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Hate List

May 6th, 2010 - Uncategorized - 39 Comments »

There are certain things that move beyond the level of Pet Peeve and occupy a special place of hatred in my heart. Here’s the first batch.

1. Banana Runts – One of my favorite pastimes is throwing these out my window onto a highway. My dream is that someday one will take a nasty bounce and crack the windshield of Wonka’s CEO who is driving behind me…you know, to send him a message.

2. Tik Tok by Keisha – This is the first song that actually makes me want to punch my radio.

3. The Big Raindrop – You know, the one that’s hanging there on the flap of the awning, just waiting for you to walk under so it can drip directly on your bare neck and slide down your back? That’s the one.

4. Backtracking – One of the worst feelings in life is pulling back into my driveway after I’ve already left to get something I’ve forgotten. It shaves three years off my life each time.

5. The Mac Pinwheel of Death – (PC users – think hourglass)

6. Coconut Candy Bars – If I made gift baskets for my enemies, I’d fill them with Mounds, Almond Joys, and Zero Bars (and, of course, banana Runts)

7. Pennies – I’ve mentioned my distaste for these in the past, but it wouldn’t truly be a Hate List without them.

8. PT Cruisers

9. Paper Statements – I currently have a stack of at least 1500 paper statements (bank, gas/electricity, investments, cell phone, insurance, etc) un-filed in my office. Every time I see that stack, I die a little inside.

10. Bar Soap – Ever since my conversion to the liquid soap/loofa combo back in 2001, I would rather not even shower than resort to using bar soap.

It’s OK to hate these things, right? What do you hate?

Oh, and head on over to Shawn Smucker’s site if you get a second. He interviewed me about life, comedy, and other really, really important things.
___

Post sponsored by Atlanta Personal Injury Attorney, Robert N. Susko

  • John A

    Could I be your enemy so you could send me all of your banana runts?

  • http://mom2chelnjustin.blogspot.com Allison

    Banana Runts are my son's favorite… YUCK!!! I'm so glad I'm not alone in this world when it comes to hating those!

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/skotmxpx Scott

    I can respect (read: agree with) most of the items on this list. But bar soap really?!? I went through the liquid/loofa phase for a couple years. There's nothing manly about a loofa, even if its camo-colored. Think shower @ the gym time. Walking around with a loofa? No thank you.

  • http://bryanallain.com bryan a

    I will use Ivory bar soap until the day i die. cleaning yourself with anything else is not technically cleaning yourself. you are just smearing perfumes and oils on your body.

  • http://breakingthrough.tumblr.com @JeremyKeegan

    I HATE backtracking!! I can't tell you how many times I have chosen to go without something vital, instead of turning around and taking an extra 10 minutes to get it.

    However, there was one epic time when I had no choice but to backtrack. I had a deal where I was going to paint this guy's condo over a long weekend, and get paid for it, but my wife and I also were allowed to stay in the condo (on the lake) and use his jetski in the evenings. Well, it was a 2 1/2 hour drive to get there. About 2 hours into the trip, I realized that I forgot the key to the condo at my house. !!??#?#?!!! I sat there for a good 10 minutes weighing my options (break in and just replace what I damage – after all I had my tools with me; called him to see if he had a spare one hidden – nope). I had no choice but to drive an extra 4 HOURS that day to go home and run into my house for 10 seconds, grab the key and start driving all over again. If ever there was an epic fail for backtracking, this might be it. I hated that day so much.

    Something else I hate is people who don't know how to use turn lanes, so instead they just brake in front of you, in your lane and slow you down, instead of just moving over out of the way.

  • Joel Purser

    Edit: Vegans who say they CAN'T eat something that has animal products in it. That makes me want to punch babies.

    • Debi

      I’ve heard other people get upset at this, but I don’t get why? I agree we all have free choice, and can not “technically” be forced to do/not do anything, but it’s a moral obligation. It’s like someone saying they “can’t worship another god”. “Can’t” “Won’t”, whatever word you use it means the same, getting hung up on terminology doesn’t make sense to me, its just semantics. Morally they cannot justify crossing that boundary.

  • http://www.theepicmovement.com Chris

    Fedoras.
    I always try them on and can never pull the trigger to buy one. Until I see someone wearing one and realize that I was $20 and milliseconds away from looking like a tool. I would then be ‘that guy’.

  • David

    Tourists:
    i know what you're thinking and yes – I've hated myself at one point for being one.

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/cvillecc Rodney

    First off…I am beginning to think that I cannot continue to read this. #1. Banana Runts? Who doesn't like those? I owuld buy them by the bag full if they sold them that way. My wife and I get in real arguemtns over banana runts. I began to recover until you dogged on bar soap. Have you ever done price comparisons? Liquid doesn't have a leg to stand on…literally and figuratively. I and beginning to rethink my readership.

