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Phrases That Mean Nothing

March 23rd, 2010 - Uncategorized - 28 Comments »

I’m compiling a list of phrases that I hear or read on a day-to-day basis that have absolutely no meaning. Sure, they may sound legit, but further review exposes how preposterous they really are. Here are a few to get the conversation started.

World Class
As in, “Neil Calfman is a world class chef.” This tells me nothing about Mr. Calfman, his cooking ability, or how he fares against chefs of other classifications.

5x Smoother Hair
I found this on my Suave shampoo bottle this morning. Who is verifying this? Mine feels twice, maybe three times as smooth, but 5x?!

30 days same as cash
Mentioned at the end of every car commercial ever made, yet still commits the fallacy of equating periods of time with currency.

Nation’s first 4G network
Hold on now, Sprint. We still don’t know what 3G is. You’re going to need to take it back a notch.

No Trans Fat
I know you think you understand this since Dr. Oz explained it on Oprah last year, but you don’t. It means nothing.

This is just the beginning. There are dozens – no, make that millions – more. What phrases have you seen lately that mean nothing?

  • http://heretolead.com Michael

    I'm just sayin'

  • http://bryanallain.com bryan a

    "New and Improved" – impossible.
    "You got a second?" – even if i did, you just used it.
    "Our most dramatic rose ceremony ever" – at this pace, The Bachelor will commit suicide by cutting his wrist with a rose thorn as he quotes Shakespeare by next season.
    "Other Posts you may enjoy" – Stop pretending like you know me.
    "This call may be recorded for training purposes" – There is nothing I care less about in my entire life.

    • nate

      these are funny…well done mr. a

  • http://www.adaupdates.blogspot.com Scott

    I'm still not sure what actually has Trans Fat in it. I've seen "No Trans Fat" written on everything from a Krisy Kreme box to a bag of Doritos. So if doughnuts or potato chips don't have Trans Fat, what in the world does?

    Also, I'd like to note that if bacon contains Trans Fat, I don't care. Bacon gets a pass. On everything.

    • Dr. Oz

      Trans fat is unsaturated fat that has been "modified". What makes fat molecules "saturated" or "unsaturated" has to do with its bond to hydrogen. So know that Trans fat was at one point unsaturated fat that has now had hydrogen added to it. This is used by the food industry because it gives products a longer shelf life. However, since man made trans fats are not essential in anyway. So eating it makes you fat. So fat in fact that the FDA will eventually outlaw the use of Trans fat in food when they stop taking money from PACs.

  • Christopher VanDyke

    "Best kept secret"

  • Pete Wit

    anything that is "official". Really, who gave you that kind of authority?

  • sarah

    Make no mistake

  • Brad

    I know, right?

  • bRaD

    My bad — "bad" is not a noun as it is intended here, but an adjective. This makes no sense. If you made a mistake, say "My mistake" instead of making another one by using this phrase.

  • sarah

    At the end of the day
    When all is said and done
    Chalk it up
    And you can take that to the bank
    Happens to be
    It is what it is
    At any rate
    That's the thing
    It takes all kinds
    Just another day

    (I cheated via google.)

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/dustyken dustyken

    "Hungry as a pickle." Right? I mean come on! How often does that get over used? If I had a dime every… …What? You've never heard that one before?… Uh…yeah. Me neither. I was just … uh,… you know … SQUIRREL!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/evdaddy evdaddy

    "the essential guide to …" If it was essential, then I wouldn't have been able to survive this long. I have a book called "The Essential Bible" in which they have selected 100 passages that are essential. Not too sure how God feels about that.

  • http://shawnsmucker.blogspot.com shawn smucker

    how about all the two-word security phrases you have to type in the computer these days, i guess to confirm you are a real human working at a real computer? some of my recent ones have been thyroid/mother, beer/confection, thanadain/eyre, and tubular/sassafrass. nothing makes less sense than this.

  • amy

    bless her heart

  • Kunte Kente

    -McDonald's used to display the phrase "Let's Keep Litter in it's Place", after which Steve Martin eloquently stated "Thank you…now I don't have to pick it up"
    -that stuff called Zero Water (huh?)

  • http://hownowmusicmag.weebly.com Laura Chambers

    "Write this down" Are you gonna come back in ten years and expect me to produce a crumpled post-it bearing your words of wisdom?

    "Honest to goodness" Who walks around with a sticker on their shirt reading "HELLO MY NAME IS Goodness"? If somebody did, a Bud Abbott type might enjoy conning them.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Matt_TCoNP Matt_TCoNP

    I hate it that "Diet Dr Pepper tastes more like regular Dr Pepper?" Tastes more like it than what? Mountain Dew? If that is the case, then of course it does! Does it taste more like Dr Pepper than even Dr Pepper does? If so, then which is the true Dr Pepper? I just drink Mr Pibb and avoid that whole hornet's nest.

  • jepeay

    "HOLD the phone!" Okay. And then what?
    "Time and time again…" Nuh uh! My Hot Wheel is better than yours to infinite plus infinite!
    "Good goin'!" This phrase is commonly used after a hefty kid just gets done running the 2-mile in gym class. I'm not sure if it bothers me because of it's grammatical confusion or because of it's lack of sincerity.
    "Take your time." Okay. And then what?
    "Patience is a virtue." Yes, well, so is chastity. How come this one gets all the attention?
    "It blew me away." Welcome back.

  • Chris R

    "so good it makes me wanna smack your momma" –seriously, something is so good that it makes you want to hit my mother?

  • nate

    i could tell you, but i'd have to kill you….

    yeah, you could tell me, but no, you wouldn't have to kill me. you couldn't even kill me if you really did have to. you don't have the stones, buddy.
    not to mention, i'm not sure when this joke was funny, but its definitely not funny anymore

  • King

    any scandal ending with the word "-gate". Just because the Watergate Hotel was the site of a famous investigation doesn't mean that everything involving some sort of controversy should be given the suffix gate. I heard someone today talking about "Textbook Gate" because some students stole textbooks. I can only imagine what would happen if someone stole an actual gate from a neighbors garden.. gate-gate?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/tylerstanton Tyler Stanton

      Midway through this comment I planned on responding with a \”gate-gate\” comment, bit your genius mind beat me to it. Well done sir.

      ………………..

      tyler stanton

      • http://ryanguard.net ryan guard

        Eat your heart out?

  • king..again

    oh. this also could go under the pet peeves post. I just cannot express how stupid that term really is.

  • http://ryanguard.net ryan guard

    "Knock yourself out."

    Seriously?

    "Break a leg."

    You're a jerk.

    "Drop kick a puppy."

    Now you've just gone too far.

  • sarah

    first things first

  • Observer Girl

    state-of the-art