Dear Dental Hygienists,

I’m really grateful for what you do, but I have 8 small requests (in typical order of occurrence)…

1. Please refrain from carving your initials into my gums. I happened to catch a glimpse of my mouth after you finished attacking me with your metal scraper and it looked like I’d been chewing on ketchup packets for the past couple hours.

2. Please keep your disapproving “mmh”s to yourself. Even though I’m a whole two feet away from you, I can still hear your audible condemnation. I seriously felt like I was about to be grounded.

3. Please stop showing me x-rays. I really appreciate the gesture, but I have no clue what I’m looking at. Trying to locate that cavity you’re pointing out makes me feel a little like I’m staring (unsuccessfully) at a Magic Eye poster trying to see that 3D bald eagle.

4. Please eat something before my appointment. Nothing has ever been closer to your stomach than my ear. You were either starving, holding back a fart, or two whales were mating inside of you. Whichever one it was, I no longer feel comfortable making eye contact with you.

5. Please use discretion when asking an open-ended question. When I have a mouth wedge, two impression trays, and four utensils crammed into my mouth, it’s probably not the best time to ask me the details of my upcoming career change.

6. Please use some of the money I pay you on modern toothbrushes. Anything but the flat, solid-color, 90° bristled, piece of garbage that you might find at a Chuck-e-Cheese ticket redemption counter. I need lots of aerodynamics and bristles going in at least 8 different directions. Oh, and I won’t use it if it’s not two-toned.

7. Please tell me if I need to clean my face off. I love getting back in the car after a long conversation with the receptionist, only to look in the rear-view mirror and see plaque nuggets all over my cheeks. And all this time I thought she was laughing at my clever one-liners.

8. Please forgive me in advance for failing to change. Every time it’s the same old song and dance. I’m going to leave you with an incredibly strong resolve to change. I’ll floss holes in my gums for the next three days, but I promise you, it won’t last. If you can’t handle this, we might need to start seeing other people.

If you could just go ahead and get those 8 things worked out, I (and the rest of the world) would really appreciate it. Thanks!

Sincerely,
Tyler Stanton

Anything else that needs to be added to the list?
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Last week I mentioned that Tripp and I made something for Catalyst that is one of my favorite projects we’ve ever done. Here it is.

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Catalyst 09 was this past Thursday and Friday. It’s hard to describe how incredible it was, so I’ve decided to just make a list of my 10 favorite moments. If you couldn’t care less about Catalyst, check back tomorrow for the usual nonsense.

10. Sharing the stage with Rob Bell – Sure, he didn’t know it, but it still doesn’t take away from how great it felt to be up there with one of the most influential authors of my entire life.

9. Sitting with Dan Cathy – As I sat down next to him, he leaned over to say something to me. One of our videos had just shown, so I was certain he’d be giving me a verbal pat on the back. He just told me that the seat was saved for someone else.

8. Hosting the Red Carpet with Tripp and Carlos – Most likely the only time in my life that I’ll have someone following me around in a crowd with my enormous head hoisted on a stick.

7. Smashing Steve Fee’s guitar against a brick wall – His album reached Top 20 on all of iTunes last week. Someone needed to humble him. Video coming soon.

6. Hanging out with Cory and Coby from Dude Perfect – Two of the six guys who have the most popular videos on the Internet right now. Great guys with great hearts. Fellas, just so you know, Tripp and I are coming after you with a little basketball video of our own.

5. Aaron Keyes

4. Taking my cyber-friendship with Bryan Allain to a legit friendship – Sure, he hijacked my Twitter account during his visit (and by hijacked, I mean that he simply got on my laptop that I left open right next to where he was sleeping…I was asking for it), but that wasn’t enough to deter us from becoming real friends. I hope posting this video won’t either (via 10secondsofzany.com)

3. Professor Splash – Just your run-of-the-mill 48-year-old man diving 40 feet into a baby pool filled with 1 foot of water. Don’t believe me? Click here to watch. Oh, and Tripp got an amazing interview with him afterward.

2. Responses to our videos – Tripp and I made six videos for the event. The responses couldn’t have been better. I can’t wait to show them to you. We’ll be posting our first on Wednesday.

1. The Reunion – A Compassion kid (now in his 20s) from Africa who had been sponsored for 20 years came to speak about how his life has been blessed by Compassion…or so he thought. They asked him if he’d ever met his sponsor before, he said no, they said “Do you want to?”, and then they brought him up to meet each other for the first time. Not a dry eye in the arena.
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1. Today is my wife’s birthday. If you get a chance, wish her a happy birthday (@amy_stanton). Don’t tell her, but I’ll be treating her to a fancy dinner tonight at Applebee’s, where they’ll surely treat her to a half-hearted wait-staff birthday song. I can’t wait.

2. Due to the fact that I’ve made zero dollars and zero cents from the affiliate stuff I was doing over on the sidebar, I’ve removed those links and will soon be replacing them with a product of my own. I’m torn between a self-published book and a designer poncho line. Thoughts?

3. Catalyst is this week. I can’t really tell you about the different things we’re doing yet, but be sure to check back next week to see/hear about some of the stuff I get to be a part of. I will say this though – there is one thing we’ve made that I might be more proud of than anything we’ve ever done. Note: There will be a live backstage feed Thursday and Friday if you’re interested.

4. Due to the three responses to my post yesterday (really two, because one was a pity-comment from Amy), I’ll be keeping the Essentials page as is for now. I hear you, quiet and clear.

5. My Twitter rival, Bryan Allain, is flying in tomorrow for Catalyst and staying at the Stanton Estate. For those keeping track at home, I’m winning 891 to 733 in our race to 1000 followers. So, if 109 more of you could just go ahead and join my team, free designer ponchos for all of you! Any good sabotage ideas for my soon-to-be house guest?
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I know, I know. I ask you for favors all the time. Well, today is no different. The most recent post on my Essentials page is from May 19. It’s now October 5 and I’ve written a lot of words since then – some absurd, some funny, none profound. Can you help me update the page?*

In the comments section, can you tell me your 3 favorite posts? If you don’t have three favorites, feel free to lie.

*This may or may not also be a subtle attempt to stroke my ego.**
**The very presence of that sentence canceled out all subtlety.
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