27

Lost Their Luster

February 16th, 2010 - Uncategorized - 27 Comments »

It can be really embarrassing to look back and remember all the things in our past that we spent so much time and energy obsessing over. Here are just a few of my ridiculous past loves that, over time, have lost their luster.

Mustangs
I can tell you every single person who had a Mustang in high school. You know why? The car they drove single-handedly catapulted them into first-tier popularity. They were untouchable. Conversations about their awesomeness usually went something like this:

Neil: You hear what Will got?
Me: No. What?
Neil: (whispering) A Mustang….GT.
Me: Are you serious?! You think he’ll be the best man in my wedding?
Neil: You’re not even dating anyone.
Me: Doesn’t matter. I need this.

Gum
I spent 95% of the money I made in my grass cutting career on baseball cards. The other 5%? Gum. I would consume more Big League Chew, Bubble Tape, Gator Gum, and Tear Jerkers in one day than most professional baseball players do in their career. Now I’m able to see them for what they truly are – pieces of rubber with a deceiving 12-second initial flavor blast.

Spencers Gifts
Trips to the mall weren’t complete until I was able to sneak away and peruse this store’s wide variety of items I shouldn’t know exist. Now, the only time I step foot in there is when I’m looking to spice up a white elephant gift exchange.

Jim Carrey
I still like Jim Carrey. I just wouldn’t have a bronze statue of him talking out of his butt cheeks on my mantle now like I would have at any point between 1994 and 2001. He used to be the most imitated funny man on the planet. Now he’s just a guy I can tolerate watching once every three years.

This is just the beginning of my list. I’m certain there are hundreds more.

Your turn. What, to you, has lost its luster?
___

  • http://www.SoEveryDay.com Lacey

    AOL – I remember bringing home our first-ever computer – this huge monstrosity of a machine that cost more than $2,ooo – and spending hours searching bizarre-o chat rooms for like-minded losers like myself.

    Stickers – My disposable income as a kid went soley to support the career of a mysterious lady named Lisa Frank.

  • http://morethanuseless.com Tom

    Pogs. Definitely pogs.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/evdaddy evdaddy

    "Neil." Can you please come up with another fake person for your conversations?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/tylerstanton Tyler Stanton

      Ev – I have a confession to make, Neil is my only real friend. Plus, this is all part of my master plan to write a book called "Tuesdays with Neil"…kind of a humorous version of "Tuesdays with Morrie" (due out in 0-12)

  • http://www.jimmycalhoun.com Jimmy

    American Idol
    All things Disney Boy Band
    CD's

  • http://www.jasonyarborough.con Jason Yarborough

    Cargo Pants and Carpenter Jeans. Did anyone ever find a use for all that extra pockets?

    • http://morethanuseless.com Tom

      Yeah man. My wallet and extra tater tots.

  • http://jaredtaft.wordpress.com Jared

    for me: retainer wearing. i hear it's never a good idea to stop wearing your retainer, even if it's on a once-a-week schedule. but now i've seen the effects of my negligence. so i just tell people i'm going for the Eddie Murphy look.

  • Shawn York

    Chuck-E-Cheese. Both the character, and location.

  • Robin

    Britney Spears. Although I'm not sure she ever had any real "luster." I think it was just an overexuberance for glitter.

  • http://bryanallain.com bryan a

    oh the poster section at Spencer gifts. Responsible for more adrenaline and testosterone production than the NBA and NFL combined.

    and speaking of gum, my favorite were those little milk jugs that had the gum pebbles in them. came in orange and grape. remember them? best gum ever.

  • http://shawnsmucker.blogspot.com shawn smucker

    Confession – I had a Mustang in high school. I guarantee you my coolness factor was way overrated. Fortunately by the time my true nerdiness quotient was revealed I was out of high school and owned something more appropriate – an ancient Honda.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/soulsquirts JeffJonz

    Definitely Mustangs! Between the ages of 16 and 30, I owned three, each with increasing levels of coolness: 1978 Mustange Coupe (uncool), used 1983 Mustang GT with T-tops (cool), brand new 1990 Mustang GT (very cool).

    Now, I own a Ford Escape with a baby seat (coolest yet)!

  • Wes

    Unbelievable.

    In reverse order (of descending ridiculosity):

    1. Jim Carrey
    It was quite enough that you were/probably still are one of the worst Jim Carrey impersonators of all time, but to encourage two young, impressionable brothers, who by the way made much more believable impressions (particularly Kyle) to join along is quite another. Perhaps a video capture of your Fire Marshall Bill impression would make for a hilarious upcoming post. Just make sure you give me a heads up so I don't log on that day.

