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Who Looks the Most Ridiculous?

February 28th, 2012 - Uncategorized - 30 Comments »

  

There are certain subgroups of society that have become so commonplace, I think we’ve forgotten to properly acknowledge how ridiculous they look. They’re everywhere – we encounter them on a daily basis. If we’re not careful, we’ll begin to view their appearance as normal – and I won’t stand for it.

It’s time that someone addresses the elephant in the room.

Amateur Cyclists
Is there any other sport where you have to look exactly like the professionals on your first day? I mean, I get the need for spandex and padding. But can’t we all agree to ease into it a bit?

Steven Tyler
My allegiance to Steven Tyler goes way back (Get a Grip was my first CD purchase, for the love). And I’m not 100% sure what the age is when you should stop dressing like you’re a character from a Lewis Carroll novel. But at the ripe age of 63, that ship has most-certainly sailed.

Airport Cop Riding a Segway
You’ve really got all your bases covered. If your method of transportation causes anyone to doubt the airport’s security, all they have to do is look up at your bicycle helmet to regain that peace of mind.

Anyone Riding a Segway
Come to think of it, I can’t think of a single situation where the sight of someone on a Segway has resulted in respect.

Lacrosse Players
From the waist up, you’re a football player. From the waist down? You’re a suburban dad getting ready to mow his lawn.

Bill Belichick
Is anyone else on the planet trying to pull off a homemade short-sleeved hoody? The answer is no, Bill. And there’s a reason for that.

Sign Holders Outside of a Store
I know bringing this up is like pouring salt in your wounds, but didn’t you kind of sign up for ridicule? (Pun quite intended)

Lady Gaga
I’m all self-expression, but at what cost? I mean, didn’t you feel at least a tinge of embarrassment small talking to Paul McCartney at the Grammy’s with a plastic cage on your face?

Out of these, who do you think looks the most ridiculous? Did I overlook someone?

  • http://www.theisleofman.net/ Kevin Haggerty

    It has to be Gaga. She looked like she ran into a screen door on the way out of the house and just decided not to take it off. She’s trying too hard. Way…way too hard.

  • http://www.brandonschmidt.me/ Brandon Schmidt

    One exception to the Segway rule: GOB Bluth.

    • http://tylerstanton.com Tyler Stanton

      Touche. You couldn’t be more right.

      • http://www.brandonschmidt.me/ Brandon Schmidt

        It’s ok, GOB is awesome in a ridiculous way (or maybe it’s ridiculous in an awesome way).

  • http://bryanallain.com Bryan Allain

    I’m going with sign holders. The level of pity I feel for these folks is off the charts because I’d rather amputate my own nose than read whatever is on their sign.

    Also, lay off Coach Bill. You can’t question genius.

    • http://www.ryanhaack.com Ryan Haack

      I know who my friends are. And they aren’t Bryan Allain. (Had to)

    • http://www.evanforester.com Evan Forester

      The other day I saw a 75 year old woman, wearing a statue of liberty costume, covered by a poncho, standing outside in the rain. That caused some serious pity. 

    • Dave Decker Jr

       no one hates cuffs more than this man

    • http://www.thedailyretort.com/ TorConstantino

      Nose amputation is like major surgery for you right?

  • OH SO PRETTY

    annnnnd Lady Gaga FTW.  She once wore a dress made of meat.  It cannot get more ridiculous than that but she will certainly try. 

  • http://twitter.com/rodneyeason Rodney Eason

    Someone has to say it… the knee high riding boots worn over pants. Looks uncomfortable. And hot. Unless you ride a horse. Or live at Downton Abbey.

  • http://twitter.com/JavinProctor Javin Proctor

    Any body else have a liberty tax in their town? People dressed in statue of liberty and uncle sam outfits….really?! when did street side costume marketing become effective?

  • Rknight

    Anyone who has ever had BOTOX

  • http://twitter.com/KevinKeigley Kevin Keigley

    Sign guy.
    Every time.
    How does an obese man in a shiny blue M&M costume, that barely covers his satisfied torso, bring in any business for Cash to Go?
    He stands there waving whilst holding some sort of official paperwork in his giant white-mitted hands.

