Pet Peeves XIV
May 11th, 2010 - A Million Peeves - 23 Comments »You know you have too many peeves when you have to start spending a few seconds deciphering the Roman numerals. To the best of my knowledge, “XIV” means that this is the fourteenth episode. Here are a few more that chip away at my life.
64. The Early Bus*
I’ve never been a waiter, so there’s a good chance I’ll get reamed for this. But I’d like to propose a cute little rhyme that every waiter everywhere must learn. It goes like this: “If they’ve already paid, bus away. If they’re still sitting down, don’t you dare start bussing the freaking table as though they’re an inconvenience to you, you selfish jerk.”
65. Poor-Timed Movie Opinion
Bro, it’s cool if you didn’t like the movie. Just try using some discretion when telling me it wasn’t that good. Here’s a hint: When I have popcorn in hand and see you in the lobby on my way to go sit down – not an appropriate time. Are you trying to stop me from seeing it? Are you trying to get me to appreciate the sophistication of your criticism? What is your end goal here?
66. HGTV Hosts’ Biceps
I can hardly watch home renovation shows anymore. The biceps are too large. And not like a I’m-kind-of-jealous-of-the-way-your-arms-look kind of large. More of a Your-biceps-have-surpassed-your-thighs-and-are-now-competing-with-the-girth-of-your-torso kind of large. I feel like I’m watching aliens build cabinets. Not my idea of entertainment.
67. ‘Rents
I don’t think people who say “I’m hanging out with the ‘rents this weekend” know how this makes them sound. It’s disrespectful, in my opinion. Can we not spare the extra time and energy it takes to put par- at the beginning? After all they’ve done for us?
Feels good to get that off my chest. Anything bothering you?
Click here for more in the Million Peeves series.
*I thought “bussing” tables was “busting” tables. Fortunately, my readers are comfortable enough to let me know how much of an idiot that makes me. Thanks guys!
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haha, i have been a waiter, and while i agree with your theory, i also think that you meant to make a rhyme about BUSSING the table. this is the job of the bus boy, not the bust boy. it would be really awkward if a boy with a bust started removing dishes from my table…
Maybe if it were a guy with a bust, we'd be more distracted by that then the fact that he's bussing early… Maybe.
I’m a fool.
pretty cute how you say 'bust'. unless at your restaurants they actually do come and destroy the table when the meal is over. then, cute and accurate.
Meteorologists.
It bugs me how a local meteorologist pronounces the word when he does weather updates on the radio; he says meat-er-ologist, and then I mentally correct him with meat-ie-er-ologist.
It's the little things. Really.
i was proud to lead the charge, brian. all are welcome on my bandwagon.
all i could think while this page was loading was "please let me be the first person to crack on him for 'busting the table'…please please please let me be the first."
boo to you and your editing! Boooooooooo!
roman numerals are my pet peeve.
Thanks for showing us "rents" a little respect.
As far as bussing tables, I completely understand your point. As a former "bringer" (my word for waiter. waiters don't really "wait." they "bring."), we had to "pre-bus" tables. Basically, the more we could get off the table before the people left, the better. And yes, we had bus boys that we had to tip out to at the end of the night. So, by me reaching over and distracting the customers at my table to clear it away, I got to pay some other guy to let me do his job. Another reason I'm a "former" bringer.
My pet peeve:
That friend that is in a band that is always singing stuff…at random times…like in the middle of conversations. Don't tell me I'm the only one here. You can't expect me to believe I'm the only one that has a friend that, after starting a conversation with me, will suddenly start singing a song he is "working" on. Not the whole song. Just a few lyrics. Kinda like this:
FRIEND: Hey, Dusty! What did you think about Tyler Stanton's book? (plug)
ME: It was pretty good! I really liked the part where….
FRIEND: HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD! SING WITH ME, HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!
ME: ….
FRIEND: So you like it, huh?
ME: Uh….yeah. I was just saying that the part where he was talking about pet….
FRIEND: EIGHTY-SIX FOUR HUNDRED SECONDS IN A DAY / TURN IT ALL AROUND OR THROW IT ALL AWAY!
ME: ….
FRIEND: Oh yeah, the part about pet peeves. That was funny. What was your favorite one?
ME: …you.
Grocery store baggers who ask me "paper or plastic?" and then get visibly irritated when I choose paper.
Hey there Teenager Who Hates His Job And Needs A Haircut – You asked me a question. Don't get offended at my answer or make it seem as if somehow placing grocery items in paper hurts your soul more than placing those same items in plastic.
Where are you shopping? I don't even think paper is an option around here anymore.
How about the word "preggers" or "preggo". My wife is expecting our son any day now. If I only had a dime for the number of times people have commented… "Erica Wow! You're preggers! Congrats!" or "I didn't know you were preggo! That's so awesome" … and then if I only had a hammer to dent each person who said it.
Also… I really had a hard time watching the men's double luge last Olympics. What is the purpose of this? And who thought it was a good idea?
"Hey I know… this will be awesome… how about a Manwich on Ice at 85 mph."
"Brilliant!"
Manwich! Amazing.
And while we're on the subject, can we address the skeleton race? I may have posted about this before, but I think it's the only "sport" where a corpse could medal.
Oh – yes.
The "preggers" comment is unacceptable.
I wouldn't even offer a polite fake laugh when I got that. Just a blank stare.
My #1 has GOT to be people who laugh too boisterously.
Most of the time it's during a commonplace joke or in the middle of a 'run-of-the-mill' story where the person snaps back their head, shoulders shaking, arms convulsing and lets out squeels at least an octave higher than anyone else in the room and then they look around like "ok, did everyone see me?" …unbearable.
HGTV in general
I'll start with the pet peeve. It makes me crazy when the person either sitting next to or behind me at church during worship takes the opportunity to treat it as their American Idol solo. There have seriously been two different times where I almost had to walk out because my friend and I were laughing so hard at the ridiculous voice behind us and could barely keep our composure (might I also add the off rhythm and randomly placed hand clap at the back of my head). It was the most distracting thing ever and there was no way I could focuse on the worship or with connecting with God. So selfish and awful.
As for the bussing…it is actually tacky to leave finished plates, glassware, etc. on a table if the guest is done with them. Of course the better the restaurant, the better they are at clearing things away. Take it as a sign they care about the tidiness of your environment and are trying to enhance your dining experience. Unless of course you are at some low rent establishment, and then they are just trying to get you the hell out. ;)
Good point. But I'm talking more about when the table starts to get wiped down and detailed to where another couple could be seated 6 seconds after we leave.
Question: Would you rather be in front of the American Idol Auditioner at church, or behind the guy treating his wife to an enthusiastic neck rub? For 40 minutes.
I get peeved with the news only covers pretty missing persons. Is it just me or do we only get concerned with really good looking girls go missing? Or do only good looking girls go missing? There have to be some ugly girls missing somewhere.
I felt like I needed to affirm the HGTV-biceps qualm. I mean, seriously, it's totally unacceptable. Many of the hosts and all of the carpenters have biceps that are extraordinarily large, and it's so distracting that I find myself looking away. Honestly, part of me wonders if these people are even hosts/carpenters, or if they're just better-looking stand-ins for the guys that are really doing the work. There's no way that they could possibly have the time to do all of that designing/carpentry and still find 15 hours a day to work out.