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Temporary Access

June 8th, 2011 - Uncategorized - 20 Comments »

I just realized something wonderful. When Tripp borrowed my phone in Ecuador a couple weeks ago to send a tweet, he added his account to my Twitter app. What this means (for those of you who don’t realize my good fortune) is this – I have full access to Tripp’s Twitter account to do/say anything I want. He’s in LA today hosting something, so my guess is he’ll be out of commission for most of the day.

This is where you come in. I need some ideas. Time is of the essence.

What should I do? What should I tweet?

Make sure you’re following Tripp on Twitter so you can see what happens.

And yes, I realize a man of good character and integrity wouldn’t be taking advantage of a friend like this. Thankfully, I possess neither of those qualities.

  • http://www.immodiumabuser.com immodiumabuser

    If you were a man of good character and integrity, this site wouldn't be quite as funny as it is and I certainly never would have read your book :) – That being said, you should be very mature with his account and send fun messages to Anthony Weiner so that he can pretend he was hacked too…

  • jeremylovesjesus

    I am always partial to tweets having anything to do with either Team Jacob or Team Edward, as well as Tripp's developing fondness for wearing Spanx under his suit jackets…for that added support.

  • http://www.tylertarver.com Tyler Tarver

    Have him reinforce how much he loves mundane things with occasional 12 year old girl emphaisis. Like:

    Oh my gosh, OMG to the MAX! I just LOVE paper. It's so useful. OMG IT'S GREAT! It's SO great. Mmm. Yummy. Yum Yum.

  • http://clintmillercreative.com clintm

    1 – "Did you see the new Twilight trailer yet?!? OMG I can't wait!" (thanks to jeremylovesjesus for the idea)
    2 – "I feel that 'The Thong Song' becomes much more relevant when you put it into practice."
    3 – "Any suggestions for making my 2pm rectal exam less awkward?"
    4 – "I hate to admit it, but Tyler was right. About everything. Ever."

    That's all I got off the top of my head…

  • http://www.tylertarver.com Tyler Tarver

    Have him quote things incorrectly or use the wrong you're/your so a whole bunch of his followers correct him.

  • Andrea

    Leet speak. Definitely. Hands down the most irritating thing on the Internet. But make sure it’s long enough to really irritate.

  • Elizabeth R

    "Man, I am so excited about seeing Taylor Swift [and/or Justin Bieber] in concert!"

    "Tyler Stanton is pretty much the best. Ever."

  • http://www.adaupdates.blogspot.com Scott

    I've heard stories about how Twitter has helped people in emergencies. I think Tripp should be stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper and tweet for help from any of his followers that may be at the event he is hosting.

    • wbd1023

      While humming The National Anthem and clapping like a mad man.

  • aimee

    Tweet about plucking wedgies in public.

  • http://goinswriter.com/ Jeff Goins

    Hilarious. How about this: "Need a good place near Hollywood to get a mani-pedi AND great tan – any recommendations?"

  • http://www.badlydrawnbible.com Jared

    I don't have an iPhone, but isn't there an app for scheduling tweets to post later? Can you set it up to post ridiculous stuff for weeks to come? Like at 10:15 next Tuesday: "Just sneezed so hard I peed a little."

    • http://andreayorkmuse.com Andrea York

      that's delightfully evil but oh so funny.

  • http://abluesicanwhistle.blogspot.com Tim

    Here are a few suggestions:

    1. Anyone follow Congressman Anthony Weiner? I think I may have hacked his account by mistake last week.
    2. Looking forward to the midnight showing of Judy Moody tomorrow! Who's with me??
    3. I decided to stay out here in LA and give everything I left in Atlanta to Tyler. Enjoy the ferret! He loves cuddling.

  • yousaidso

    anything related to poop works. always. forever.

  • mrimperial

    Make him tweet something that looks like he's having a private text conversation.

    "No, I said HANES, not Fruit of the Loom. You know I can't wear Fruit of the Loom."

    • Hannah

      and definitely add Mom to the Hanes one. lol

  • Gordon

    "Anyone know how to get urine stains out of suede?"
    "Woke up to discover one of my eyebrows is gone. #notagain"
    "My bellybutton is extra linty today"
    "Trying to decide on a new haircut… 90's Vanilla Ice or 70's David Bowie?"

  • http://www.jaredaclifton.com jaredaclifton

    "Guys, my name isn't really Tripp. I can't believe any of you actually thought it ever was. It's actually Artemis."

    "Having a really hard time making sure my belly-button piercing stays clean. Anybody have some good tips on how to do it easily?"

    "Sometimes I pee in a Gatorade bottle even if I don't have to"

  • http://www.scottbermingham.com Scott Bermingham

    "Tyler was right, they don't have toilet paper."