86. Shaking Hands with Someone Who Has Lotion Hands
You know who you are, guy. We don’t like it. Much like the Hug Slapper, you’ve left us no choice but to greet you from across the room from now on.

87. Saving multiple seats
Saving one seat is fine, but if it’s going to involve a jacket, keys, a couple scraps of paper, and at least one outstretched leg, we’re going to have problems. I’m looking at you, movie theater friends.

88. Using emoticons that I can’t decipher
I’m not that busy of a person. But even I don’t have the extra thirteen minutes it’s going to take to decipher what that uppercase “J” means at the end of your email. And while we’re on the subject, can we ban the tongue-exposed, uppercase “P” as well (especially between males)?

89. Order interrogations
This is an actual conversation I had recently at a movie theater:

Would you like to try a pizza?
Of course not.
What can I get for you?
Medium popcorn.
Upsize for a dollar more?
No.
Do you have a Regal club card?
No.
Butter on that popcorn?
No.
Would you like your receipt?
No.

Look guy, deciding to see Something Borrowed by myself was difficult enough. Please don’t force me to make six more decisions before I can touch my popcorn. That’s really the only reason I came.

What’s bothering you these days? Let us know in the comments.

For the first 80+ peeves, click here.

82. The Perpetual Guitar Player
If there’s a guitar anywhere in the room, this guy will be playing it in about 8 seconds. Doesn’t matter the context or level of potential awkwardness – he’s getting a few riffs of Arms Wide Open in, and no one’s stopping him. And it’s not that he’s all that good either. He just can’t stand the two of them being in such close proximity without embracing.

83. Oversized Polo Logo Shirts
Excuse me. I mean Big Pony Polos. It looks like Ralph Lauren lost a bet to the president of Hollister, didn’t have the money to pay, and surrendered design rights to a line of summer polos instead. If you’re wearing one of these and you’re older than 15, I suggest you remove it (along with your shell necklace) and wear literally anything else instead.

84. Chris Harrison’s Last Rose Announcement
Every single episode, he comes out to remind Ashley and the “fellas” that there is only one rose left. Chris, no one has ever been more aware of anything than these remaining contestants are of the existing rose count. I bet he also spends the majority of his own birthday party reminding people that it’s his birthday and his name is Chris.

85. TwitLonger
A service that enables people to ignore Twitter’s alloted 140 characters? No thank you. I’d rather wear Big Pony Polos for the remainder of the summer than click on that link to read those last two words you just couldn’t manage to squeeze in.

What about you? What’s bothering you these days? Remember – this is a safe place. We’re all just as shallow.

To read more in my quest for a million peeves, click here.

Today’s guest post is over at Ricky Anderson’s blog. Ricky played a major part in getting my book converted to the Kindle format, so the eight or nine of you who bought it have him to thank.

Ricky is a network administrator. When he asked me to guest post, I knew it was the perfect time to unleash some of the computer-related pet peeves I’ve had brewing for a while. Things like “double-clicking links” and “typing in the http://”. You know, really important stuff.

Head on over to Ricky’s blog to read the rest. I know you’ve got some of your own, so leave a comment while your there.
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One year ago today, I shared some goals for the upcoming year. For those of you keeping score at home, here’s how I did:

+ Produce 2 eBooks – Fail. Didn’t even produce one eBook. I do have one in the works, but I don’t even know if 2011 is realistic.

+ Post 5 times per week – Fail. I posted about 4 times per week on average.

+ Create a weekly video segment – Win-ish. I created the 5 Questions You’ve Never Been Asked series, but it certainly wasn’t every week. By the way, season two is coming soon. I’ll tell you more about it later…

+ Increase the number of RSS subscribers from 128 to 500 – Win. I’m currently at 672.

+ Be more intentional about responding to comments – Win…I think. I haven’t responded to every comment, but I really have tried to interact more in the comments section.

+ Make $300/month from this blog – Fail.

+ Guest post on 6 different blogs – Win.

+ Sell 1000 copies of my book, Everyday Absurdities – Fail. Right now, I’ve sold 717.

+ Run 500 miles, including 2 half marathons – Win. I ended up running 4 half marathons, with another coming up in March (Galloway method baby).

+ Become a more educated wine consumer – Fail.

+ Take 2 acting classes – Fail.

+ Wake up at 6am every morning – Ha! Fail.

