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Friend: Can I confide in you about something?

Me: (Nod)

My Thoughts: These chips really need some salt. Surely he won’t- I’m going for it.

Friend: I think I might be getting laid off.

Me: (Eyebrow raise)

My Thoughts: Wow. These are the best chips. I know my chips, and these are the best.

Friend: My boss just looked right at me and said that. Can you believe it? Right in the middle of a staff meeting.

Me: What? Um…no.

My Thoughts: Is that community cheese dip? He ordered it, but it’s sitting right in the middle of the table. I don’t know…

Friend: As if that wasn’t bad enough, he told me he wanted me in his office “first thing tomorrow morning”.

My Thoughts: I bet if I just make it look like I’m going for the salsa and do a quick wrist snap…

Friend: So I don’t know what to do. Beth is going to freak out.

My Thoughts: Success! He didn’t even- Man, that queso is good!

Friend: Why are you smiling?

Me: What? I’m not…it’s nothing.

Friend: So anyway, I’m not really sure what to do now.

Me: (Shoulder shrug; looking around feverishly)

My Thoughts: Do they not see that I need a refill?

Friend: I could plead my case, or…I could just start looking for new jobs.

My Thoughts: How am I supposed to keep pounding this salsa without water?

Friend: What do you think I should do?

Me: (Cough) Um, yeah…totally.

Friend: (Penetrating stare)

My Thoughts: I hope he’s not expecting to split the cheese dip. I mean, I only dipped once. I wonder if I could just…nudge it…a little…over to his side…

Friend: We’re splitting that cheese dip, you know. Oh, and you’re a horrible friend.

Me: Huh?
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