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Excuses for Speeding

November 19th, 2009 - Uncategorized - 13 Comments »

I’ve been pulled over an absurd amount of times in my thirteen years of driving. Through these unfortunate experiences I have learned many valuable lessons (none of which, apparently, were “slow down”). I’ve learned how/how not to speak to an officer (“Dude” is frowned upon), the importance of body language (lip-quivers rarely get you the traction you desired), what excuses work, and what approaches never stand a chance. Allow me to share a few of my experiences…

Sympathetic Approach
Situation: Speeding home from college during my Freshman year on I-20
My Actual Quote: “Today is my little brother’s last baseball game…and I’m running late. I’ll never forgive myself if I miss it.”
Body Language: Lip-quiver, exaggerated “this isn’t happening” head-shake
Result: $125 ticket and a “too bad” from the officer about missing the game

Illogical Approach
Situation: Driving through a blizzard in Colorado in a friend’s truck with one friend in the passenger seat, one hiding behind my seat, and two laying down in the covered bed hugging snow skis
My Actual Quote: “I was, um, just speeding up…um, to try to find the speed limit sign…faster.”
Body Language: Excessive squinting, looking off into the distance, mild shivering, discrete shushing of dude behind me
Result: Warning (Officer’s wife was from Georgia, which, he reminded me, was the only reason I was let off the hook)

Biological Approach
Situation: Driving down State Bridge Rd., the speed-trap capital of Metro Atlanta
My Actual Quote: “Sir, my stomach is killing me. You know…that kind of killing me. I’m just trying to get to a bathroom before I ruin my car’s upholstery.”
Body Language: Stomach clutching, shifting around in seat, high eyebrow raises every few seconds
Result: $75 ticket (apparently that excuse was “tremendously unoriginal”)

Desperate Approach
Situation: Driving to Waffle House in South Carolina at 11pm
My Actual Quote: “Please, PLEASE, just give me a warning. My dad is going to kill me. No? I’m serious. It has something to do with insurance premiums, but I’m not entirely sure. I’ll do anything. Please?
Body Language: Temporarily resting head on steering wheel, lots of prayer hands, excessive use of “Sir”
Result: $50 ticket

Blatantly Honest Approach
Situation: Driving home on Dogwood Rd. around midnight
My Actual Quote: “Why was I speeding? Honestly, I’m really tired. It’s been a long day. The guy who’s basement I live in just got a new hot tub and I’m really excited about going to get in it.”
Body Language: None
Result: Warning (He said he was taken aback by my honesty)

Any other excuses we need to know about? Any of you tried one of these with a different result? Any cops that read this who could give us the secret code word to get out of all future traffic violations?
___

  • Joel Purser

    Apparently, if you are a college student with longer hair and a scruffy beard that gives them a reason to sniff and say "is there anything in the vehicle I should know about?" Then they ask to search the car. Makes it a little more fun to tick them off and say "not without probable cause" when you know you are already getting a ticket for 30 over.

  • nate

    ummm, officer, you must've missed the black sticker with the blue stripe on my rear window. i think we both know you have no authority here.

    (this is how i imagine it goes down for those lucky sticker owners)

  • EdwardLife

    Really the honesty approach is used so infrequently that it is refreshing when I hear it. Allof the others- including every one you've mentioned, have been used time and again. Not impressed. Even the ones with a medical emergency where youre trying to get there in a hurry, and I offer to have an ambulance or a police car sent home to check on your profusely bleeding relative (that gets a "no thats okay" in response to my offer) are unoriginal.

    Your best chance of a skip on a ticket comes from just being honest. 'I'm sorry I was talking with my wife on the phone arguing about who's taking our daughter to practice' or 'X99 started playing that Mandatory Metallica rock block and I sped up listening to Master Of Puppets' is more likely to get you a hey just slow down.

    The other thing I look at is driving history. If you're speeding and have active points for two other speedings in the last 5 years, expect a third.

