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Pet Peeves XI: Football

December 30th, 2009 - A Million Peeves - 13 Comments »

Being sick the past couple days has resulted in me watching an absurd amount of football. I think taking in such a concentrated amount in such a short amount of time has greatly intensified my disgust for certain aspects of the sport. See if you agree…

50. Bowl Names
I think I’d rather have a 3-7 season than go to one of the following (real) bowls:  Advocare V100 Independence Bowl, R + L Carriers New Orleans Bowl, Papajohns.com Bowl, or the Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl. Where is this going? “Hey, did you see The Nagano Hibachi Steakhouse and Sushi Bar First Half?” “No, my car battery died. I barely made it back for the Smoothie King Field Goal at the end of The You-Can-Do-It-We-Can-Help-Home-Depot Overtime.”

51. Post-tackle Body Spasm
This typically occurs directly after a defensive player sacks the quarterback. He gets up from the ground as fast as he can, sprints about seven feet away, and unleashes a body spasm so embarrassing that people send condolences to his family. Either that or he beats the crap out of his own chest to remind everyone that he was responsible for what just happened, or he nods his head so aggressively you’d think someone just asked him if he thinks highly of himself.

52. No Yellow Line
The yellow first down line is the single greatest innovation in sports history. Why would a network purposefully choose to not use it? Is it money? If it’s a money issue, let me offer a suggestion. We’d rather you black out the entire second quarter of the game to play freecreditreport.com commercials if it means we get the yellow line the rest of the game. Never compromise on this again.

53. Halftime Interview
Come on, Networks. I get what you’re trying to do here, but is this really necessary? I don’t think a single profound word has ever been spoken in one of these interviews. I think the coaches do it on purpose so they’ll eventually stop having to do them.

Reporter: Coach, tell us… What are your thoughts on the first half?
Coach: (annoyed) Well, we need to do a little better offensively…and, um, defensively.
Reporter: Fascinating. Back to you guys in the booth.
Booth Commentator 1: He tells it like it is, doesn’t he?
Booth Commentator 2: Straight shooter!

Thoughts? What do you hate, if anything, about fútbol americano? Nate Rector and Bryan Allain – I expect you two to have a lot to say about this.
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  • Jared

    Story time with the commentators in the booth! Why can't you just stick with calling the game? I don't care if #83 got an A on a test last week and pushed his gpa to 3.0, or if #2 likes to write poetry when not on the grid iron. I think I know more about Tim Tebow from just watching ESPN commercials than I do most of my friends. Whoever invents an option to turn off the commentators and just listen to the game will make a lot of money. You can do it in video games so why not in real life.

  • jaypea

    there are a few halftime coach interviews that have provided some priceless, albeit rather strange comments. for instance…

    les miles (before he became lsu's coach):

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9mKMJVxrk0

    let 'er rip…what???

  • Bryan

    I think 89% of my annoyance comes from commentators, but what especially gets me is when a commentator is SO SURE about a play being/not being overturned by the replay officials.

    Commentator 1: There you can clearly see the player drags his foot after his gains possession. This one will definitely be overturned…
    Commentator 2: But his foot's on the line…
    Commentator 1: Unless there is something the refs see that I don't see…
    Commentator 2: No really, I see what you're not seeing. Foot on line…

    Play Upheld

    Commentator 1: Wow, I am shocked. I think most of America is shocked too…
    Commentator 2: Not shocked. He doesn't even have the ball…
    Commentator 1: I mean, why have instant replay if we're not gonna use it?…

  • http://inhershoes7.blogspot.com Sarah Beth

    I hate football politics and bad strategy. Like, for example, when a 14-0 team decides they just don't want to win anymore, thus destroying not only a chance to make history in a way that the Patriots never could, but also destroying the momentum and mental edge heading into the playoffs, not to mention the morale of the players and fans. Makes no sense to anyone but the two men in charge. (It might be a while before I'm over this one).

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/evdaddy evdaddy

    I think they should interview random fans at halftime. That could be entertaining.

    The most ridiculous rule is the unsportsmanlike celebration rule after TDs. "Look Mr Running Back, I know you just broke 15 tackles (4 from your own team) and scored on a 99 yard screen pass, and I also know that was your first TD of your college career. Yes, it also was the game winner with no time left on the clock, but please do not raise your hands in celebration. That will make the other team feel bad."

  • http://bryanallain.com bryan a

    agree with sarah beth…the Colts will regret that decision.

    what annoys me about football…

    + when the QB is about to call hike for a big play and then calls a timeout. such a letdown.

    + not letting guys dance like buffoons in the end zone. these guys kill their bodies for this game, let them show genuine emotion when they succeed. (and yeah, let them prep ahead of time and use props…who cares?)

    + the concussions. this topic has gotten a lot of pub lately, and rightfully so. my 7-yr old son wants to play next year and i honestly might not let him.

    + not enough snow. i love football games in the snow. who doesn't? 10 years from now we'll have the technology to create our own local weather, and teams will pay big bucks to generate snow storms over their stadiums when they feel it will be an advantage. write it down, baby.

  • camismith

    Agreed. 100%.

    You need to watch this Bear Bryant interview at a halftime. It is HILARIOUS. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vp6N__pA8Jc
    I would venture to say he didn't care for halftime interviews either….

  • Zac

    Well I am sure Sarah Beth will not like this comment, but the number one pet peeve I have about football is Peyton Manning before he calls hut. I mean it is absolutely ridiculous. Luckily I don't have to see him play often. p.s. I hope the Colts don't win again this season.

    Other main pet peeve is when you can clearly see your linebacker being help play after play (i.e. James Harrison), but nothing is ever called. Then on the ensuing drive, your team scores a touchdown that is called back for… you guessed it, holding.

    • http://inhershoes7.blogspot.com Sarah Beth

      Aww, Zac – we could have been good friends!

  • Zac

    *being "held" not help

  • Nolan

    What about the running play right up the middle…never gaining more than 2 yards…yet it gets run at least 28 times per game.

    Out of the hundreds of plays on the big sheet that the coach has in his hands, how is it that the 1 yarder up the middle gets picked every other play. Really…that one??

  • Leigh

    Sliding quarterbacks. Take the hit McWimperstein!

  • nate

    sorry for the delay in my comment…i have no excuse.

    i absolutely cannot stand watching games with people who like to display their expertise in the subject of football by yelling at the coach of their favorite (probably due to colors) team for running the ball up the middle. "Why do you insist on running the ball up the middle when you only get 3 yards you moron!? I swear, football coaches are so stupid. Running the ball, psshhh, what a waste."

    Well congratulations Lombardi, you've struck football gold with this one. Now leave my house.