Dirtiest Places on the Planet
February 24th, 2010 - Uncategorized - 25 Comments »The title of this post may have conjured up thoughts of landfills or septic tanks, but I’m here to set the record straight. The real dirtiest places on the planet are where you’d least expect them.
My Jean Thighs
I don’t think I’ve used a napkin since sometime back in the late 80s. Why would I? I mean, I’m already wearing two huge denim napkins everywhere I go. Convenient? Yes. But the fact that I won’t even sit down now due to the overpowering stench of my jeans is a bit of an inconvenience.
Under My Driver’s Seat
There might as well be tube connecting the inside of my nose to the underside of my driver’s seat. When I don’t have the time or energy for the pick-and-roll window fling (which is about 88% of the time), the only remaining option is stick him down there with the rest of his family and friends. Reuniting them makes me feel so warm inside.
My College Dorm Toilet Rim
Last time I checked, nothing that comes out of my body has ever been neon orange. How, then, did this glowing ring form around the toilet rim? We never tried washing it because it became a science experiment of sorts. We were simply waiting to see what mind-boggling color was next in line. Magenta? Midnight blue?
My Mouth in the Morning
We currently don’t have next-door neighbors on either side. We were told that one was a foreclosure and the other was a whole-house drug raid, but I’m not so sure. I have a sneaking suspicion that my morning breath penetrated the walls of their home and forced them into the streets.
Behind My Childhood Couch
If I’ve done my math correctly, during the 13 years I lived in that house, I threw enough fingernails between the couch and the wall to fill sixteen Hefty bags. I’ve yet to find a spot like that where I currently reside, but when I do, my house will finally be a home.
Now that I’ve made you throw up in your mouth, it’s your turn. What, in your opinion, is the dirtiest place on the planet?
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Maybe it's time to rethink that visit to you in March.
Well, if we do come, at least I'll know the locations to avoid.
this was actually laugh out loud funny!
i, too, share your "under driver's seat family reunion" method!
Right now, the inside of my mouth is the dirtiest place…due to the overwhelming amount of vomit that I'm having to now force back down.
I'm a parent of four and we have a high chair that is mostly plastic but has a thin, removable cover where the kids sit. This is the same high chair our oldest sat in about 6 years ago, and the other three have all used it since then. We have never removed the plastic cover, but sometimes it curls back a little and I get a glimpse behind it – reminds me of the newsreels I've seen of 3rd world country landfills, or how the quarter-inch of floor space between our fridge and the neighboring counter will look in five years.
When I was growing up, I threw every bit of trash behind our kitchen stove. I remember thinking how awesome I was for not having to use the trash can.
I almost crapped myself the day my folks got a new stove. I remember my dad pulled the stove from the wall and said, "What in the world is this?"
I moved out the next day.
I once had to go to the bathroom in Moscow. Really had to go. I had heard they were nasty, but nothing could prepare me for the site I saw. There was no seat, and I guess this spurred people on to not sit down while they relieved themselves. Nothing was off limits. Not the floor, the walls, probably not even the ceiling. That's all the detail I am going to go into. I took to the streets of Moscow in search of a better situation. Fortunately I found a BP that worked out a lot better.
My shower throughout high school was pretty bad too. Mold/mildew was built up so bad on the curtain that after hot showers it would fall off and clog up the drain.
Wow! That's all I can say.
There's no way I'm answering this with you guys poised to come visit…
i am slightly embarrassed.
you better believe our house will never feel like 'home', i refuse to let you find a place to discard of your fingernails other than the trashcan. i run a tight ship.
yeah, boone used to try it with his toe nails, only they would land on our closet floor. ooooooh grose…he heads to the back deck or front porch and hopefully always will. i have other battles i fight on a daily basis, like smeared peaches all over the bathroom sink and OLD apple cores in my 10 year old's room. missed you guys last night, it wasn't the same.
My son's room, granted he is only 2. but i'm sure he is not the only living thing in there
I think the crack between the refridgerator and our counter is the dirtiest place I know. There's no way to clean it and I wipe everything that's ever been on our counter into that crack. I'd rather walk into our dark basement at night than stick my hand down there.
My brother was the king of wiping his boogers on things. When we had to take out the middle seats out of our mini van, there was a colony on the side of the seat he always sat in. A few years later when my sister went to college and he got her room, we moved his bed and found three years worth of dried nastiness on his wall.
my hands. i wash them once a day, and that's only by accident because i assume the get washed when i hold the lufa. this also means that i usually don't wash my hands on saturdays at all. I am the reason Howie Mandel will only fist bump.
You know – I remember this odd, slightly disturbing, mostly disgusting fact about you.
And the worst part of it all?
Your pride in your lack of cleanliness.
yeah, well, you smell like a foot.
it's not often that comments bring me to tears of laughter, nate. thank you for this.
The church from my childhood.
Ewww. Are you trying to repel all of your female readers? Cuz. Gross. As a mom of boys, I get it, but I still don't understand you boys and your fascination with yuck. Better get used to it, though. I'm outnumbered in my house.
HA! The medicine cabinet where I stored my yearlong collection of toenails. First off I collected them just to see what a years worth of toenails looked like and two it totally drove my wife nuts. Second off, toenails stink. BAD.
You were kicked out at age 13? well done.
–the small town gas station bathrooms while driving on the interstate
–old pay phone handles
–the wal mart carts in stone mountain
–the gunk build up on the plastic spherical ball on the old "Centipede" arcade game
–six flags
Never thought about pay phone handes before – yuck!
My college apartment fridge. There were eggs in the "egg-thingie" in the door of the fridge. They had been there so long, the bottoms were melded with the crate thingie. NASTY!
[...] Spit into a cup on the nightstand. That cup now tops the list of dirtiest places on planet. It has since been [...]