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The 6 Most Unnecessary Things in Life

September 17th, 2009 - Uncategorized - 18 Comments »

Here is a list of some societal norms that always leave me thinking one thing and one thing only: Is this really necessary?

Pronunciation guide on a Mexican Restaurant menu
Have you seen these? Look, I may be a Gringo, but I know how to pronounce BUH-REE-TOE.

Radio Shack forearm-length receipt
The other day I bought an adapter for my TV that was smaller than my pinky toe. Thankfully, my receipt was long enough to be used as a pageant sash.

Land lines
I know, I know. What if my cellphone is dead and there is an emergency at home? Look, the chances of my wife and I both having dead cell phones and both not being able to find our chargers are smaller than Bryan Allain’s chances of beating me in our Twitter challenge.

Gas pump zip code requirement
I have nothing to say about this. I’ll never understand it.

***
[Removed for insensitivity. Sorry if I offended anyone.]

ESPN Classic
I love sports highlights as much as the next guy, but entire games? Who has time to sit and watch the 1982 AFC Championship in its entirety? And more importantly, who the freak cares?

What else needs to be added to this list?

Oh, and make sure you come back for The Weekly Six tomorrow. There are a few things I’m really excited about sharing with you.
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  • David

    I'd like to see you wearing the pagent sash –

    I'm pretty sure the brail on Drive-thru ATMs is a bit unnecessary as well…and just downright scary if you really think about it.

    • http://hollynichols.com Holly

      How do you know that the braile doesnt read "If You Can Read This You Should Not Be Driving"? =)

  • http://www.adaupdates.blogspot.com Scott

    Directions on microwave popcorn….not only are they unnecessary, I popped some for wife last night and as I was waiting on it to finish, I noticed they read as follows: heat for more or less than 2min 30sec. Thank you Orville, that was very instructing. Also, thank you for warning me that the bag will be hot after its ambiguous amount of time in the microwave.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/evdaddy evdaddy

    toilet paper. why? we have hands and sinks.

  • http://bryanallain.com/ bryan a

    Stack O Napkins – Not every fast food chain is guilty of this, but there's a few of you out there who do this (Five Guys) and you know who you are. I open up my bag to eat my burger and fries and I literally find 40 napkins inside. what i am supposed to do with these napkins? If I smeared my burger and fries all over my body and dumped my coke on my head, I could STILL clean up the mess and have napkins left over. Thanks for single-handedly destroying the rain forests, Burger King.

    ps…i hope your Twitter account gets hacked by an angry nerd-hacker.

  • nate

    the word, "irregardless"- you know what i'm talking about

    vegans – what the heck are you trying to prove anyways? i don't think all people who eat red meat are necessarily manly, but i do think all vegans are sissys who have made a terrible choice.

    • http://joshlafayette.com Josh LaFayette

      Wow. What a stupid thing to say.

  • http://cjsmiller.blogspot.com chris miller

    Wal-Mart cashiers asking you if you found everything. If you've just spent thirty minutes trying to find the unlocatable before giving up, then another 20 minutes in line, are you really going to say, "Well actually, I was unable to locate the imitation fancy feast." I'm sure that giving any response beyond "Yes I found everything" will earn you murderous glares from the fifteen people behind you. Not to mention the fact that your lunch break is over and if you spend any more time in Wal-Mart you're in danger of losing your job.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/dustyken dustyken

    …are smaller than Bryan Allain’s chances of beating me in our Twitter challenge…

    That's just cold. (but very funny.)

    Crazy warning labels. Like, on hemorrhoid cream. It says, "Don't take orally." Is this really a problem? I know it's on there because someone actually did it. Or on cigarette packages. "SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health." Really. Cause I thought they were little sticks of heaven that was magically making me be able to breathe under water like a fish.

    • Kristen

      Oddly enough, I was told a story a few weeks ago about someone brushing their teeth with Preparation H…so I guess there is a need.

  • http://kensrobin.blogspot.com Robin

    Phone books! My boss was irritated last week that she couldn't find me in the white pages. Seriously? I thought that phone books were only good for keeping my recycling bin from blowing away.

  • http://mymorgue.org hayne

    Continuing on cashiers…
    How about the cashier that asks you at checkout, "Is this everything?"
    "No, these are the things I don't want in the store. Ring everything else in here up."

  • http://gaskillrascals.blogspot.com Gaskill Rascal

    This has bothered me for sometime. There is a sign in Maryland at the "gated/guarded with giant guns" exit for NSA/Fort Meade that reads: NSA employees exit here.
    I mean, c'mon, if you work for the NSA, then you aren't the type of person that needs a sign at your exit? You know where you work and how to get there.

  • http://www.ilovemrpibb.blogspot.com Greta

    Can I say speed limit signs? Especially those on I-85. Really? Who’s following them?

  • Leigh

    The thunder/lightning/rain shower in the produce section at the grocery store. Why are all of my comments about the grocery store?

  • Sarah

    The signs by the road that say "Do not pass when solid yellow line is on your side". Isn't that what a solid yellow line means? If you have a driver' license, shouldn't you already know that? Do you post speed limit signs and then 50 yards later post a sign that says "Do not exceed speed limit"?

  • http://ponderingarenting.blogspot.com/ Lacey

    Commercials. With the invention of the magical DVR – who watches these suckers anymore anyway?

  • http://Stevewulf.com Steve wulf

    Thanks for the follow DM’s on Twitter. I mean come on does anyone really believe they are genuine and not from a third party.