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Avoiding Bad Weather

January 12th, 2011 - Uncategorized - 13 Comments »

This is a guest post from my friend Philly. I’ve introduced him in his previous (hilarious) guest posts, so I won’t waste time doing it again. Philly, whenever you’re ready…
___

Like Tyler, I grew up in Atlanta and, like Tyler, I grew up as a Georgia Tech and Braves fan. This means I was often disappointed as a child/teen. But as is often the case, hard times have made me stronger and wiser.

Being a Braves fan in the nineties taught me a few important lessons:

1. It’s depressing when “my team” loses in the playoffs (over and over again.)
2. My emotional investment and time commitment have no impact on the outcome of athletic events.
3. When “my team” wins the World Series, I get no ring, financial bonus or thanks, just a short lived sense of euphoria that dissolves into a realization that I didn’t actually accomplish anything. This ultimately leads to regret.

Being a Yellow Jackets fan taught me one thing: Cheering for a team that is consistently mediocre is not as fulfilling as advertised.

When I graduated High School I left behind the idea that being loyal to a sports team is a virtue. After four years of college spent unaffiliated I embraced the art of fair-weather-fanhood. I’ve never enjoyed sports more. For those of you die-hard loyalists who are repulsed by this idea, consider the following: My team always wins. Always. Sounds nice doesn’t it?

So if you want jump on the band-wagon, here is quick-start guide to help you on your way:

+ Pick a team. Don’t sweat this, you can always change later. (Picking underdogs is a no-lose proposition. If they do well, awesome. If they preform as predicted, abandon them in the fourth quarter.)

+ Always refer to your current team as “we.”

+ Five minutes on espn.com and wikipedia can tell you all you need to know about “your team.”

+ Don’t make excuses for your recent (even mid-game) decision to embrace a new team. If a friend calls you on this, claim it proudly and point out his/her sadistic stupidity for clinging to a loser.

+ If someone asks you why you like “your team” answer “because I want to.” There is no retort for this.*

+ If, in a moment of weakness, you are tempted to care about “your team,” remember that they don’t know you exist.

Go War Eagle!

*The only other legitimate reason for liking a team is having a kid on that team.

  • http://jamesbrett.wordpress.com jamesbrett

    philly, you make some good arguments, and then follow them up with great practical advice. however, i'm saddened that you didn't even once in your post mention the importance of uniform aesthetics.
    .
    which is why every fair-weather fan in the country should have been cheering for auburn a few nights ago — not that their uniforms are exceedingly pleasing to the eye.
    .
    but oregon's were bad. really bad. like nike-handed-charcoal-and-highlighters-to-5th-graders-and-told-them-to-draw bad. and then decided to put feathers on the shoulders of the finished design… because 5th graders couldn't make the uniforms ugly enough on their own.

    • fireboy48

      That is a magnificent description of Oregon's uniforms!

    • Philly

      That's a good point and I, too, enjoyed your description.

  • http://www.pofgblog.com joerob577

    I hear and understand your arguments for fair-weather-fandom. Still, the die-hard Braves fan in me just threw up a little bit…

  • http://Bradshimomura.wordpress.com Brad

    As a life-long Seattle sports fan, THANKYOU! You have set me free!

  • Brian

    I gave the best 6 years of my life to Georgia Tech and so proud that I finally made it out and actually graduated with some sort of degree that there is no way I cannot cheer on my Yellow Jackets no matter how much pain and grief they bring me. Sometimes I wish I could abandon ship, but alas, that is impossible.

    Go Jackets!

  • http://www.tylertarver.com Tyler Tarver

    I have to stick with the Braves because

    a) I also grew near Atlanta (Buford) and remember that in 5th grade we all got to wear Braves hats to school, during class, during the series, which they won(one), and that bribe was enough to solidify my commitment to them, and any team that beats the Yankees.
    b) I've really only got point a, I just really enjoy organization.

    With any other sport, I love to irritate my unwaivering dedication friends by flip-flopping worse than Spring Break with every thing you said, except I like to add this little number:

    Douche: Why do you like "your team?"
    Me: Because I'm a winner.

  • http://www.lovedandredeemed.blogspot.com nance nickson

    I can relate. As a child we did the obligatory “root for the geographically nearest team.” That and my mom had this vomit-inducing obsession with Pudge Rodriguez’s hiney. As an adult, I realized, I can make my own decisions. So, I did. In ’04. Before playoffs, mind you, but still somewhat of a bandwagon move.

    The Rangers had broken my heart enough. It’s like a girl who sticks with the guy who always breaks up with her right before Valentine’s Day and Christmas so he doesn’t have to buy her a present. Enough. The Rangers had flushed all their talent into the Yankees [albeit Pudge was by way of the Tigers] and I wanted to be a winner. That’s like casting pearls before swine. There are plenty of steroid-pushers to supply them with faux pearls. Quit it, Rangers.

    *Oh, and it almost happened again this year…*Cliff Lee.

  • http://180tampa.com Jerry White

    Great post.
    But I think the name 'Philly' detracts from your win at all costs suggestion. Shouldn't it be something a little more neutral?

    Sincerely,
    Charlotte, Raleigh, Jax, Ana Heim, Louis, Dallas, Houston, Cleve, Minne, Nash, Phoenix, Diego, Francisco, Antonio, Orlando, Angel, Monty, Jose, Edmon, Paul, Glen, and Winni <3

  • nate

    i would add another legitimate reason to like a team:

    gambling

    i loved auburn on monday night, and not because i spent a year there- it is because i made $4,500 of that victory. i freaking love auburn.

  • Darooda

    I'd like to say I'm really sorry your team loses over and over in the playoffs, but I've got three words for you … Kansas City Royals

    Wanna trade places?

    I didn't think so.

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  • Toni

    John-

    Forgive me for asking, but was the "Go War Eagle" part an intentionally ignorant cheer? I've not once heard anyone say the word "Go" before the all-too-familiar "War Eagle". If it was intentional, cheers.

    Be honest.