NOTE: I’m putting the poll from Friday at the bottom of this post incase you haven’t had a chance to vote.

The other day someone suggested that I look something up in the phone book. Like, actually go get the phonebook out of the cabinet and spend no less than seven minutes flipping through its reams of pages for a number that is too small to even read. As you might have guessed, I thought it was a joke.

I’m not sure what is being discussed behind closed doors at the Yellow Pages headquarters, but somehow they’ve decided it is in everyone’s best interest to keep pumping out phone books to every (Internet-friendly!) home in America. Though I don’t understand their reasoning, I’m thankful that they’re sticking with it. I’ve managed to find some other really great uses for phone books.

Last Minute Gift
If you forget to get a gift for someone, all you have to do is follow these four simple steps. 1) Wrap up a phone book. 2) Give it to the person. 3) When he/she acts confused and disappointed, just say it’s a joke and that the real gift is on the way. 4) Never get that person a real gift.

Free Booster Seat
Who has $30 to spend on booster seats these days? For the Stantons, a Yellow Pages and a half is the perfect height (the other half, obviously, serves as the backrest).

Song Inspiration
Like Coldplay, you could use the phone book as inspiration for one of the greatest songs of all time.

Kindling
Haven’t enough trees been killed already? I say ditch the firewood and use wadded up phone book pages instead. Sure, the fire will only last about thirteen seconds before you need to put on another page, but just think about how warm all of that ripping and wadding will make you.

Display of Strength
Now, I’m not suggesting you go around trying to prove how strong you are by attempting to rip phone books. No, I’m suggesting that you carry one around with you, find someone with 60″ biceps wearing a skin tight Under Armor shirt, and prove to him he’s not as strong as he thinks he is. Sure, you got punched, but wasn’t it worth it?

Discipline
You’re sick. You thought I was going to suggest beating someone with a phone book, didn’t you? Quite the contrary. I think a great punishment would be putting a tiny black dot next to one of the entries, closing the book, and making them listen to “Single Ladies” until they find it.

Any other great ideas for phone books?
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