56

Write My Bio

January 19th, 2011 - Uncategorized - 56 Comments »

Catalyst West is in about 6 weeks. I have to submit a bio in the next couple days to go in the program. Last year, Tripp hijacked my bio and wrote this on my behalf:

Tyler is probably best known as the third-funniest member of trippandtyler.com (behind Tripp and the cameraman). His book, Everyday Absurdities: Insights from the World’s Most Trivial Man, will have you cracking up, provided you laugh at things like 60 Minutes and kitten abuse. He writes daily on his blog, tylerstanton.com, which is really nothing more than his pathetic attempt to take attention away from Tripp. Tyler has a perfectly round head, a receding hairline, and a gargantuan Adam’s Apple, yet somehow he managed to marry a beautiful woman. He also has two sons that, luckily, look like their Mom.
___

This year I want you to write it.

In the comments, write 2-3 sentences you want to see end up in my bio. The more ridiculous the better. Seriously, anything goes. Don’t worry about offending me.

I’ll put my favorites in the program bio for 3500 people to read, as well as in my bio on the Catalyst website. I’ll take a picture of it at the event and make sure you get proper credit here on the blog.

Ready? Go.

  • David

    Tyler is often described as a 'modern day da Vinci', mostly due to his medieval clothing and long white beard. Founder of the only remaining oil pipeline business in Atlanta, GA, he's still mostly known for always having a piece a food on his face after he eats. Three-time lightning strike survivor, professional kite flyer, and proud owl owner, Tyler is still just kind of a boring average guy.

    • Tyler Stanton

      The food on the face line is awesome. So are the others, but that one is my favorite.

  • James

    Tyler Stanton is a cane enthusiast who has amassed a large collection of designer walking canes. Be careful if you are alone with Tyler because he loves to discuss the subtle nuances that makes each cane unique.

  • Jason

    When he’s not wrangling ‘roos in the outback, Tyler often will embark on excursions to chase after his well-known first love: the search for the infamous Sasquatch. A quiet and humble man, Tyler secretly brought sexy back at the request of his friend during said unnamed friend’s research for a new hit for the pop charts. Tyler is also known around the globe for perfecting the technique of speaking in the third person – you’re welcome Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.

  • http://www.rickyanderson.me/ Ricky Anderson

    Tyler Stanton is man of mystery.

    Seriously, no one knows what he does all day, although it is suspected that he watches TV in his underwear and picks his nose for most of the afternoon.

    He frequently stars in hilarious videos, where he goes by his street name of "Cabeza Gigante".

  • joel

    Tyler Stanton dunks like Blake Griffen, if Blake Griffen could jump like your grandma. Some might say that TShizzle lives above the rim. Others might say that The T-Stant couldn't reach the rim standing on a chair. No one really knows. No one really cares enough to figure it out. He's Trivial Tyler Stanton; the man, the myth, the legend.

  • http://www.pofgblog.com joerob577

    Tyler, the self-styled "World's Most Trivial Man," is in fact incredibly deep. When not writing trivial blog posts, or "writing" a book (read: putting some of his blog into print), he enjoys meditating on the mysteries of life and painting still lifes at his local Starbucks while listening to the soothing sounds of Yanni. Tyler is also an avid calligraphy enthusiast, and has transcribed literally tens of ancient documents into Quenya and Sindarin, the elvish languages created by J.R.R. Tolkien. Tyler has a beautiful wife and two wonderful sons. He is currently unemployed.

    • Tyler Stanton

      love the "writing" in parenthesis. so true.

  • http://www.kevinkeigley.com Kevin Keigley

    Tyler Stanton is a man with a face.
    His whole livelong life, he has been alive and moved around.
    The most influential time in his life was when he was deeply moved by a book and when something big happened.
    Tyler is pretty much still living in the USA to this very day.

    • BeckyChilds

      Bahaha–"Tyler Stanton is a man with a face."

    • http://trippcrosby.com Tripp

      That is one of the most brilliant things I've read all year.

    • nate

      tyler, if you don't use "tyler is pretty much still living in the USA to this very day" then i will never read your blog again. that's hilarious

  • chris

    Raised by his uncle 'The Most Interesting Man in the World', Tyler was left at home to answer the phone. His insane ability to perform the perfect phone conversation led to many stints with AT&T and contract offers from Verizon for voice mail prompts. Thankfully, for the sake of Catalyst, and the rest of the known world, we have 'cordero de fuego' the fiery lamb as his uncle calls him.

