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A Beginner’s Guide to Helping Someone Move

November 28th, 2011 - Uncategorized - 27 Comments »

I know I’m stating the obvious here, but the real reason any of us help a friend move is so the favor will be returned at some point in the future. That, or he’s already helped you and this is your payback. The point is, no one’s doing it out of pure kindness. It’s too awful.

You will find yourself in this situation sooner or later, though, so you need to be prepared. I’ve compiled a guide to help you make this, the most painful of situations, a notch less painful.

Timing is everything. Unloading a U-Haul is like a game of chess. You’ve got to be thinking 4-5 moves ahead at all times so you don’t get stuck carrying the solid oak chest of drawers.

Limp early and often. It is imperative that everyone is fully aware of your knee problem so you can avoid hauling a sleeper sofa up two flights of stairs. Speaking of…

FACT: Humanity is at its absolute worst when carrying furniture up stairs. People can’t be held responsible for what they say or how mad they get at inanimate objects.

Don’t have an opinion. Any time you get a bunch of guys together to move stuff, each person will have their own opinion about what fits where and what should go in next. Don’t waste your breath. The guy who brought his own hand truck and ratchet straps will always win (as he should).

Be the guy who hands out boxes. You know who I’m talking about. He’s the one who gets up in the truck and just hands stuff out for other people to carry. At first glance, it appears he’s taking one for the team. Really, though, he’s just taking everyone for a ride.

Moving is like pizza – it’s way better with beer.

Three’s company, two’s a crowd. If there are less than three people involved in the moving process, your friendship will be ruined.

Yes, it will all fit. You may think it won’t, but it always does. The most powerful thing in the world is the power of not wanting to take two trips.

What about you?

Any tips for helping someone move? Let us know in the comments.

  • http://www.everythingpastor.com NickFarr

    I'm getting ready to move and can't wait to hear all my family members say choice words when we have to push our crap up stairs. Number #6 is key.

  • http://www.evanforester.com EvanForester4

    New rule: Don't move into an apartment on the third story for any reason. Family will be forced to help you, but don't expect anything more.

    Strategy: Plan your times for being out of the country around when people are moving. Although you cannot be offended when they aren't there to help you.

  • http://bradshimomura.wordpress.com Brad Shimomura

    Beautiful! I just moved (into my parent’s basement, which means I’ll be moving again soon), and I saw all of these!

  • http://abluesicanwhistle.blogspot.com Tim

    WOW I love this post. Hilarious.

  • http://twitter.com/JasonRWarren @JasonRWarren

    Beer drinking should be early and often. Because as we all know, with beer…its better.

  • http://jeffreyjeffords.com/2010/09/road-trips/ jjeffords

    Man, that's some timely advice for me! A friend just called in their payback move for later this week. I'll be keeping quiet while favoring my ankle until it's time to unleash the power of not taking two trips. Great post Tyler!

  • http://jonathanpettus.com JP

    Always request the manual transmission uhaul truck. Nothing helps you relax after that exhausting 4-hour-loading-session like driving a 27'-foot, 9-ton stick-shift through traffic in the rain…especially if it's been more than five years since your wife taught you how to drive a stick. Thanks for nothing, Dad.

  • http://robshep.com rob shepherd

    One piece of advice is don't own a truck. If you own a truck everyone and their mom will think that you are friends and ask you to help them move.

  • http://bryanallain.com bryan a

    don't have much to add here, you pretty much nailed it.

    My wife's uncle called me to help him move about a month ago with a voicemail. I never returned it, and didnt see him again until the night before moving day. I said nothing of the move and neither did he. It snowed the next day. He probably hates me.

  • http://www.adaupdates.blogspot.com Scott Moore

    I think the position of Guy Who Hands Out Boxes should be reserved for the person who is actually moving. At the end of the day when all of the boxes are out of the truck and inside the new house, they are the one who has to unpack all those boxes.

    Note that while you are being considerate and allowing them save their energy for the unpacking, you can still call them names such as "nancy" and question their manhood each time they give you a box.