  • http://www.logankstewart.blogspot.com logankstewart

    Wow. A perfect list. Banana Runts are the absolute worst. They're like a completely different candy than the rest of the Runts, and I happily spit them out the window at every opportunity. Coconut candybars are indeed reserved only for enemies. Backtracking is something I vehemently refuse to do, even if I've only pulled out of the drive a minute ago. It's so wasteful and inefficient, and I don't like it!

    Great list, once again.

    I posted my list of pet peeves back in February on my blog, which includes things like The Sound of Music and people that don't use their turn signals.

  • http://www.logankstewart.blogspot.com logankstewart

    Wow. A perfect list. Banana Runts are the absolute worst. They're like a completely different candy than the rest of the Runts, and I happily spit them out the window at every opportunity. Coconut candybars are indeed reserved only for enemies. Backtracking is something I vehemently refuse to do, even if I've only pulled out of the drive a minute ago. It's so wasteful and inefficient, and I don't like it!

    Great list, once again.

    I posted my list of pet peeves back in February on my blog, which includes things like The Sound of Music and people that don't use their turn signals.

  • …adam

    i shower with shampoo long before a bar of soap.

    Although I do miss the waterfall commercials from irish soap.

  • Bryan

    I'm not sure what shocks me more: the fact that you still buy Runts or the fact that they are still made. By the way, you can't tell me that Nickelback has never made you want to punch the radio.

    My hatred is for left turns. With right turns, you're in control. Left turns put you at the mercy of others. I generally choose my driving route based on the left turn/right turn ratio.

  • http://ladeedalife.com Joanna K

    Tyler,
    I agree with you on the banana runts….they are of the devil.
    I love mounds and my mom drives a PT cruiser and it’s not that bad.

    Here are my two pet peeves.
    1. When people pronounce H’s like Y’s. As in Human (Yuman) or huge (yuge). Ugh it makes me want to vomit.
    2. When you ask someone if they’ve seen something on TV and they say they don’t watch TV like they are better than you. It’s fin if they just missed it, but don’t judge.

  • Jenn

    Bar soap? I can't believe that made it on the hate list. We're exclusive bar soap users–dermatologist recommended (really, that's all my derm recommended–Dove, that is). Have you tried the loofa/car soap combo? Maybe that will sway you. And the fact that we spend at least $100 less than you a year.

    My pet peeve: channel surfing. If I'm going to watch an (unrecorded) show, I want the full experiene. TV-watching is supposed to be relaxing. When a certain someone is in charge of the remote this is what happens…Biggest Loser-Braves-American Idol-Braves-ESPN-Braves-and back to Biggest Loser in a matter of 5 minutes during commercial break. How stressful…

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/TheDailyWalk TheDailyWalk

    Going along with your paper statements.
    - Checks – With our church now allowing electronic tithing I have all but eliminated the use of checks.
    - Stamps

  • http://830eyes.wordpress.com Katie

    Any banana flavored candy should be on the list. Bananas are good, but it's definitely not a flavor that anyone has been able to master into candy.

    As for the paper statements, I feel like you're purposely trying to hold onto this hate, because I can't think of a single statement or bill I get in the mail anymore. All it takes is checking a box to get them sent to your inbox instead. I think you should simplify your life and let this one go…

  • Joel Purser

    That guy with the really stupid hair who draws on the white board for the UPS commercials. Ive hate that guy ever since the first on but then I found out he owns the advertising company who does the commercials and my hatred rose to levels reserved for child molesters. Also, Vegans.

  • http://mysunkcosts.blogspot.com erin

    i also like the banana runts! but agree 100% that coconut is awful. mounds= chocolate sunscreen.

    and i'd like to add raisins, opening a can of biscuits, and those french fry butts from chick-fil-a

  • David

    Tourists:
    i know what you're thinking and yes – I've hated myself at one point for being one.

  • KAS

    I totally concur about Tik Tok. What an annoying mess of a song! Kind of a sad reminder of the declining state of popular music, too.

    The Big Raindrop is also one of my archenemies.

  • http://robshep.com Rob

    I hate the fact that some people put toilet paper on the roll the wrong way. I hate mayo…it's gag nasty. I hate the fact that fried food is bad for me. I hate that the students in my ministry grew up on Pokemon. I blame that show for so many problems.

  • http://robshep.com Rob

    I hate the fact that some people put toilet paper on the roll the wrong way. I hate mayo…it's gag nasty. I hate the fact that fried food is bad for me. I hate that the students in my ministry grew up on Pokemon. I blame that show for so many problems.

  • http://www.andreainkc.blogspot.com Andrea

    You are the first person that understands my hatred of PT Cruisers. I"m not sure why…but they just seem to have a condescending personality.

  • Bryan

    I'm not sure what shocks me more: the fact that you still buy Runts or the fact that they are still made. By the way, you can't tell me that Nickelback has never made you want to punch the radio.