  • http://www.adaupdates.blogspot.com Scott

    Tyler is a blogger, author, and member of the comedy team trippandtyler.com, but his true passion is saving llamas and horseback riding while wearing leather chaps. Tyler has a wife and two sons who he loves dearly, but not as much as he loves animals. However, Tyler does have an intense fear of goats which he thinks may stem from a bad encounter with a malevolent hypnotist. This hypnotist theory would also explain why he grabs an umbrella and jumps from the tallest piece of furniture in the room a la Marry Poppins anytime someone sneezes. Tyler spends much of his free time diligently working on breaking the Guinness Book of World Record’s record for longest break dancing head spin. His perfectly spherical head makes Tyler a favorite for this category, as long as no one present at the attempt sneezes.

  • http://www.abrahamchronicles.com Dustin

    There is a reason why Mario Lopez once referred to Tyler Stanton as the Steve Buscemi of comedic bloggers. He's lightweight, wrinkled, and uses the "I can tie a knot with a cherry stem" to woo his wife every Valentines Day. His favorite movie is Step Up 2: The Streets, and enjoys drinking warm milk with his pet cat, Ruffles, every night before bed. Also, as you can tell from his picture, he has not had a bowel movement since October 2007.

    • Tyler Stanton

      The ol' "I can tie a knot with a cherry stem" line. Classic Tyler.

      • Tyler Stanton

        Yeah, that's right. 3rd person.

        • yousaidso

          Tyler often refers to himself in 3rd person. And daily misuses "whom" and "whilst".

    • http://breakingthrough.tumblr.com/ Jeremy Keegan

      since 2007 – hilarious!

  • Hayne

    Born into a agricultural community, Tyler Stanton was raised by his aunt and uncle. With a passion for piloting and space, he worked diligently in his studies while aiding his family on their humble little farm. At the age of 19 his dreams came true. Tyler left Tatooien and entered into space after his family was murdered by an assault team of storm troopers.

  • http://davidtrobbins.wordpress.com David T. Robbins

    Tyler Stanton once took a math class that he failed twice. He also knows how to kill a wolverine with a tear drop. Tyler Stanton is just like John Stamos in virtually every way.

    • Tyler Stanton

      If only that were true David.

      • http://davidtrobbins.wordpress.com David T. Robbins

        I believe you could be like John Stamos if you really tried and gave up sweets and beer and got a great endorsement deal with Zumba.

    • http://breakingthrough.tumblr.com Jeremy Keegan

      This is one of my favorite ones!

  • Darooda

    Tyler Stanton is excited to be at Catalyst West, because it gives him a reason to wear pants. The death of his local Starbucks and the acqusition of his Keurig have effectively eliminated pants from his life, and he enjoys the opportunity to revive the "old timey" tradition. His wife and two sons, who apparently lost some cosmic bet, relish the opportunity to air out the house in his absence.

  • http://twitter.com/JIanClark @JIanClark

    Tyler Stanton doesn't always drink….but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis.

  • mrimperial

    Tyler Stanton is the author of Everyday Absurdities: Insights from the World’s Most Trivial Man. He is also a 4-time Grammy award winner for Best Polka Album, and starred in the hit television series Mr. Belvedere. When he is not busy providing for his wife and two sons by busking on the streets of Milwaukee, Tyler practices for his world record-breaking attempt at having the longest attack of hiccups.

    • Tyler Stanton

      Dude-
      Were you near me in Asheville last week? I think I might have had the longest attack of hiccups in the history of mankind.
      I also found the cure.

      • mrimperial

        Wow…that was totally random, honestly. Seriously, I've never stalked your family or counted how many socks you have.

  • Nolan

    Mr. Amy Stanton is a resides suburban Atlanta, GA with his wife and two children. Tyler is the first of 3 brothers, but consistency places last in every other category envolving his siblings. His wit, athleticism and general ability to preform even the most remedial tasks are matched by 83% of American males. He has done well to ride the successes of those whom he surronds himself with. His extensive list of Pet Peeves, which can be found on tylerstanton.com, are all rumored to be inspired by and a result of the influence of his good friend Tripp Crosby….whose blog would be better if he ever actually blogged.

