The Entrance Ambush
The other day I walked into our local H.H. Gregg and was pounced on by at least three employees (it could’ve been more, but I couldn’t tell due to the fact I was cowering in self-defense). Am I finding everything I’m looking for? Really? This early in the game? Yes sir. I found the entrance. Thank you for your concern.

The Trick Question

Cashier: Do you want to save 15%…?
Me: Of course. Who wouldn’t?
Cashier: …by becoming a preferred rewards member?
Me: Oh, no thanks.
Cashier: [Penetrating stare into my soul] It’s free.
Me: Free?
Cashier: Well, sort of. We’ll just add the cost of the membership to the gross purchase total and subtract the 15% that you’ll be saving from the pre-tax amount and you’ll end up saving eight cents today, which in this economy is a pretty good –
Me: There’s nothing I want less than to be a member.

Closed Self-Checkout Lines
How are only two out of the six ever open? Please don’t try to explain why. I’m not open to understanding.

The Interview
Hey Radio Shack, all I want to do is buy this freaking cord. It seems a little unnecessary (and a lot intrusive) for you to interrogate me with questions about my name, address*, email, phone number, height, weight, shoe size, what magazines I subscribe to, religious beliefs, history of illness, favorite hockey team, cable provider, and what I got for my fourteenth birthday.

Your turn. What bothers you about stores?

Oh, and for more store grievances, check out my post about The Burdens of Shopping for Less and 4 Horrible Things About the Mall.

*If the store we’re in is in the same city that I live in, don’t wait for me to tell you the zip code. I won’t do it. It’s a matter of principal.
___

  Subscribe to this feed

9 Comments »

Hey. Be sure to check out my guest post today over at Stuff Christians Like. It’s a sad look at my obsession to evangelize about the more trivial things in life.

If you’re new here, check out my Essentials page to get an idea of the stupid crap I write about. Now, on to The Weekly Six…

1. Favorite One-Sentence Blog – zingersandwich.com (Some call him the next Jack Handy. I call him the next Joey Gladstone.)

2. Favorite Show (confirmed) – Entourage

3. Favorite AFP Photo – The glass of OJ is what clenched it for me.

4. Favorite Obscure Display of Athleticism – I’m fairly confident I couldn’t even do a single thing he does here.

5. Favorite Website – itmademyday.com and eternalmoonwalk.com

6. Favorite Emmy Moment – Jimmy Fallon

___

  Subscribe to this feed

2 Comments »

In addition to The Weekly Six tomorrow, I’m guest posting over at my friend Jon’s site, stuffchristianslike.net. Be sure to go check it out – it’s a shameful, yet honest look at a day in the life of Tyler Stanton. Oh, and incase you missed my last guest post on his site, click here to read (and to see me in a red full-body spandex suit).

  Subscribe to this feed

3 Comments »

I always thought that as a 29-year-old, husband and father of two, I’d understand more about the way this world works. Well, I was wrong. It only took me a couple seconds to compile a list of seven things I’m not even close to comprehending.

Insurance
Yesterday my basement flooded. Good thing I have insurance, right? Well, apparently the thousands of dollars I’ve paid them over the years to cover emergencies doesn’t cover…emergencies. What am I paying for again?

Stock Market
I was a business major in college. I took (and passed) several classes dealing with this very subject, and the only nugget I came away with was “buy low, sell high.”

Backwards Spinning Wheels
Dear car driving right next to me on the Interstate, Let me get this straight. You’re driving forward and yet your wheels appear to be spinning backwards. I think I deserve an explanation.

Cell Phones
Let me get this straight – the path of my phone call is my phone, cell tower, space, cell tower, your phone? Who’s idea was this? Why isn’t he the king of the world?

Minesweeper
I haven’t played in a while (due to my conversion to the world of Macintosh), but even when I used to I would just click on random squares until some numbers would pop up.

Cricket
When I lived in London for a few months, I tried to immerse myself into the culture as much as possible. This involved hours and hours in front of a TV trying to figure out the rules/end goal of cricket. Every time I asked someone to explain it, they would just give me a patronizing, you-couldn’t-possibly-understand laugh and then walk away.

Quantum Physics
Haven’t quite nailed this one yet, but I’m probably closer to mastering it than Minesweeper.

What don’t you understand that you think you should?
Or, can you help me understand one of the things above?
___

  Subscribe to this feed

7 Comments »

I just want to take a second to apologize to anyone I might have offended last week with the content of my posts. I had a few friends bring to my attention the fact that some of my stuff could be interpreted as prejudiced and insensitive. That was not my intention at all.

I know I’m not going to be able to please everyone with this blog (especially since it exists to make fun of everyday absurdities), but I will definitely make more of an effort to stay away from certain topics/issues. Again, I’m sorry.

See you tomorrow.
___

  Subscribe to this feed

1 Comment »

1. Favorite Video – AutoTune the News 8 (with T-Pain)

2. Favorite Computer Program – TuneUp for iTunes

From the site: Who is “Unknown Artist”? What is “Track 01″? Find out with Clean. There’s nothing more annoying than a music library littered with “Unknown Artists”, “Track 01s”, or the same artist labeled multiple different ways, i.e. “Led Zepplin vs. LEDZEPLIN vs. zePPlin”. Clean is the must-have tool for anyone with missing or inaccurate ID3 tags in their iTunes music collection. TuneUp will automagically fill in missing metadata like artist, song name, album, release year and genre.

3. Favorite Tennis Shot – Roger Federer

4. Removed

5. Favorite FAIL -

6. Favorite Father/Daughter Moment -

___

  Subscribe to this feed

6 Comments »