    My hatred is for left turns. With right turns, you're in control. Left turns put you at the mercy of others. I generally choose my driving route based on the left turn/right turn ratio.

  • Leigh

    Long toenails, mold smell on clothing/towels, Daris' makeover haircut.

  • Mom

    It's ironic that you wrote this and later that day made me backtrack to your house to give you back your carseats! Loved your interview on Shawn's blog by the way.

  • Jan

    1. Southern gospel music and country music
    2. When people feel the need to tell me that my drinking diet coke is bad for me
    3. Stepping on something wet in my stocking feet
    4. Thinking I'm eating a chocolate chip cookie and it turns out it's a raisin cookie
    5. My next door neighbor's yippy little idiot dog who barks at me when I'm in my own back yard
    6. When people say, "Shame on you!"
    7. Those days of running errands where it seems like all you do is sit at red lights.
    8. Caraway seeds, mustard, raw onions, and olives
    9. Being startled
    10. Going to the dentist

  • Jan

    1. Southern gospel music and country music
    2. When people feel the need to tell me that my drinking diet coke is bad for me
    3. Stepping on something wet in my stocking feet
    4. Thinking I'm eating a chocolate chip cookie and it turns out it's a raisin cookie
    5. My next door neighbor's yippy little idiot dog who barks at me when I'm in my own back yard
    6. When people say, "Shame on you!"
    7. Those days of running errands where it seems like all you do is sit at red lights.
    8. Caraway seeds, mustard, raw onions, and olives
    9. Being startled
    10. Going to the dentist

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/shawnsmucker shawnsmucker

    i absolutely detest those people that are constantly emailing and tweeting, trying to get me to fill out some stupid form, or answer, say, a list of 10 questions. so annoying.

  • http://www.alifeaboutme.com Andrea

    Banana runts are the best. I always throw out the yellow and green ones. My hates?

    1. The smell of money – no it doesn't smell good. It smells like palm sweat.
    2. Smacking, slurping, crunching or any other mouth sound. I can't stand it. I don't want to see your food while you eat it. I really don't want to hear it either.
    3. Sand or grit (or bread crumbs) in my bed. My husband loves it. I cannot stand it. I don't want to sleep and exfoliate at the same time.
    4. Not flossing. Yep. I'm a flosser. Brushing is never enough for me.

  • Michele Arnold

    1. Inefficient use of a four-way stop intersection.
    2. Bathroom stall doors without a hook for my purse/coat.
    3. Church marquees that quote meaningless sentimentalities.
    4. Little yippy dogs, and the people who love them.
    5. Indoor venues with temperatures <70 degrees.
    6. Clothing made only for women less than 5'4".
    7. Bangs worn so long that they blink with the eyelashes.

  • http://inhershoes7.blogspot.com Sarah Beth

    I read through all of your comments, just to make sure I wasn't person #28 to tell you that Keisha is actually spelled Ke$ha. But, I'm sure you knew this and just wanted to discredit her further…right?

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/gritandglory alece

    oh i am so with you on the banana runts and barred soap. both give me the heebie jeebies.

  • Mary

    *"That" grocery cart…you know the one. Squeeks like there's a mouse trapped under the left front wheel.

    Any facebook status starting with "Dear, <I'm being clever here>"

    Un-linting the dryer…. ugh.

    And most definitely, THE DENTIST. I've had two c-sections and multiple series of stitches, but come at me with that metal "tool," and I end up shaking so bad that the seat-monstrocity I'm sitting in rocks like a hurricane's coming. Slightly embarrassing. Not to mention the consta-drool that happens post-filling. Or the condescending "Why haven't you been flossing three times daily??" Yep. HATRED.

  • Angie

    1. When someone asks me if I've seen a movie that they assume everyone has seen, and they gasp in unbelief when I say, "I've never seen that."
    2. Walking up to double doors, pulling to open one, only to find that it's locked. How hard could it be to unlock both doors and not just one?
    3. When people say "I'm sorry" instead of "excuse me".
    4. Backtracking- yes!
    5. Getting in bed and realizing I've forgotten to take my allergy medicine. Seriously!
    You should really try bar soap with the loofa gloves. The best!

  • Whitney

    There is no coconut in Zero Bars. How do I know this? Because I love Zero Bars and I hate coconut candy bars.

  • Barbara

    I hate it when people breathe loudly! I understand that everyone has to breathe, but could you please try to at least not breathe so loudly that I can't hear myself think?! I also hate the parts of movies when things start to go wrong. I like to fast forward to the happy parts where the protagonist is having a really good time and they play cheesy music in the background. That is the only part of movies that I like to watch. TWILIGHT: This is the saddest excuse for a book/movie series I have ever seen. I don't enjoy watching mutant dogs and sparkly bat people argue over a girl.