    C’mon, guy – look in the mirror.
    People aren’t waving, they are laughing and wrecking their cars because of you.

  • http://www.chadgibbs.com Chad Gibbs

    We have a sign guy here in town that dresses up like the Statue of Liberty, but usually he isn’t wearing the mask, making him just a guy in a strange colored dress.  

  • http://lauramcclellan.com Laura McClellan

    I saw a hipster at the grocery store (this is Nashville, so that part is not unusual) but he was wearing a touque-type hat that looked like it was made out of polar bear fur. it had ears, and…wait for it…A TAIL. it had a tail, guys. it went all the way down to his back. 

    Also, (another hipster incident) a guy who was not only wearing the normal hipster garb of skinny black jeans and a black v-neck (acceptable) but also wearing a red michael-jackson/members-only-esque jacket AND had hair like Jimmy Neutron if he were stuck in the 50′s. Pick one. Jacket OR hair. not both.

  • Cindy Harris

    Angelina Jolie’s leg. ‘nuf said.

  • http://www.coolpeoplecare.org Sam Davidson

    Tyler: Have you ever ridden a Segway? This post smacks of your ignorance. Get on one and then repent of your foolishness. As soon as I have the cash (and the stones), I’m getting one and selling my car. 

    Amateur cyclists probably feel the same way, but c’mon. There’s no way in hell I’m wearing spandex.

    • http://tylerstanton.com Tyler Stanton

      Sam – I have ridden one. I’m not saying they aren’t fun. I’m saying I (and everyone who rode with me that day) looked like an idiot.

      • Hayne

        I will verify Tyler’s Segway confession.
        I would also like to throw out ABC’s Dancing with the Stars Costumes.  I’d rather be on two wheels in full spandex.  

        • http://tylerstanton.com Tyler Stanton

          Yes, Hayne was there. We haven’t been able to look each other in the eye since.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001075962276 Brad Jordan

    You mean I may have been looking at a new amateur cyclist in spandex?  I thought it was some new cottage cheese textured spandex style.  Oh, oh…my eyes!

  • John Gruber

    Don’t tell me you wouldn’t rock this.
    http://www.segway.com/individual/models/x2.php

  • SoEveryDay

    ” a character from a Lewis Carroll novel” 
    - Yes.  His attire makes me laugh every week, but I just couldn’t pinpoint the right genre.

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  • http://www.ramblingbarba.com Ken Hagerman

    I’m going with Sign Guy with one caveat, it must be a sandwich board. How ridiculous is a sheet of plywood with legs? It looks like a giant propaganda laden Oreo shuffling along the sidewalk.

  • http://www.facebook.com/billseybolt Bill Seybolt

    In the same fashion as the sign guys, the poor schlubs that are dressed up in costume promoting business are also ridiculous. You have to think it’s the manager’s call. “Oh, you’re the last one in the office and you’re late? Here’s the lady liberty suit. It’s your turn. Head out until I come in get you.”

  • http://www.thedailyretort.com/ TorConstantino

    I completely agree with amateur cyclists – especially the dudes, what’s with the shaved legs??? Non-pro hairless bikers, are you really performing better with that reduced drag coefficient? 

    As a tangent to Steven Tyler – how about Bruce Jenner. He looks like he’s been under the knife more than a Niman Ranch Holiday Ham….

  • Michael Outler

    Dont forget to add:
    WEEKEND GOLFER/THE LATE PAYNE STEWART LOOK A LIKE! Plaid knickers (sp) and knee-high socks? Uhmm, no!

    THE “I JUST GOT OFF OF A 2000lb BULL” COWBOY GET UP LOOK! With a belt buckle that large it could double as a serving platter.

  • JButtWhatWhat

    Sign guys who have yet to master the over the head, under the leg sign flip. Keep practicing, sign guy, just not…you know…at that busy intersection.