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Letting the Cat Out of the Bag

February 18th, 2010 - Uncategorized - 11 Comments »

[Sam Davidson, a friend of mine from college (and author of New Day Revolution: How to Save the World in 24 Hours), is doing a book review/giveaway of my book Everyday Absurdities over at his site today. Click here to check it out.]
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After dismantling some cliches over at Bryan Allain’s blog last Thursday, I kind of got addicted. All week I’ve been taking note of some of our everyday expressions that need to go, or at the very least, be beaten with a pitching wedge. Here are 5 more:

“Be there or be square”
I’m 99.7% certain this has no legitimate origin. I think it was one of those situations where you accidentally keep a sentence going after what should have been a period (a la Paul Rudd in I Love You, Man)

Neil: You coming to my New Year’s party tonight?
Karen: I think so. It sound like it’s going to be fun.
Neil: Oh, don’t you worry about fun. Just be there…or be…
Karen: Or be what?
Neil: Hmm?
Karen: Or be what?
Neil: Be there…or be…square.
Karen: I just remembered I have this, um, other New Year’s party tonight.
Neil: Smart choice.

“Dropping like flies”
Where is this mythical place where flies not only drop, but are dropping so much that an expression was created in honor of this phenomenon? Call me a skeptic, but I don’t think such a place exists. How about “escaping like flies” or “annoying like flies” or “landing on feces and then on my french fries like flies”? Those seem more appropriate.

“Let the cat out of the bag”
I get this. The act of letting a cat out of a bag is a horrible thing. Bags are where cats belong. Not only that, but opening said bag will almost certainly result in your face being slashed off by a cat who’s madder than PETA after reading my last sentence. Please, for the love of Peter, don’t ever let cats out of bags.

“Waiting with baited breath”
I think my friend Derek is perpetually waiting with baited breath. Wait– we are talking about breath that smells like bait, right? Well, to be accurate, his is more a mixture of bait and a band-aid with a scab stuck to it.

“Born with a silver spoon in his mouth”
Wait a minute– nope. Never mind. It wasn’t a silver spoon. It was a pair of forceps. He just latched onto them so quickly. Everything was happening so fast. You were screaming, your husband was over there eating a bowl of Raisin Bran, so you can see how we just assumed– Again, our mistake. You, um, want us to take those forceps back? He really seems to be enjoying them.

Any cliches that you think need to die?
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  • David

    thanks to you i'm stuck wondering what a band-aid with a scab stuck to it would smell like – and wishing i could finish my coffee.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/evdaddy evdaddy

    Neil again?

    • http://bryanallain.com bryan a

      everett, he uses neil just to get a rise out of you. don't you understand that when you comment on it, he wins again.

      he wins again.

      he wins again.

      he wins.

      again.

      • http://intensedebate.com/people/evdaddy evdaddy

        oh, this is one of those little-brother-annoying-big-brother things.

  • http://www.ilovemrpibb.blogspot.com Greta

    Has "I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse" been mentioned? Unfortunately, that comment usually just opens the door to all kinds of ridiculous attempts to one-up it. i.e. – "i'm so thirsty, i could drink an ocean" (obvious irony), "i'm so cold, i could stop global warming", etc.

    also, the forceps? latching onto the forceps? hahaha. tyler, that provided me with way too graphic of an image. thanks.

  • kyle

    Im goin to say "i love that like a fat kid loves cake." I mean that seems a little harsh. I caught myself saying that in front of a fat kid eating a piece of chocolate cake and i just hoped that he was oblivious to the fact that he was indeed fat. Maybe we should love on those kids and encourage the fat kids to lose weight. Like, "I love that like a mother love their husky kids …" Well maybe just stay away from the fat kids at all times.

  • Joel Purser

    Silver spoons have anti-bacterial properties so rich people would feed their children with said spoons and leave them in their mouths for periods of time to fight off infections. Also, square is the opposite of cool, "hip" or "with it". I don't like the expressions but thats where they came from at least.

  • http://shawnsmucker.blogspot.com shawn smucker

    "like white on rice" . . . this statement forever elevates white rice and shows extreme bias against wild rice, brown rice, aromatic red rice, US black japonica rice and egg-fried rice. Why not start including other types of rice in the saying? I'm all over you: like brown on rice . . . like egg on rice . . . like the little white dot in the middle of US Arborio rice . . .

    • http://bryanallain.com bryan a

      mmmm….egg on rice. like i always say, "the more egg in my fried rice, the better".

  • jeff

    "hands down" example: "I like Barney and Friends better than the Biggest Loser hands down." What??

  • http://www.EvanForester.com Evan

    "open a can of worms" this just always gives me a terrible visual.
    Also, I am getting of people saying something is legit. Mostly because someone else always says, "too legit to quit" right after. I know it was revitalized in Hot Rod, but MC Hammer does not need more than one popular cliche.