I’m out of town today, so my friend (and book editor!) Lacey Keigley is going to be guest posting for me.
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Everyone has a blog these days, right?

I mean, if my grandmother was still living and if she wasn’t afraid of technology and if she didn’t believe that computers were designed by the devil himself to lure weak-minded people to the depths of hell, well – I think she’d have a blog too.

And every blog is a little bit different.
But all those blog writers want the same thing, you know.

Readers.
Commenters.
Some quasi-interaction with the faces that see your stuff across the country or across the world or across the room.

And I don’t always read blogs that are just like mine.

You don’t have to have six kids for me to think you are hilarious.
I don’t need to believe what you believe about God or hair implants or dog racing or body piercings.

But there are a couple of definite ways to be certain that I will not be reading your next blog post, no matter how many times you retweet the link to your 612 followers.

So if you are really concerned about my readership of your blog, you should probably not do any of the following:

Consistently spell loads of words wrong.
I’ll overlook an error in spelling or a typo or two every now and again.
Because I’m forgiving like that.
But come on – every post?
Just use the spellchecker provided right there on your screen.
It’s not as if you have to drag out the old Webster’s any longer.
It’s a feature on your wordpress/blogger/what-have-you site.

Include any reference to your DS or your DD.
Seriously.
It took me far longer than I care to admit to discover what DS or DD meant.
Tyler says only “mom bloggers” use this term.  He’s probably right.
But you can’t deny that those “mommy blogs” are an internet cash cow these days.
And if even one of those moms is reading right now – this will be worth it.
Because now I know DS means darling son – and I think it’s just plain silly.
It makes you sound as if you have a butler named Belvedere answering the door at your place.
Who refers to their child as “darling” all the time anyway?
Just people with butlers is all.

Feature some kind of background music that overrides whatever sounds I am already listening to when I click over to your blog.
I just want to catch a glimpse of what is happening at your house, with your kids or your greyhounds or your body piercings.  You know. Whatever it is.
And suddenly all I hear is a song I didn’t plan on listening to right now.
Alright, I’ll admit.  I might not actually stop viewing your blog forever, because hey – you might be my friend.
But I’m not kidding when I say I will definitely hit mute as quickly as my index finger can reach the fourth button from the right on my keyboard.

Run your ads down both sides of the site.
Maybe I am just being anal here.
That’s possible.
But if your ads overwhelm your content, I’m pretty much done looking.
I’m a lazy blog reader.
And if I have to work hard to read your words?
Well.  I just won’t be doing that.

Only put up a new post about every other month.
I went to your blog because I liked reading about you.  And how your hair implants are making you more popular than ever at the office Christmas parties.
But remember this – I am a lazy blogger.
I’ve already mentioned that once, okay?
I don’t have time to click over to your site only to be greeted by a post dated July of 2009.
You just wasted thirty-four seconds of my morning.
So, listen.
If you plan on only writing about every other month, you can pretty much assume that I will be reading you even less than about every other month.

Check out more of Lacey’s writing at her blog SoEveryday.com.
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Post sponsored by Atlanta Personal Injury Attorney, Robert N. Susko