  • http://breakingthrough.tumblr.com Jeremy Keegan

    Who comes to your mind when you say "Hero"? For many people, it's Tyler Stanton. Why? One of the definitions of "hero" from Dictionary.com states that a hero is: "3. the principal male character in a story, play, film, etc."
    Never has there ever been a more principal male character in a story, etc. than Tyler Stanton. What story? The story of his own life, "Tyler Stanton: Look Who's (widow) Peaking." Who has a website with his picture on it, entirely dedicated to himself? He does. Who makes up 46% of the Tripp and Tyler comic duo? He does. Who is the undisputed head of his house (when his wife's not around)? That's right, he is. Who is so popular that he's on YouTube acting like a dog and peeing on newspaper? He is. Who is widely recognized and constantly bothered for autographs while hanging out at local coffee houses? Well, actually, that's Andy Stanley, but Tyler drinks a lot of coffee too!
    Yes, if you ask anyone who Tyler thinks is the most important (read: principal) person in Tyler Stanton's life, they'd definitely say "Tyler." And that, by definition, makes him a hero.

    P.S. – Got nothing but love for you Tyler. Just trying to give you a good one.

    • Tyler Stanton

      Love this. Well done.

  • Tyler Stanton

    If there was a chance in hell I'd ever own a cat, his name would be dog. Dog Tarver Stanton.

  • bryanallain

    Tyler Stanton's body hair is responsible for 27% of all hairpieces/extensions manufactured in the U.S. since 2001. Each week an Atlanta-area shepherd does a house call to shear his back and provide costumes for off-broadway productions of Cats in the southeastern United States. Up until his junior year in college Tyler thought "the missionary position" referred to making love while asking a congregation for funding. When Tyler gets really mad he cries.

    • http://www.dadlife.net kevindeshazo

      I'm crying right now. Literally had to get up from my desk and take a walk after reading this.

  • http://evanforester.com Evan

    Tyler is a female name that means "worker in roof tiles." Last Fall he attempted to change his name to "My-T." Fortunately, it didn't stick. He has achieved inter-county fame for his blog that reviews the use of pinatas in polar bear hunting. He is a competitive runner who consistently loses to his wife and kids, but he can still beat Tripp. You can read his blog at tylerstanton.com, or in your bathroom if you purchase his glorified pamphlet "Everyday Absurdities," which doubles nicely as back-up toilet paper.

  • j4man

    Tyler Stanton's life is defined by his affection for lingerie and wearing furry mascot costumes. Tyler relishes in his lack of creativity and ability to prove that someone can really have no ability. He is the Clint Howard of Christianity.

  • http://www.dadlife.net kevindeshazo

    Tyler Stanton, the white-man's Antoine Dodson, has lived on this earth since the days of his youth. Raised in the projects on the southside of Fargo, ND, Stanton perfected his craft while hunkered under snow drifts shorter than Asian midgets. His craft? Let's just say it would make the E-Trade baby blush. It is unclear what his actual "job" is, though he somehow manages to provide for his "wife and kids" (see: addiction to non-fat soy lattes with sprinkles). Tyler can read. On Tuesdays. While wearing his "I Heart Miley" t-shirt and cut-off jeans.

  • yousaidso

    Tyler spends spends most of his time writing and spending time with his family. Except for Monday evenings, when sits down to watch the Bachelor. As one of only 3 straight men who watch the show, he is beignning an online forum to discuss each episode as it airs. His forum screen name is BradisbackOMG

  • http://www.ajpassman.com AJP

    As a young boy, Tyler Stanton made a name for himself. That name was Ricky.

    Stanton has been described by himself as an "author." He has published at least one book of original observations that he typed for the internet right before that. His book, "Everyday Absurdities: Insights From the World's Most Trivial Man," has been bought several times by his parents and a few friends. During his unem-, self-employment, Tyler has stood in front of cameras directed by the professional and attractive Tripp Crosby and watched as the several dollars have poured in. Tyler is best known for swashbuckling, tackling important issues like "Pet Peeves" and "How you can cancel cable and still have it all," and for watching videos on YouTube that other people made. Tyler's comedic style consists of making side-comments to everyday events, which has never been done before ever. The beautiful woman with Tyler is apparently his wife and is here by choice; and they have two kids, he says. Tyler has a website somewhere, and he can be reached at jcluvrxoxo1@juno.com.

