1. Favorite SNL Digital Short – Shy Ronnie

2. Favorite Photo – courtesy of Awkward Family Photos

3. Favorite Idea – Improv Everywhere’s Guerrilla Handbell Strikeforce (also this)

4. Favorite Website – That Looks Like…
(Clips of the early acting roles of Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Jason Alexander, Scarlet Johannson, and around 100 more)

5. Favorite Glee Homage – Mark Salling
(Warning: Only die-hard Glee fans will appreciate this)

6. Favorite New TV Show – Sing Off

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I’m not sure why I’m doing this. I have absolutely nothing to gain, and a lot of dignity to lose. Yet, in the name of humor, I’m going to give you the opportunity of a lifetime – an opportunity to thoroughly embarrass me and my family with no repercussions whatsoever.

YOU get to decide which license plate I put on the front of my new ’98 Honda for an entire month. Any plate.* Front of my car. One month. I’ll take submissions all day today, and then give you a chance to vote on your favorite submission.

So, all you have to do is A) scour the Internet for an amazing license plate, and B) submit your entry in the comments section (type out what it says and include a link**). Then, we’ll vote, I’ll buy it, and my life will almost certainly get worse.

Need inspiration? Here are two gems I found in 0.8 seconds of looking.

*Two rules: 1. It can’t be inappropriate, 2. It can’t be religious
**Just putting a link will most likely send it to the spam folder, so make sure you also type out what it says.

Bring it.
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The doctor’s office waiting room is arguably the most miserable room on the face of the planet. More miserable than a room that loops Nickelback’s Photograph indefinitely. More miserable than a room where you have to listen to two people argue theology. Even more miserable than a room where you are forced to converse with Bill Belichick for fifteen minutes.

I think the experience could be enhanced, though, if we were all on the same page. That is why I’m proposing this list of 7 Waiting Room Commandments be posted on the front door of every doctor’s office in America:

1. Thou shalt round down when recording what time you got there, in order to get a leg up on your “competition”.

2. Thou shalt not offend the receptionist by actually speaking to her. She has way more important things to do…like avoid talking to you.

3. Thou shalt not make eye contact with others, especially if you’re at the OBGYN with you’re wife and you see a high school girl that babysits your kids.

4. Thou shalt choose your chair wisely. Arbitrarily switching seats mid-stay is more awkward than that guy sitting across from you with the face nipple.

5. Thou shalt suck it up and read WebMD and Type II Diabetes pamphlets until that jerk surrenders the room’s only Us Weekly. Oh, and if he tries to take it back into the room, thou shalt take any measure to prevent that from happening.

6. Thou shalt not talk to anyone. Tis better to appear rude than get in a discussion about the reason you’re there (Note: If the silent treatment fails, detailing your bowel problems is the quickest way to terminate any conversation).

7. Thou shalt pay your co-pay with confidence, even though you’re not entirely sure what a co-pay is.

8. Thou shalt not laugh at the suckers who are still in the waiting room as you’re leaving. Sure, you outsmarted them by rounding down the time you got there, but you will eventually be found out. Believe me.

Any commandments I missed? Let me know in the comments.

I’ve also taken a similar approach to enhance our experiences at the dentist, at public pools, on the phone, and at the beach.
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Mom: (flipping through channels) It is so hot outside. Ooo– I love this show.

Friend’s Mom: Me too! The Sugarbakers remind me so much of me and my sisters.

Kids: All finished with lunch Mom. We’re ready to go back to the pool!

Mom: What? Already? (side glancing at Designing Women on the television) Y’all are going to need to, um, wait about… thirty minutes.

Kids: Aw, Mom! Why?

Mom: (still side glancing at television) Um… medical reasons. Something having to do with digestion.

Kids: That doesn’t sound ri–

Mom: It is right, OK smarty pants? I read somewhere that food causes… (Trails off and snickers at something Dixie Carter just said to Delta Burke)

Kids: Fine!

Kids run back into the kitchen.

Mom: (looking at Friend’s Mom) What?

Friend’s Mom: I’m… speechless.

Mom: (pause) You’re right. That was a little outlandish. I probably shouldn’t have lied–

Friend’s Mom: That was the most brilliant thing I’ve ever witnessed. I can’t wait to tell all the other moms! Digestion…Ha!
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1. Favorite Video – Tetris God (also this via Bryan Allain)

2. Favorite Book – Born to Run by Christopher McDougall

3. Favorite iPhone App – Words with Friends (my username is wtstanto)

4. Favorite Site – sketchysantas.com

5. Favorite Talent – Little Jason Mraz

6. Favorite Commercial – Jack in the Box (nothing is funnier than a bowl cut)

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