I’ve noticed that there are many unconventional and illogical ways that we communicate certain emotions. Here are some ridiculous, yet common, ways I’ve seen concern expressed in the past couple weeks:

Eye-Closed Head Nod
This seems to be the go-to for anyone on the receiving end of a troubling conversation. I honestly don’t know whether you’re responding to me or silently jamming to Boom Boom Pow.*

Arm Grab
If the blind nods aren’t cutting it, reach out and clutch their forearm. Apparently, there’s a pressure point in there that, if you squeeze just right, will make all the world’s problems go away.

Hmm
I don’t know how to say this tactfully, but I’m OK with silence between my sentences. I know your “hmm’s” are just an attempt to be both affirming and engaging, but I get the feeling you’re trying to subtly imply that I should speak louder. I’m pouring my heart out, for crying out loud. Let me choose the volume.

Whisper
The opposite side of the Hmm coin is the concerned whisper. I know you feel like speaking at a normal volume would have a disconcerting edge to it, but the last thing I want to do in my moment of vulnerability is strain to hear your voice. Again, let me choose the volume.

Bless Your Heart
The last time this phrase had any impact whatsoever was in 1953. I vote we treat it like an old penny and take it out of circulation.

*If I ask you what you think, and you tell me that I’m “so two-thousand-and-late”, you’ve successfully confirmed my suspicions. There isn’t much hope of recovery at this point.
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1. Favorite Contest Entry – This one, promoting MSI’s X-Slim

2. Favorite Person -

3. Favorite Obscure Display of Athleticism – This (Real?)

4. Favorite Upcoming Show (besides Community) – Modern Family

5. Favorite Prop -

6. Favorite Upcoming Movie (Maybe) – Mystery Team

Your opinion: Will this movie be funny?
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You probably all know Bryan Allain by now. His two guest posts here, DBTG: The Work Teeth Brusher and DBTG: The Bad Office Pooper, are arguably funnier than anything I’ve ever written (thanks a lot, Bryan).

Over at his site, he’s been conducting this Humor Survey where he asks some really funny people a list of questions about humor, faith, and their relationship (if any). Somehow, I made the cut. Below are a list of the questions he asked me. If you’re interested in seeing what my answers were, click here or on the massive Ramblings and Such banner at the top.

1. What were a few of the shows/people/things that you remember laughing at the most as a kid?

2. What about now as an adult? What specific things do you find funny these days?

3. Conversely, is there something that lots of other people find humorous that never really makes you laugh?

4. Do you think Christians are afraid of humor? If so, why?

5. How do you think humor can be useful to Christianity?

6. In your opinion, how is humor different from sarcasm/cynicism?

7. At what point in life did you really start to embrace the idea: “wow, I think I might be funny.”?

8. Why do you want to be funny?

9. Have you ever tried to do stand-up? If so, what was it like? If not, do you think it’s something you could do or would want to do?

10. Do you have a favorite quote (or joke or story) about comedy, humor, and making people laugh?

Thanks Bryan for giving me this opportunity. I would say it’s humbling to be considered in this way, but that’s the exact opposite of what is happening. I can actually feel myself getting more self-centered by the second.
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Much of my high school and college experience was devoted to cramming for tests, only to permanently forget the information before I even left the classroom (which I guess would explain why I recently thought water was an element and that Napoleon Bonaparte was a left-handed pitcher for the Cleveland Indians). Unfortunately, as Amy pointed out the other day, I haven’t outgrown this particular lifestyle. I cram…

Before the Dentist
There’s nothing quite like carving up your gums with dental floss the day before your dental appointment. No matter how delicate my approach, I end up with a mouthful of plaque-blood and gums so inflated that my son could use them as a pillow. Then the conversation at the dentist goes something like this:

Dentist: Have you been flossing?
Me: I mean, I don’t floss, like, every second of every day.
Dentist: Yeah, but on a regular basis?
Me: Um, define “regular.”
Dentist: Whoopsie – I think your top gum just popped. Nevermind. I got my answer.

Before Shirtlessness
I’m going to a boat party this weekend and there’s about a 100% chance that I’ll do some push-ups in the bathroom before I take my shirt off. Some habits are just impossible to break. In high school I could pull off a 30-minute workout routine in the bathtub, come out sweating, and convince everyone that something I ate just wasn’t agreeing with me (and that I always take my shirt off when I take a dump).

Before Meeting Someone
If I’m going to meet up with someone that I haven’t seen in a while, you better believe I’m going to spend about half an hour on his Facebook profile’s Info tab, re-learning all the stuff we almost certainly talked about last time we hung out. It’s hard to work the fact that you know his favorite movie quote into a conversation without looking like a stalker, but he’ll forget all about it as soon as you rattle off his email address and AIM screen name.

Before We Have Guests Over
We have two kids, but my wife and I like to make our house appear as though we don’t whenever we have guests over. Every time it’s the same – pick up all the toys, hide the toys, buy some flowers, vacuum the carpet, mop the floor, steam clean the carpet, install new appliances, re-tile the bathroom, finish the basement, get our teeth whitened, and go to the tanning bed. Then, when our guests arrive, we inevitably follow up our greetings with a casual apology that our house is such a wreck. Suckers.

Please tell me we’re not the only crammers.
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WARNING: Today’s post offers no entertainment value, just a desperate plea for you to help me out. We’ll still be friends if you decide to leave and come back tomorrow.

I’m going to be up front with you. I want to earn some money with this blog. Like, so much money that my wallet gives me back problems.

Instead of filling my front page with ads that I really have no control over (and that you could care less about), I’ve signed up for some affiliate programs of some products that I’ve not only enjoyed, but have really helped me with this blog and with life in general.

Basically, an affiliate program is a chance for me to sell other peoples’ products on my site and by doing so, earn a percentage of the overall sale.

Here are 5 products that I think you’ll benefit from and, if you buy through my site, will help me out as well. Just click on the icons below to learn more and…well…purchase.
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Here is a description of the product. It’s from Darren Rowse, the blogging guru over at problogger.net.
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These are from Chris Guillebeau of The Art of Nonconformity. He has a plan in place to visit every country in the world by April 7, 2013. He’s already visited 117 of 197 countries.

Lastly, if I came out with a product (say, a toilet book full of the worthless things I write about on this blog), would you buy it?
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