and quiet “hmm” at the fake phone vibration that has just occurred in your pocket. Pull it out, press a few buttons, and let out a brief chuckle at that funny “text” you just received.

Fake Yawn
My favorite thing to do in these awkward situations is to insert a good old fashioned fake yawn. The second that the silent tension begins to arise, let out a slow, exaggerated yawn (fist-to-mouth optional, though I’ve found it works well). This will cause the other person to forget all about the awkwardness and begin wondering what it is you’re up to that makes you so tired. He’ll probably assume you’ve been out late the night before at some awesome party or concert. Double win.

Whistle
If you left your phone in the car and you’re unable to muster up a fake yawn, don’t hesitate to start whistling an old classic. I cannot stress this enough though – never make eye contact with the other person while you’re whistling. This will ruin the moment entirely. You will have to implement an emergency high eyebrow raise and shoe-stare, resulting in an exponentially more awkward situation on your hands.

Study Something
This one works anywhere. If you’re sitting at Chili’s, for example, and the awkward silence occurs, grab one of those cardboard coasters off the table and study its intricate design and composition, as though you’re baffled by its complexity. You must commit to this. Don’t break away from your studies until the other person interrupts the silence. I’ve flirted with a fifteen-minute study session on a couple different occasions.

What are some more ways we can combat this awkwardly silent enemy? Please add your ideas to this list in the comments section below.
___

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/joannamuses joannamuses

    I play tetris on my phone in these kind of situations. It has the double benefit of keeping me amused and looking to the people around me like i'm text messaging something important

  • http://twitter.com/AshleeKV AshleeKV

    LOL–I have definitely used the yawn, Blackberry fake vibrate, and coaster study.
    I've also used the "hey–I think I know that person…" distraction.
    I say, "oh my gosh?!" as I look past them….as they turn to look over their shoulder, I say, "Oh nevermind, I thought that was a guy I dated in high school…but it wasn't them, thank God." Which normally leads to a conversation on ex-boyfriends and stories about awkward public sitings. :)

  • http://bryanallain.com/blog bryan a

    my goal in these situations typically revolves around convincing the other person that I'm more comfortable in the awkward silence than they are. I'll almost always wait them out until they talk first. Sometimes I'll just stand there with a grin on my face that says, "yup, this is awkward. and i love that it's bothering you."

  • http://www.getapprovedshortsale.com airjared

    After reading this " Study Something " , my wife understands why while out with her friends. I read the free Atlanta Apartment Guide, every detail on a menu, every name on the waiting list, make sure I get a tract being passed out front to read, notice every banner and stare at it like it were fine art. " Sir would you like me to take that menu ", uh oh…..

  • nate

    i have found that asking, "so, how's the family," for the third time in 5 minutes is not a very effective tactic. avoid this.

  • http://www.nickflight.blogspot.com Nick Flight

    I find this is the best time to try the famous "pull my finger" gag. It is important to have gas stored up for such an occasion. Farting will not only help you relieve said gas, but it will also help you to eliminate awkward silences in the future- either they will now feel comfortable around you because of the intimate moment shared, or they will be so keen to avoid any more bad smells that they will talk about anything to avoid another awkward silence.

  • Jacob

    If you whistle the Jeopardy theme song, it not only serves the whistling purpose, but it also puts a time limit on how long they have to keep silent. Nobody can resist giving their final answer after the whole song is up. If they don't offer, you can ask what their answer is. (plus you can tell them they are wrong and never should have auditioned to be on the show in the first place)

  • Kyle Stanton

    Either punch them in the kidney or kick them in the shin. Their reaction may be "Why did you do that?" and then that will start a conversation. Or they might leave you which may be even better because, let's be honest, if there's an awkward silence, your not that great of friends anyway.

  • http://joshlafayette.com Josh LaFayette

    This came in really handy when I met my dad for lunch yesterday. Lucky, we ate at a Mexican restaurant so "Study Something" easily translated into "Eat Chips and Salsa."

  • http://kateenglish.wordpress.com Kate English

    If the location permits I always try the "Fake Acquaintance" approach. This involves waving or winking at a person supposedly behind the back* of the "silent and awkward" person that you are meeting with. It usually helps to have a back-story too. Something like: "Oh that was Georgio, he and I had homeschool ice skating lessons together way back in '99."

    *Warning, this approach DOES NOT work if you are both facing the same direction. Unless you are comfortable with them believing you see invisible people, or you don't mind that the random stranger you are waving at is creeped out.