    2. Spencer's Gift
    This detour always made me feel a significant level of discomfort. Oh no, there's Mrs. Sprinkle. Did she catch me checking out those elephant trunk briefs. Yes. Now's she's staring at me. Your next door neighbor thinks I'm going to purchase novelty underwear. She probably thinks I'm wearing novelty underwear right now. Okay, I'm going to Champs. Thanks a lot Tyler.

    3. Gum/Baseball Cards/Air Jordan's
    Speaking of Champs, the 7.5% of my portion of our considerable grass mowing income not spent on baseball cards was earmarked for the $129.99 purchase of a new pair of Air Jordan's a few times a year. Never mind the fact that the colors/design did not mesh with a single article of clothing that I owned or the minor detail that not one time was I ever number 23. I was wearing the new Air Jordan's. Money well spent. (As an aside: One particularly excellent combination of one red and one blue Tear Jerker may still accounts for the greatest 8.5 second period of my life, which I have never been able to duplicate. As such, I cannot support your over-trivialization of these small rubber masterpieces.)

    4. Mustangs
    Not ridiculous at all. If I ever get married, Jason Long is still my first choice for best man, provided that his gray '89 Mustang GT is still drivable.

    *Bonus* Jock Jams
    Not mentioned, but this is the soundtrack for the movie based on Mr. Tyler Stanton's high school years. Track 16 = YMCA – The Village People. Track 17 = Pump up the Jam – Technotronic. I believe my work here is done.

    Tyler, my apologies for the length, but some of this is clearly warranted.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/tylerstanton Tyler Stanton

      Not many comments have made me cry from laughter AND embarrassment, but somehow you managed. I guess the fact that you experienced all of these with me gave you a slight advantage.

      • Wes

        Next time, don't give me so much to work with.

  • nate

    getting to 2nd base. This used to be where all my extra energy was focused, until I was 25 and got married. Then it became all about home plate. I couldn't care less about 2nd base anymore. 2nd base is for suckers.

  • http://gregdarley.com @gregdarley

    hmmm. I guess I can somewhat relate.

    Jim Carey- do you still have the cardboard cut out? Classic
    I think Korey may still drive his mustang
    I know you mention gum, but I think it should be candy from a connivence store and maybe mountain park slushies.

    Thank you Wes for adding Jock Jams!

    • http://gregdarley.com @gregdarley

      Wow, Rehearsal Dinner Video 40 seconds in, thanks for that!

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/Wes_Ballance Wes_Ballance

      What about Bomb Pops? Didn't you used to go to other people's baseball games just so you could get a Bomb Pop at the concession stand?

      Actually, I think that was me. : )….. = New Emoticon- Guy drooling at the mere thought of Bomb Pops.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Kevin_Keigley Kevin_Keigley

    Crutches.
    For all of my live-long days, I wanted to have crutches.
    Until I jacked my ankle.
    And then I hated the constant under arm smell my crutches had.
    So yeah. Under arms. I hate under arm smell.
    Wait. What was the question?

  • Bryan

    Reebok Pumps- Reebok was freaking genius for making 8-year-olds think that by pumping the tongue of their shoe, they would be awesome.

    Jansport Bookbags- No other way to carry books

    Nerf- It's Nerf or Nothin'. I'll probably take Nothin' now

  • Justin

    The mall arcade. Moms used to pay this babysitter .25 per minute (+/- depending on the game) so they could try on pumps in peace and quiet. Pretty sure mall arcades are history now . . . and malls will soon follow.

  • http://davidvosburg.com/me/change-the-squishy-middle David

    The Internet.

    I know it sounds ridiculous, but I'm bored of it as it is – let's push the margins a bit. Can you imagine if we'd invented say… writing, and never gotten beyond chinking messages into rocks?

    http://davidvosburg.com/me/change-the-squishy-mid…

  • http://andnowforthevows.com Thigpen

    Garbage Pail Kids. Disgustin' Justin, Armpit Britt, Flat Tyler…those were the days.

  • Jeremy

    Speaking of gum, do you remember "Tongue Splashers" that came in the paint can and turned your tongue awesome colors? It didnt keep flavor for longer than 2 minutes, but man i felt cool having a yellow tongue!

  • http://studebakerautomotiveconsultants.com Chuck

    Showing my age but: Wacky Packages. The precursor to Garbage Pail Kids. And comic books. Not "graphic novels" but real comic books. And the huge ones they put out that were the size of a small desk!