Is anyone willing to join forces with me in my quest to eliminate the following birthday customs?

Cards
There really are only two types of birthday cards out there – those that have money, and those that we wish had money. Think about how many hours of our lives we’ve wandered the card aisle looking for the perfect card, the one with words that capture exactly what we want to communicate. Let me tell you this – if I don’t have to move a Hamilton or Jackson out of the way to read those words, the communication has already been done.

Restaurant Singing
Guess what, Chili’s? Sending a handful of unenthusiastic waiters and waitresses over to my table to sing your clever variation of Happy Birthday to me isn’t quite hitting the spot. Don’t get me wrong though – I used to love it. I would go spend ten minutes in the bathroom to give my table plenty of time to arrange my “surprise.” But now, when it’s around September and I hear the distant sound of rhythmic clapping getting closer and closer, I die a little inside.

“And Many More”
There are always a couple people at a party that have been enthusiastically waiting to cap of the group’s performance of Happy Birthday with a performance of their own. It’s only three words, and it’s somehow always operatic – “…and many moooore!” As if that wasn’t enough, the more socially inept one continues on – “on channel four, and Scooby Doo on channel two, Frankenstein on channel nine – until, thankfully, someone burns him on the chin with a candle.

The Reminderer
I love when people try to casually remind people that it’s their birthday.

Birthday Boy: Man, I can’t remember the last time my birthday was on a Tuesday.
Neil: Hmm? Oh, me neither.
Birthday Boy: It’s just that… I only eat egg salad on my birthday.
Neil: Interesting choice.
Birthday Boy: [Eyebrows raised, grinning expectantly, while nodding down to his egg salad] Eh?
Neil: What? … Oh! OK. It’s your birthday. OK. I get it.
Birthday Boy: Thanks!
Neil: For what?

The Extended Birthday
I think we all know people that are never satisfied with a mere day of celebration. They like to milk their birthday for at least a week, if not longer. You’re heading out to dinner with your friends, certain that it has something to do with your birthday tomorrow, only to find out you’re still celebrating Melissa’s birthday from eight weeks ago. I guess the tiara she was wearing should have given it away. That, or that ice cream cake she’s been toting around all night.

That being said, 09/09/09 is coming up (this, by the way, will be the first time I’ve ever had a birthday where all the numbers matched up like this!). We’ll be celebrating from 9/6 to 9/22.

What other birthday customs should we eliminate?
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