+ Create a video with over 1,000,000 views – Win. High Five Etiquette. Half a million on YouTube, and another half on a bunch of other sites. Things You Can’t Do When You’re Not a Dog might have made it too.

+ Land role in a national commercial – Fail.

+ Start and complete P90X at some point – Fail. I started it twice, but never finished.

+ Read 1 fiction book per month – Fail. I think I read about 6 fiction books…so one every two months.

+ Cook a meal for my family once a week – Fail. I did this once. Barbecue chicken pizza from scratch. It tasted like sandpaper dipped in ketchup.

Wow. That’s a lot of fails. No worries though. The wins are motivation enough to do it again.

Now, go leave a comment on Ricky’s blog for the love.

Don’t forget about the Kindle/PDF Contest. Over $500 in prizes. Almost a guaranteed win. Click here to find out more.

77. Purchase Justification
Out of all the awful things I do, this might be the worst. I do it in almost every area of my life, as though I’m not allowed to have nice things without some caveat. Here’s how it usually goes down:

Neil: Hey man. Nice jeans.
Me: Thirty-nine dollars.
Neil: What?
Me: It’s just that– well, they’re usually eighty.
Neil: Oh. Neat?
Me: I just figured, you know, I don’t have to spend hundreds of dollars on suits and ties like most people, so it just makes sense when you think about it.
Neil: I’m not thinking about it.
Me: Did I mention I paid with cash?

78. Multiple-Step Unsubscribing
Here’s a tip: If you want to guarantee that I never unsubscribe to your email newsletter updates, create multiple steps to unsubscribe. The absolute last page on the entire Internet that I want to visit is your site’s email notification preference pane. It’s both horrible and genius at the same time.

79. WHAAAT?!?!
At what point did athletes start shouting this after doing something awesome? No! No one said anything to you, LeBron. Plus, you shouldn’t be paying attention to what others are saying anyway. You should be concentrating on the game. That’s NBA 101. Next time stick with a double fist pump and something more exclamatory, like “Jackpot!”

80. <10% Full Cereal Box
If I remove a box of cereal from my cabinet that weighs less than a mitten, it might as well not be there. There’s no less satisfying way to start my day than consuming a 25%-full bowl covered in cereal dust. Speaking of…

81. Poorly-Opened Cereal Box
Admittedly, I have a mild case of OCD. If you really want to see it flare up, just haphazardly open a box of Golden Grahams in my presence. A ripped box tab or frayed bag opening causes a brief spike in heart rate and an insatiable need to throw something against a wall. Once I regain my composure, Ol’ Frayed Tab is then treated like the aforementioned <10% full variety and ignored for the remainder of its shelf life.*

What’s bothering you? Don’t worry. This is a safe place. We’re all just as shallow.

* I think it is clear to see that I have a mild cereal problem. It’s an issue I’m working on, but I’m still in stage 2. All I ask is that you give me some time to work through it.

72. Cutie Patootie
Unless it’s 1998 and I’m watching The Rosie O’Donnell Show after school (which, shamefully, I did on a regular basis), I should never hear this expression. Just say it real quick. Seriously…say it. How wrong did that feel?

73. More Than 10 Items in the “10 Items or Less” Line
Nothing matters more to the people behind you in this line than your strict obedience to the 10 item limit. You may think that the extra pack of gum you grabbed during checkout is no big deal, but the fact that it has increased your total item count to eleven is on par with turning around and slapping me in the mouth.

74. Making Sure People Know it Should Be “10 Items or Fewer”
Hey grammar nazis – I know you were probably expecting a slow-motion celebratory embrace when you interrupted my story to inform me I should have said “me” instead of “I”, but that won’t be happening any time soon. All my energy is going towards figuring out if it is possible for us to never be in a conversation again.

75. The Excessive Movie Quoter
Call me conservative, but I believe all people should adhere to a strict 40-to-1 NMQTMQR (non-movie-quote-to-movie-quote ratio). Don’t get me wrong – I love quoting movies. I just– you know what? Never mind. I just decided I’m going to write an entire post about this instead – A Beginner’s Guide to Quoting Movies. Expect it soon.

76. Updating Apps
Dear Apple: I am going to want the latest version of that app I bought 100% of the time. You should never have to ask me about this. There will never be a time when I’m going to want to hunker down with version 3.1.1.2 when 3.1.1.3 is waiting on me with open arms.

Your turn. Finish this sentence: Right now, my biggest pet peeve is…
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