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Pet Peeves XV

July 28th, 2010 - A Million Peeves - 30 Comments »

68. Expert Poker Player
I’m not bothered by the fact that he is good. I’m bothered by the fact he wants everyone to know how good he is. You know the guy. He’s the one who makes sure you know he can shuffle better than you. He’s the guy who knows that a straight beats a three-of-a-kind. He’s the guy hell-bent on fitting all the poker lingo he knows into table conversation. And he is the main reason I don’t play poker.

69. Answering Machine Fake Out
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fallen for this:

Neil: Hello?
Me: Hey man.
Neil: Hey, what’s up?
Me: Nothing much. Listen man, I got these incredible tickets to the Braves game tonight – box seats! – and I was thinking that since you and I are such great friends, maybe you’d want to–
Neil: Hahaha! Just kidding. Leave a message.
[Beep]
Me: (pause) Um…Gary and I are going to the Braves game tonight. Watch for us on TV.

Word of advice if you’re still doing this: You’re the only one who thinks this is funny. The caller is too busy disliking you to laugh.

70. Too Many Tweets
If you’re currently wondering if I’m talking about you, chances are I am. No one person should occupy 90% of my Twitter feed real estate. Just remember the old Twitter adage: A few tweets a day, the reader will stay. Tweet too much, the reader will begin thinking of ways to morally justify doing irreparable harm to your fingers…and will unfollow you.

71. Early Order Ask
I love me some Chick-fil-A, but they are the earliest order askers in the industry. What would I like? Really? Already? Um, I’d like to get my entire body through the doorway to begin with. Then I’d like to be able to look at the menu without your smiling eyes piercing my soul, politely demanding that I hurry up and order.

What trivial things are bothering you? And, I’d love to hear some more Twitter adages about tweeting too much. I’ll make a post out of the best ones…and give you the greatest prize of all – credit!

For more in this sad series of Peeves, click here.
___

Post sponsored by Atlanta Personal Injury Attorney, Robert N. Susko

  • http://www.thedailywalk.net Adam

    I also cannot stand the answering machine fake out. Drives me crazy…

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/Lindsey_Nobles Lindsey_Nobles

    What is an answering machine? Seriously, i thought they all went away with the fake out.

  • http://bryanallain.com bryan a

    i was JUST talking about #69 last Sunday.

    wait, let me rephrase that.

    I was JUST talking about the fake out last Sunday. About how many of us went through that phase where we thought it was funny. And how it is the worst thing ever.

    Shoot, i just got an idea for a blog post.

    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/eako2107 Edward

      Even more annoying is that people are still using that for their cell voice mail in 2010.

  • David

    I've yet to disagree with a pet peeve of yours.

    you could add to the list – anyone who updates twitter with Foursquare – or whatever the heck that ap is that tells me where you are and what you unlocked. nothing makes me unfollow you faster than a foursquare tweet. which also reminds me how great it feels to unfollow someone.

  • Evan Chasteen

    One of my biggest pet peeves is being in the car or seeing someone in the car beside me with their windshield wipers on as fast as they can go when there has obviously been a break in the rain coming down. Can they not hear the scraping sound of their windshield wiper blades wiping across a dry windshield?

  • Colin Harman

    A haiku:
    So you have Twitter
    Don’t plunder this magic place
    Dang, you retweet this.

  • http://830eyes.wordpress.com Katie

    You have to look at the menu at Chick-fil-A?

  • Geometry Fletch

    The fake out is no longer funny, but the opposite, is. It is where you actually answer the phone yet say "You have reached the voice mail of Tyler Stanton please leave a message, thanks" and then press a random key to get the "beep." If they leave a message…merriment insues. It seems impossible not to laugh while doing this, and could never reach pet peeve status.

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/dajwhite Dan

    Tweet a lot, follow you not.

  • Jeremy

    I have a great alternative to the fake out – tell them to leave a message after the second beep (there's only one) – see how long they wait. My mother in law fell for it every single time. Even FUNNIER than the fake out

  • http://donotexpectcohesion.blogspot.com Rachel

    if you litter your twitter with meaningless chitter, your friends will turn bitter and away they will flitter.

