The dictionary on my computer defines pretentiousness as “attempting to impress by affecting greater importance, talent, culture, etc., than is actually possessed.” Here are a few examples of this heinous disease I observed last week in friends, strangers, and (predominantly) myself.

Saying a band “sold out”
I remember saying this about John Mayer a few years ago. I took great pleasure in letting people know I listened to him back when he was playing an acoustic guitar and singing ballads about his mouth. I couldn’t believe he would want to get paid millions of dollars more to do what he was already doing. Now I can. I hope I get to sell out one day.

Correcting my grammar
The only thing you’re proving when you interrupt my conversation to remind me that I shouldn’t end my sentence with a preposition is that we won’t be having another conversation…ever.

Scoffing at light beer
I completely understand that different people have different preferences in the beer aisle. But acting as though drinking a light beer would permanently scar your esophageal tract and send you into a mild depression is a bit overdramatic. True, it’s not Guinness. But it’s also not hydrochloric acid.

Watching Champion’s League Soccer
When you set your alarm to wake up a 4am so you can watch the quarterfinal match between Leeds United and Aston Villa, are you doing it because you really love it, or because you really love telling people you love it?

Putting an Apple sticker on your car
I get it. You’re just letting the world know you’re better than them. We really can’t argue with you.

Saying the movie wasn’t as good as the book
My first experience in this department was with The Firm. The only problem was that I couldn’t find anyone who had seen the movie to brag to. So I did what anyone else in my situation would have done. I tried to slide it into a conversation about Derek Jeter. They may not have acted like it, but deep down I think they were impressed.

What are some examples of pretentiousness you’ve observed?
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