    • Tyler Stanton

      "Tyler's comedic style consists of making side-comments to everyday events, which has never been done before ever" might be the line of the day. I just did that embarrassing head snap-back when I read it.

  • yousaidso

    Tyler paints his left pinky nail red every week, to honor the life and death of Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes from the R&B group TLC. He would wear eye black under his left eye to honor her, but his wife won't let him.

    • http://www.mascotcostumessale.com Chris

      ha ha he is missing the condom in the left eye, and the silly hat that would complete the whole custume.
      Regards http://www.mascotcostumessale.com

  • http://www.theysaybuild.com Justin

    Tyler Stanton is a thief and you shouldn't talk to him.

  • stephaniekandray.com

    Tyler was a member of the boy band Five Fine Fellas before retiring from the music business in 2003. He enjoys his family by secretly wearing his wife's high heals around the bathroom and occasionally peeing in his son's pull-ups. Tyler also collects Italian womens toenail clippings and hairballs from black alpaca's.

  • Kyle

    Tyler Stanton:
    Loves to pretend to work at Yankee Candle to show off his knowledge about scents.
    Is a 6.5 on the Richter Scale.
    Actually hates black coffee but drinks it to prove he’s not a racist.
    Is not one to leave a glass half empty… Only half full.

  • jmharkey

    A lot of people can't, but Tyler Stanton most certainly can.

  • Rick

    More powerful than 20 Mule-Team Borax, Tyler holds several records on URDB including World's Highest Number of Groin Strikes Received in 1 Minute (a must-see video) and World's Longest Pet Peeves list. His book of Everyday Absurdities has been stabilizing wobbly coffee tables since 2009. He is best known for that time that he did that thing that was kinda funny once but not anymore. He prefers 2-ply Angel Soft over Quilted Charmin for most situations requiring bath tissue.

    • j.t.

      this is my fav

  • Dan

    Tyler is a leader in the Bloggers with Bowl Cuts support group. As such, he has produced an informational video outlining the numerous benefits of the hairstyle.

  • Kit

    Mr. Stanton is a furry lovable little guy. He loves old corvettes, the movie Rambo, dogs, and cuddles. Beware, dont get him wet or little evil Tyler's will run amok in your town. Enjoy his big brown eyes and unintelligible garble but just dont feed him after midnight. Oh wait…I am thinking of Gremlins…

  • Cliff

    A complicated and robust individual, Tyler Stanton (T-Stan to his “Crew”) has leveraged a multitude of neuroses and minor personality quirks into a vast media empire spanning online, print (BUY THE BOOK PLEASE!!), video, and, remarkably, the close knit world of Brady Bunch Fan Fiction (using his pen name “Pork Chop”). Tyler has a personality that can only be describes as “Zesty”. He combines the sensitive bad boy of Patrick Swayze in “Road House” and the comedic timing of Rene Auberjonois (of Benson fame), with a dash of the sassiness and vocal inflection portrayed by Jackee Harry in the classic sitcom “227”. Tyler and his family reside in the Atlanta, GA area where they enjoy paintball, decorative paper mache, reenacting classic presidential debates, Parkour, and frequent trips to Quiznos.

  • http://twitter.com/imtimrhodes @imtimrhodes

    Tyler Stanton is mostly animal. He does his crossword puzzles in pen, and his guilty pleasures include beef jerky, bird watching, and bowl cuts. He has a wife and two children, and abs, which he affectionately refers to as "The Scenario."

  • david

    Tyler really thinks r-o-l-a-i-d-s spells relief.
    He believes the Olympics are still an attainable goal for him. Probably as a pommel horse gymnast.
    He and his sons enjoy headshots-only rock fights.
    To this day, his wife thinks his teeth are real.
    Tyler honestly doesn't want you to be scared of him, but he understands.

  • david

    tyler really thinks r-o-l-a-i-d-s spells relief.
    he truly believes the olympics are attainable in his lifetime. as a pommel horse gymnast.
    to this day, his wife thinks his teeth are real.
    he and his dog enjoy tripping one another.
    tyler never intends for you to be scared of him, but he understands.

  • http://seekingpastor.wordpress.com seekingpastor

    Want a good accordion player? Tyler Stanton is your man. Need an extra for your movie "Human Speed Bump?" Again, see Tyler Stanton. Need a writer with wit and wisdom? Tyler Stanton does, too–you know, for ghost-writing purposes.