Phone Books!
December 7th, 2009 - Uncategorized - 6 Comments »NOTE: I’m putting the poll from Friday at the bottom of this post incase you haven’t had a chance to vote.
The other day someone suggested that I look something up in the phone book. Like, actually go get the phonebook out of the cabinet and spend no less than seven minutes flipping through its reams of pages for a number that is too small to even read. As you might have guessed, I thought it was a joke.
I’m not sure what is being discussed behind closed doors at the Yellow Pages headquarters, but somehow they’ve decided it is in everyone’s best interest to keep pumping out phone books to every (Internet-friendly!) home in America. Though I don’t understand their reasoning, I’m thankful that they’re sticking with it. I’ve managed to find some other really great uses for phone books.
Last Minute Gift
If you forget to get a gift for someone, all you have to do is follow these four simple steps. 1) Wrap up a phone book. 2) Give it to the person. 3) When he/she acts confused and disappointed, just say it’s a joke and that the real gift is on the way. 4) Never get that person a real gift.
Free Booster Seat
Who has $30 to spend on booster seats these days? For the Stantons, a Yellow Pages and a half is the perfect height (the other half, obviously, serves as the backrest).
Song Inspiration
Like Coldplay, you could use the phone book as inspiration for one of the greatest songs of all time.
Kindling
Haven’t enough trees been killed already? I say ditch the firewood and use wadded up phone book pages instead. Sure, the fire will only last about thirteen seconds before you need to put on another page, but just think about how warm all of that ripping and wadding will make you.
Display of Strength
Now, I’m not suggesting you go around trying to prove how strong you are by attempting to rip phone books. No, I’m suggesting that you carry one around with you, find someone with 60″ biceps wearing a skin tight Under Armor shirt, and prove to him he’s not as strong as he thinks he is. Sure, you got punched, but wasn’t it worth it?
Discipline
You’re sick. You thought I was going to suggest beating someone with a phone book, didn’t you? Quite the contrary. I think a great punishment would be putting a tiny black dot next to one of the entries, closing the book, and making them listen to “Single Ladies” until they find it.
Any other great ideas for phone books?
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I used a phone book in my first car because I could not see over the steering wheel…a little vertically challenged back then when the seats did not automatically adjust! I am good now, thanks!
More uses-
-Filling up a really huge box that you have placed a tiny gift in (more ripping and wadding first obviously)
-Ripping up and spreading across someone's yard (a good alternative to toiled papering)
-Drunk dialing sources
-Weight lifting (put a couple of those on some barbells)
-Making empty closets look full (over the years, you can amass some a serious space-taking collection)
-Steps for a slinky
-Doggy chew-toys (granted, the mess is not fun to clean up, but if you wanna see a happy pup…)
-Throwing off tall buildings (insert liability disclaimer here)
Anyone remember the Power Team that used to come visit churches? They used to rip them in half…and then promise to do the same to you if you don't come to Christ. Lots of conversions.
On another note, as a potentially "could go either way" idea, you and your spouse could get out some scissors and stick glue and make some funny ransom notes by cutting out words from the ads.
decided to go with the exclamation mark in the intro huh? alright.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Tyler Stanton and Tyler Stanton, hollyfrew. hollyfrew said: A good morning laugh RT @tylerstanton you missed it yesterday, phone books are making a comeback! http://bit.ly/6oE18b [...]
coupons: in the back of the charlotte phone book are free guacomole apps at our favorite mexican restaurant, Cantina, and free pizzas at Brixx. can't beat free anything. my friend may or may not have ripped those pages out of all the phone books in the teachers' lounge.
as for the booster seat, my mom upholstered those babies…i don't even think i realized i was sitting on the yellow pages until i was old enough to know what a phone book was. some vintage cloth, needle and thread can make you a phone book cover that could become one of anthropologie's best sellers.