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8 Worst Things About Baseball Season

April 6th, 2010 - Uncategorized - 15 Comments »

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I love baseball as much as the next guy. Heck, 85% of my glory days stories have to do with the sport (speaking of, remind me to tell you about the time I did this incredible thing with a fungo bat and a catcher’s mitt). There are, however, a few things that taint the sport for me. And since yesterday was opening day, I think now would be an appropriate time to share them.

Sportscenter’s Top Plays Being Littered with Deep Grounders to Short
I’d like to submit the following criteria to Sportscenter for a baseball highlight to make it into Top Plays:

1. Come-from-behind, game-winning home run
2. 600-foot home run
3. Diving catch with entire body parallel to ground for 2 seconds
4. Under no circumstance can any of the aforementioned be #1
5. No dancing mascots

The Time Commitment
If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to make me feel guilty for watching a lot of TV shows, I’d have to build a vault-esque room to hold them all, a la Uncle Scrooge in Duck Tales. Yet, for some reason, a die-hard baseball fan who commits 3-4 hours to each game is lauded as a hero (OK, maybe not a hero, per se, but injustice of this magnitude calls for hyperbole).

The Beer Comedian
I’m sure you’re really funny, man. But no one is funny enough to get my mind off of the $9 I just spent for this warm, “ice cold” Bud Light.

The Wave Starter
I’ve written about this guy before, but he had to make this list. Click here to read about him.

Fantasy Leagues
Now that I think about it, I don’t really have anything against fantasy leagues. I just have something against…(cue sad music)…not being invited into one. Please, Dan. I promise I’ll make trades this year.

My Sick Desperation to Inform People I’m Friends with Jeff Francoeur
See what I did there?

Not Hustling to First
I’m not trying to be The Hustle Advocacy Guy, but for $15,000 per at-bat, not only would I sprint to first, but I’d sprint to the parking lot and wax my coaches car if it was asked of me.

Yankees/Red Sox Rivalry
Guess who doesn’t care about this rivalry? People who don’t live in the Northeast, that’s who. We’ve got more important and intense rivalries down here in the South, like the Braves and…let’s see…who else is in our division?…googling it real quick…scrolling…theeee…Mets! Yeah, the Braves/METS rivalry rules down here in the South.

Anything I missed?
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Post sponsored by Atlanta Personal Injury Attorney, Robert N. Susko

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Kevin_Keigley Kevin Keigley

    I love the fact that you used the word "hyperbole" in your post today.
    Kudos.

  • Lee

    (I think you mean parallel, not perpendicular.)

    Otherwise, I would add:

    I am not a fan of Mr. "Sitting in more expensive seats than you but not paying attention to the game because I'm on my Blackberry."

    I also hate the unbelievably enticing food that is always stale, even at the beginning of the season. Those nachos are never a good idea, but am I buying them? Of course I am.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/tylerstanton Tyler Stanton

      I'm an idiot. Thanks for reminding me.

  • http://shawnsmucker.com shawn smucker

    while i completely agree with the yanks/sox rivalry comment, i am afraid there might be fallout from this . . . namely, the end of what has been a good comedic partnership between Tyler Stanton and Bryan Allain. RIP

  • http://bryanallain.com bryan a

    a – i love deep throws from the hole to get someone out at first. curse you for hating them.
    b – sick desperation my arse. i knew you for almost a year before you dropped jeff's name on my last week. sick desparation is what i would have done. change my middle name to Bryan IknowJeffFrancouer Allain.
    c – I feel the same way about SEC/ACC Football that you feel about the AL East.

    and now if you'll excuse me i need to go check my fantasy teams

  • http://healingimpact.com Marvin

    It is better than watching bowling

  • Bryan

    Don't friends usually communicate more often than once every 3 years?

    And once you go to Fenway, you'll be a Red Sox fan forever.

    PS- You think I can be friends with Jason Heyward now?

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/tylerstanton Tyler Stanton

      i get it. you're better friends with him than me.

  • http://www.samdavidson.net Sam Davidson

    I, too love baseball, but I cannot stand behind your boycott of long throws from short. As a former high school shortstop (that's right – I went there), I always admired guys who didn't have to bounce it twice to get it to first from all the way back there.

    And for me, I hate actually going to games. I will watch any and every one on TV, though.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/tylerstanton Tyler Stanton

      Maybe I was a little hard on the shortstops. Because of my playing days (that's right – I, too, went there), I'm partial to the outfield assist.

  • Lollie

    Now that you bring it up…Dan, why didn't I get invited to the fantasy league this year?!?

  • Kunte Kente

    -162 games is too long. 3 or 4 games a week would be better. I used to be a somewhat faithful watcher of the Braves until I worked there everyday for 2 years.
    -The lack of any authority for the coaches who challenge a call, and the guarantee that Bobby Cox will get thrown out no matter what
    -The inability of the Royals or Expos to get anywhere. As soon as they notice a rising star athlete they trade him.
    -The lack of any decent restaurants near Turner Field.
    -The usher who won't let you move to a better seat when there are 2 outs in the bottom of the 9th.

  • Kyle

    The yankees… I hate them more than any team in any sport. That type of team should not be allowed in any sport. But I do love to see them lose.

    Also, the trash talker that sits behind me every game is either a hit or miss. But when he is a miss, dear God, he is a huge miss.

    Finally, I think I respect baseball more than most people. But not the Red Sox/Yankees rivalry. I hope they come in 4th and 5th in the AL east.

  • Jared

    What would Ozzie Smith think of your bashing of the best position in baseball? I'll go there as well! I was a great short stop in COLLEGE! Even though it was the smallest Juco college in the state in the smallest city in the state playing on a field that was meant for cows, and being moved to second base because of a better short stop who was an irritating Red Sox fan . I ate up ground balls behind second all day long! Until I had to return them to the pitching coach.

  • Lauren

    when I was little I loved watching baseball…so my first game playing softball.. I slid into first thinking I looked awesome