Cramming
August 12th, 2009 - Uncategorized - 8 Comments »Much of my high school and college experience was devoted to cramming for tests, only to permanently forget the information before I even left the classroom (which I guess would explain why I recently thought water was an element and that Napoleon Bonaparte was a left-handed pitcher for the Cleveland Indians). Unfortunately, as Amy pointed out the other day, I haven’t outgrown this particular lifestyle. I cram…
Before the Dentist
There’s nothing quite like carving up your gums with dental floss the day before your dental appointment. No matter how delicate my approach, I end up with a mouthful of plaque-blood and gums so inflated that my son could use them as a pillow. Then the conversation at the dentist goes something like this:
Dentist: Have you been flossing?
Me: I mean, I don’t floss, like, every second of every day.
Dentist: Yeah, but on a regular basis?
Me: Um, define “regular.”
Dentist: Whoopsie – I think your top gum just popped. Nevermind. I got my answer.
Before Shirtlessness
I’m going to a boat party this weekend and there’s about a 100% chance that I’ll do some push-ups in the bathroom before I take my shirt off. Some habits are just impossible to break. In high school I could pull off a 30-minute workout routine in the bathtub, come out sweating, and convince everyone that something I ate just wasn’t agreeing with me (and that I always take my shirt off when I take a dump).
Before Meeting Someone
If I’m going to meet up with someone that I haven’t seen in a while, you better believe I’m going to spend about half an hour on his Facebook profile’s Info tab, re-learning all the stuff we almost certainly talked about last time we hung out. It’s hard to work the fact that you know his favorite movie quote into a conversation without looking like a stalker, but he’ll forget all about it as soon as you rattle off his email address and AIM screen name.
Before We Have Guests Over
We have two kids, but my wife and I like to make our house appear as though we don’t whenever we have guests over. Every time it’s the same – pick up all the toys, hide the toys, buy some flowers, vacuum the carpet, mop the floor, steam clean the carpet, install new appliances, re-tile the bathroom, finish the basement, get our teeth whitened, and go to the tanning bed. Then, when our guests arrive, we inevitably follow up our greetings with a casual apology that our house is such a wreck. Suckers.
Please tell me we’re not the only crammers.
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as a teacher, i would much rather get out of bed at 5:30am and spend the next two hours prepping for my classes than spend one second of my precious evening getting ready for tomorrow. america's got talent is not going to watch itself, tyler.
i think you and amy need to start a new way of doing things in which you leave your house as it is when guests come over, and don't apologize for it being messy. in fact, maybe you could mess it up even more before they come. then when they arrive say, "we didn't clean our house at all before you came. this is how it always is. that is how important you are to us, and how little we care about your opinion of us."
I've always known my wife and I are crammers. But it was our 4 year old daughter that pointed it out to us one day. We, too, are house cleaning crammers. If we didn't have company over, our house would never get cleaned. Well, one Saturday, we decided to break that tradition and actually just clean the house. Our daughter comes out of her room, sees us cleaning and says, "Is someone coming over?"
Yeah. We're not going to be nominated as parents of the year in the Home Ec. category.
Guilty as charged. I also cram with yardwork, letting it go as long as possible, then spending an entire weekend deforesting the yard.
I totally cram in the household area, which is funny, but unfortunately, I also cram with my Navy drills. That's unfortunate, because if I look like an idiot in those drills, everyone from the lowest seaman to the Captain sees it. It's so awesome to be a procrastinator!
I just went to the dentist this morning and I flossed for the first time in 6 months last night. I don't know why I think I can fool them…
cramming with pushups before being shirtless. haha. i am guilty as charged.
This may be the opposite of "cramming", but for like 24 hours before I have a dr. appointment I hardly eat anything and get in some extra exercise. I want my weight to be as low as possible when I go in….