This morning I’m at a Catalyst meeting, so you get the privilege of hearing from Mr. Scott Moore (or “Scooter Mo” as he prefers I call him). Scooter Mo has recently started blogging again, so make sure you go check out his site. But don’t do that right now. Right now you should read about dentist office people.

Dentist office waiting rooms are very strange places with very strange people in them. And very old magazines. When Tyler asked me to guest post, I knew I had to write about my last experience in a dentist’s office waiting room. Partly because it was bizarre, but mostly because Tyler already has a running theme involving dentistry and waiting rooms.

Initially, I was very tempted to tell you about the 11yr old boy making up his own remix to Shake Ya Tail Feathers*, complete with custom choreography. Instead, I went with the 4 types of people you are likely to find in a dentist’s office waiting room (but only because I couldn’t get a video of the young boy’s dance moves. And I couldn’t get a video because I didn’t want to be perceived as some random guy videoing young boys).

Anyway, here are a few people I encounter that I experience every single time:

The Sleeper – Sleepers make me so nervous. I don’t understand how they just sit there and sleep in a waiting room. What if they snore? Or pass gas? Or worse, what if their name is called? Every time a hygienist calls out a name and no one immediately gets up, I begin sweating. I want to rip a page from my May 2008 Sports Illustrated, wad it up, and throw it at them. Just in case.

The Overzealous Reader – This guy stands at the magazine table meticulously sorting through all the Ladies’ Home Journals until he’s tucked enough under his arm to entertain him until Christmas. Hey guy, did you ever think you’re not the only one who wants to learn 7 Simple Steps to Blasting Thigh Fat?

The Starer – This person needs no entertainment. He just sits there in his chair, hands resting on his stomach staring straight ahead. Somehow not staring at anything in particular, yet at everything all at the same time. If you don’t play your cards right, your teeth might wind up in his basement.

The Talker – This guy doesn’t have to announce his arrival as his cologne alerts everyone in the vicinity to his presence. But he will. He spouts out his rehearsed jokes more fluidly than Channing Tatum’s moves in the dance/romance film Step Up. “God, it smells like a dentist office in here!” he proclaims to everyone in the waiting room and then proceeds to laugh at his very topical wisecrack. Never mind – his teeth will be the ones in the The Starer’s basement.

This can’t be every type of person in a waiting room. Who did I miss?

*I’m not sure if “tail feathers” is supposed to be combined into one word or remain as two. Any rulings on this? Nelly?