    In summary:
    - Be Honest about your situation
    - Have a clean driving record
    - Have your paperwork- lic/reg/ins so I don't have to jump thru hoops to find the info myself
    - Be polite
    - Dont sound cocky
    - Have a Reasonable Speed.. Don't be going 30 over.
    -

  • http://inhershoes7.blogspot.com Sarah Beth

    I think the lip quiver works a whole lot better if you're female. And if you can work in tears, an "I'm really sorry, Officer", or even just laugh at their jokes, it usually goes pretty well. However, if said cop is also a female, all bets are off.

  • http://ferrero51.wordpress.com Alex

    Situation: Driving to a wedding rehearsal dinner
    My Actual Quote: "This guy in the passenger seat is marrying your sheriff's daughter tomorrow night."
    Body Language: Half-cocky, as to say, "Ticket me, I dare you."
    Result: A really dirty look from the cop towards my body language, but got off the hook with a warning. He called in to verify my excuse. We ended up twenty minutes late. I caught grief for it the rest of the night.

    side note – my window was broken at the time and wouldn't roll back up if i rolled it down. It was December 26th. I wasn't rolling down the window. I tried opening the door slow and explained the situation loudly as I did so, but still got yelled at by the cop and I had a pistol in my face. Good times…

  • Officer Dan

    code word: luscious

  • Mom

    Only you can get stopped when you're not even driving (i.e. the Highlands)

  • Jonald

    Situation: Driving around with 3 guys during a thanksgiving scavenger hunt for a food pantry. Listening to "free credit report" theme song, turned it up to listen and sing along.

    My Actual Quote: I didn't realize…I just moved out here and am doing a thanksgiving scavenger hunt…I am the new youth pastor at the church down the road….I just didn't…."

    Body Language: Frantically looking for insurance info, shaky voice…a deer in headlights.

    Result: Warning (apparently they don't usually pull people over for Noise ordinance…but I'm pretty sure they thought I was joyriding or something)

    • Jonald

      not really a speeding story, but it happened yesterday and seemed fitting to share.

  • http://kevinkeigley.wordpress.com/ kevin

    SITUATION: Driving home from some high school event
    MY ACTUAL QUOTE: My dad said that the speed limit was in effect when the speed limit sign was visible.
    BODY LANGUAGE: Can't remember, but probably making sure I keep my hands visible (paranoid from too many police shows)
    OFFICER'S RESPONSE: Oh, is your dad a judge or something?
    MY RESPONSE: No, he's just my dad.
    RESULT: Warning — and he let me shoot his gun a few times.

  • Litlamy

    Situation: Driving to drop off a dinner for some friends who just had a baby…late! 5 month old baby in back seat screaming at top of her lungs b/c I had to cut her nap short.
    My Actual Quote: i am so sorry I was trying to calm my daughter down…still screaming in background…and I didn't notice I was 8 over the speed limit.
    Body Language: Sad Sad Sad and frustrated with baby screaming for the past 10 minutes straight.
    Officer's Response: Ma'am you shouldn't be speeding with your baby in the car anyways. Slow down.
    Result: $120 ticket, bill for 8 hour Driving School.
    My Response: TEARS!

  • Amanda

    When the cop asked for my license and registration, i grabbed my registration card and my insurance card (which are the same size piece of paper), looked reeeeeealll hard at them for about 3 seconds, and then asked in a very innocent tone, “Which one of these did you need??” I have used this twice and only received a warning. The first time i really didn’t know which one he wanted but it worked so well that i thought i would use it again.

  • http://popthycollar.blogspot.com pop thy collar

    I once got called to appear in court for parking in a bus lane in the UK.

    I wrote some mitigating circumstances to the court, saying that I had to park in the bus lane at that point because I was dropping off an advisor to the President of Sierra Leone, (in my beat up Ford).

    They believed me. No warning. No fine. No points. Didn't have to pay any court costs either.

    And the story was 100% true.