  • dHolloway

    Bicyclists who ride in the car lane. They can not go as fast as a car, they shouldn't be allowed to do this! It drives me crazy!

  • nate

    im old enough now that i really don't mind if you pull out in front of me. i've done it so many times to others that frankly, i deserve it.

    just go as fast as i would like to go. that's all i ask. if you won't atleast drive the speed limit then you're not really in that big of a hurry and what you just did back there that caused my laptop to fly into the dashboard wasn't worth it. jerk.

  • http://www.christianchirp.com normtumlinson

    If you tweet too much or you are a creepy perp we will banish you to http://www.christianchirp.com … (crap, didn’t exactly rhyme)

    • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/colejennette colejennette

      I can't believe this exists….

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/tylerstanton Tyler Stanton

      WHYYYYYY?????? first godtube.com, now this. is there a "safe" facebook alternative too?

  • Amity

    As a formerish Chick-fil-A employee I must say that we just want you to know that we are there for you. It's drilled into our brains to greet you as soon as you walk in. Plus, if you are such a great lover of the CFA goodness, you should already know what you are planning to order. If you are one of those people who don't know what you want I'll be glad to offer you a few suggestions…

  • Kit

    First In The Box Guy/Gal:
    You know the guy/gal who hurries to be the first into an elevator, even when it is full of people, who want to get out, but just cant cause this guy/gal has to be the first into a box that goes up and down. Did I somehow miss getting my race number for this event? My favorite is watching the tension between the getting-outers and the first in the box person. It is like watching a weird jr.high dance.

  • Jody

    Next time you get Braves tickets you should call me. I promise there will be no answering machine fake out.

  • Bryan

    T, I have 5 of your faces on my Twitter page in the last 5 hours. That's more than Seth Myers had the day following his hosting of the ESPYs.

    Here's my "Now-that-I-Twitter-I-can-say-this" adage: Don't be bitter just because you don't Twitter. Take a seat and bust out a tweet.

  • http://mysunkcosts.blogspot.com Erin

    My husband. taking after his dad, likes to ask "so do you know what you're gonna get?" when we're in the car on the way to a restaurant.

  • http://fireandgrace.blogspot.com David

    I hate going to the salad bar behind folks who think it is a salad decorating contest.

    People that make special orders at a fast food joint.

    God is My Co-Pilot tags.

    Twitter

  • http://barbarasthinline.blogspot.com Barbara

    I've never been inside a Chick-fil-A, cause they haven't allowed such establishments into Minnesota yet. But I can imagine how annoying that would be to have someone accost you at the door. I even hate the "greeters" at Walmart, Kmart and Target. Okay, I don't literally hate them, but I hate the concept of having them. It's like a government created job. There is absolutely no reason for the position other than to pay an individual to stand there and pretend to be busy. If I want to be greeted at the door, I'll go to church:)

  • Erin

    peeve – the ppl who end opposing argument statements with "don't you think?", as in, don't you think my stance is the right one? um, no i don't…otherwise i would've said that to begin with and we most likely wouldn't be having this conversation.

  • http://intensedebate.com/profiles/tylertarver Tyler Tarver

    why you tweetin like it's a race? save that crap for myspace.

    retweet tweets about yourself, you will kill your twitter health.

    just talk about where you're at, imma drop you like a gat.

  • Lee

    To be fair to my fellow poker players, knowing the rules of the game (like a straight beating three-of-a-kind) hardly makes you an expert poker player… it just makes you someone who is competent to read the little extra card in the deck that has the rules of poker.

  • http://samdavidson.net Sam Davidson

    Since you hate long throws from deep short, I'll toss this one out: following a batter when he's on the verge of a milestone. You see every grounder and fly out they hit. I really don't care if ARod is on the cusp of 600 or Pujols is close to hitting his 250th off of a right handed pitcher on grass.

  • Nathan W 'Razer1103'

    I cant stand it when people leave the top sheet of the memo pad with writing on it. Come on people! PULL OFF THE SHEET AND USE THE STICKY PART TO PUT IT WHEREVER YOU WANT!!

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