22

I Already Know a Lot About You…

February 10th, 2010 - I Already Know a Lot About You - 22 Comments »

…if I know how far you ran this morning.

…if you rooted against the Saints in the Super Bowl.

…if you’ve ever used “it’s five o’clock somewhere” as a legitimate excuse to crack one open.

…if you own and wear an authentic NBA jersey.

…if your favorite song is by Big & Rich.

…if your Starbucks order requires you to repeat it multiple times.

…if you’ve left me no room to doubt how you feel about Obama.

…if you own a Droid.

…if you have these hanging from your car’s trailer hitch.

…if you still refuse to be on Twitter.

…if you’re jingling the change in the pocket of your pleated khakis right now.

…if you already own the iPad.

…if there’s nothing else you’d rather be doing right now than playing a card game.

…if you can’t wait to see this.

…if you’ve peeled out on purpose in the last 48 hours.

What else? Your comments on these are incredible.
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This is the fourth post in what is by far my most judgmental series. Click here to read the first three, but more importantly, make sure to read the comments. As usual, they’re much better than the original posts.

  • http://www.bkfamilyblog.com Ben

    OMG that's ME!!!!11one

  • jason

    If u have an iPhone but have to make fun of Droid…

    • Zac

      This!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/LaceyKeigley LaceyKeigley

    … if you dress your children in coordinating hues of denim.
    … if you ignore all texts and phone calls during the viewing of Lost.
    … if you refer to your parents by their given names.

  • Ben

    …if you watch American Idol
    …if you say you didn’t vote last year
    …if you like Nicholas Sparks books

  • Nolan

    …if you refuse to shop at Wal-Mart.
    …if you think that women's basketball is better than men's because its more fundamental.
    …if you say the NBA is just a one-on-one league.
    …if you refer to CNN as Communist News Network.
    …if you have a countdown to college football season and you're not in college.
    …if you drink soy milk and you're not lactose intolerant.
    …if your pets have clothes.

  • http://emergingbracken.blogspot.com Guillaume

    So you've got the silly balls in the USA as well? In South Africa, its mostly (S African) rugby supporters who have the Blue Bulls as their team who sport these balls at the back of the cars.

  • Bryan

    …if P90x is the extent of your workout
    …if its a "bi's and tri's" day for you at the gym
    …if you've laughed at Carrot Top's prop humor
    …if you're trying to get me to join your pyramid scheme

  • nate

    well, I rooted against the Saints, because the media made me feel like if I cheered for the Colts than I was also cheering for natural disasters everywhere and I didn't appreciate that.

    just to be clear, I do not like life-ruining hurricanes, but i do like Peyton Manning. So you can shove it, Tyler Stanton.

  • http://inhershoes7.blogspot.com Sarah Beth

    What if you rooted against the Saints because you really are a Colts fan? And what if you're still in mourning? And what if it makes you feel a little bit guilty that you like seeing that picture of Drew Brees kissing his baby?

    Complicates things, doesn't it?

  • http://cjsmiller.blogspot.com chris miller

    …if I know your opinion on every topic before I know my own
    …if you listen to Christmas music in July
    …if you intentionally name your kids so that the combination of their first and last names spells a word
    …if every year you go running with the bulls…in Chicago
    …if your quest for spiritual enlightenment leads you to Denny's
    …if you chose myspace over facebook in the last year

  • http://www.pjs-til-noon.com jennybek

    If you interrupt me just to yammer on.
    If I know how many diapers you changed today and I'm not related to you at all.
    If you try to make me feel bad for being Team Peyton.
    If you use Team (whatever) to describe a position.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Kevin_Keigley Kevin_Keigley

    …if you sell cocaine
    …if you sell marijuana
    (I would know that you are a drug dealer)

  • jepeay

    …if you use Jesus' first miracle as an excuse to drink alcohol.
    …if at a restaurant, you and your girlfriend sit next to each other in a 2-person booth.
    …if you sit in the middle of your boyfriend's pick-up truck.
    …if the pipes on your pick-up truck are louder than the music playing in my car.

  • Tim

    …if your response to "How are You?" is always "Busy!"
    …if you are leary of Facebook and Twitter because you feel people won't be able to interact with each other.
    …if you comment on another blog by saying "I also wrote a post about this" and then link to it.
    …if you have an "In Memory of" window decal on your car.

  • Leigh

    . . . if you think you look like the celebrity in FB profile picture.
    . . . if you make fun of country music.
    . . . if you know John Mayer's favorite color.

  • Kyle

    … if your fiance/wife has to shave your neck once a week.
    … if you like the clevland cavs or lakers and you're from the south (same goes for patriots and yankees).
    … if you talk to me as if I actually know what to do under the hood of a car.

  • adamkeyes

    …if you own multiple sleeveless shirts
    …if you actually purchased your sleeveless shirts
    …if you actually made the sleeveless shirts yourself
    …if your sleeveless shirts have their own unique pair of matching shorts (extra long, of course)
    …if one of your sleeveless shirt/shorts combos is a shimmering jet black, with red trim

  • rebeccamillwood

    …if everyone in your family has the same first letter of their name
    …if you sport a confederate flag anywhere on your vehicle and tell me it's just about "the tradition"
    …if the family portrait sticker on the back of your car is of one woman and 10 cats

  • amberwiley

    …if you are over the age of 8 and refer to your mom as mommy
    …if your voice suddenly transforms to a high soft pitch when you pray out loud
    …if you put your bra color as your status on FB to support breast cancer awareness

  • http://jacobs3rs.blogspot.com Jacob

    You must add "If you know when your favorite baseball team loads up the trucks to go to spring training" to this list for @bryanallain

  • KAS

    So, I'm new here, and it might be a bit late for this, but I'm inspired after reading:

    …if "hella" is the most used word in your spoken vocabulary.
    …if you actually say, "OMG."
    …if you iron your jeans.
    …if you sprinkle French or frenchified words throughout your conversations (i.e. "OMG, these shoes – tres cute."
    …if you're somebody's mom and you own a pair of pants with "JUICY" written across the backside.

    I'm loving your blog. Thanks for the laughs!