    Also, you should do a follow up post: A Beginner's Guide to Asking Others to Help You Move. It should include things like letting them if multiple stories are involved and always prewarn everyone that your sofa is actually a sleeper. You have to mentally prepare for these things.

  • http://ricknierwoo.blogspot.com Rick

    I would add that you should require to see signed RSVP's for others coming to help. Otherwise your 'friend' will be wondering aloud all day where everyone else is. 'Yep, he should have been here by now,' he'll say.

    Guess what? He's not coming. He never was.

  • mrimperial

    My wife and I have moved 7 times in the last 6 years, and in three weeks, we'll embark on move #8. Thank God I played so much Tetris as a kid.

  • Kyle

    If, by chance, you have the opportunity to hire a moving company, research the company. Ask questions. I was given money by my school do move so I hired the cheapest moving company on the Internet and later hated myself for it. The company sent out the most out of shape movers to move me into my 3rd story apartment. One of the guys had to take frequent smoking breaks to catch his breath… Makes sense, right? So long story short, I spent the day moving everything with the other guy up three stories.

    I later found out Smokie McSmokerson quit after that move. He lasted one day on the job.

    Lesson learned: I'll always be the guy who helps on a move…. Because I am moving soon and I'm not using another moving company. I'm going to use my friends that owe me one.

  • allisonlh

    We girls have it pretty easy: We can claim that just about anything but a box of pillows is too heavy (but won't tell you that we can press 40+ pounds at the gym) and get away with it. If that doesn't work, the "it's not heavy, but it's too bulky and awkward" excuse flies about 70% of the time.

  • http://missionallendale.wordpress.com/ Joey Espinosa

    I haven't been asked to move in a while. Probably because of a combination of all of your tips.

  • David

    we moved once a year for the first 5 years of being married – and helped our friends at least once a year too… and you've pretty much nailed it.

    the only two cents i have is – if you've asked me to help move, make sure your home is actually ready to move when i get there. if we're still packing boxes and your fridge is full because you just got groceries yesterday – you should have said – hey can you help me pack?

    • dawnie d

      Yes, this!

    • Tyler Stanton

      Great call.

  • http://www.thecreativebridge.com Jon Owen

    Ok, I'm not sure if Randy Alcorn would agree, or if Don Piper had to spend 90 minutes in hell if he could confirm, but I TRULY believe that eternity in hell will be a version of moving day in Georgia/Alabama on the hottest, most humid day in August.

  • http://www.impededstream.tumblr.com kurt

    Long ago, my firends and I determined that helping someone move is such a selfless act, that for every time you help someone move, you get one "Get out of Hell, Free" card. Killed a guy, but helped your friend from high school move into his first two story condo? St. Pete will still let you in.

  • Mark

    “gotta go home. tweaked the knee.”
    Best excuse ever.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kevinrhaggerty Kevin Haggerty

    Fantastic post. I've either moved or helped other people move roughly 6 times in the past 6 months. Not kidding. Crowns in Heaven. Just sayin'.

    I've never pulled this move, but it's been used on me and I respect it. That card being the "Show-up-four-hours-into-the-move-and-apologize-profusely-for-not-getting-there-earlier-due-to-an-unforeseeable-act-of-God-but-show-an-overly-and-inappropriate-desire-to-move-anything-and-everything-which-is-easy-to-feign-when-you-already-know-for-certain-that-everything-heavy-has-already-been-moved-thus-saving-you-from-having-to-make-good-on-your-promise."

    It's the ultimate trump card. It's like getting a royal flush. It's fairly unbeatable.

  • David C

    Show up inebriated and start dropping things. You’ll be told your services are no longer needed.

  • http://www.jmlalonde.com Joe Lalonde

    My tip….

    Don't move in the first place!

  • http://www.youredoingitright.com dustyken

    "Moving is like pizza – it’s way better with beer."

    That statement is begging to be tweeted.

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  • Kelly K

    “Grab something and walk fast. No one will question you.”