45. “I’m Just Sayin”
This is a distant cousin of “bless her heart”. I believe the thought process is this: As long as I slap this phrase on at the end, I can say whatever brutally honest and cutting statement I want without any repercussions. Well let me set the record straight. You just said it, and yet I’m still really bothered by what you said about the “enormity” of my Adam’s Apple. I’m just sayin.

46. Sticky Menu
I always thought the stickiness was from the last person’s food. But 96% of the restaurants I’ve ever been to have the same policy – waiters (almost forcefully) collect the menus as soon as you’re done ordering. So…why is this menu sticky? Is something– Wait. Never mind. I’d rather not know.

47. “TMI”
No commentary needed. Let’s all vow to never say this again.

48. Really Hidden Keys
If you think you’ve found the perfect hiding spot when hiding a key, you have. Not even you will be able to find it. Doesn’t matter if it’s raining really hard or if there’s something really important inside that you need to get. You won’t be able to. The hiding spot was too perfect.

49. Reply All
Hmmm. All I want to do is congratulate Derek for keeping his mass email update under 1000 words (and for breaking it up into paragraphs). Should I just reply, or reply all? I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. I mean, if I reply to him only, he might not comprehend how proud I really am. And doesn’t Susan also want to know (and Kevin and Rick and Jason and 91 others)? Of course! It would be a crime to keep this between me and Derek. Reply All it is!!

Your turn. I haven’t provided the Pet Peeves platform in awhile, so I know that you’ve got some building up.

For my comprehensive list of peeves, click here, or on the A Million Peeves link above.
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41. The Entrance Ambush
The other day I walked into our local H.H. Gregg and was pounced on by at least three employees (it could’ve been more, but I couldn’t tell due to the fact I was cowering in self-defense). Am I finding everything I’m looking for? Really? This early in the game? Yes sir. I found the entrance. Thank you for your concern.

42. The Trick Question

Cashier: Do you want to save 15%…?
Me: Of course. Who wouldn’t?
Cashier: …by becoming a preferred rewards member?
Me: Oh, no thanks.
Cashier: [Penetrating stare into my soul] It’s free.
Me: Free?
Cashier: Well, sort of. We’ll just add the cost of the membership to the gross purchase total and subtract the 15% that you’ll be saving from the pre-tax amount and you’ll end up saving eight cents today, which in this economy is a pretty good –
Me: There’s nothing I want less than to be a member.

43. Closed Self-Checkout Lines
How are only two out of the six ever open? Please don’t try to explain why. I’m not open to understanding.

44. The Interview
Hey Radio Shack, all I want to do is buy this freaking cord. It seems a little unnecessary (and a lot intrusive) for you to interrogate me with questions about my name, address*, email, phone number, height, weight, shoe size, what magazines I subscribe to, religious beliefs, history of illness, favorite hockey team, cable provider, and what I got for my fourteenth birthday.

Your turn. What bothers you about stores?

Oh, and for more store grievances, check out my post about The Burdens of Shopping for Less and 4 Horrible Things About the Mall.

*If the store we’re in is in the same city that I live in, don’t wait for me to tell you the zip code. I won’t do it. It’s a matter of principal.
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I was on a Young Life staff retreat for the last 36 hours at a camp up in Jasper, Georgia. It was a great 36 hours, but even the best retreats have their share of misfortunes.

37. Sleeping on the top bunk when you’re 28
When I was ten, I would tell you, without hesitation, that sleeping on the top bunk was the best part about my life. I was the king of the room, with my little peasant brother sleeping on the ground level with all the other peasants. Now, though, all I can think about is how to get down without tearing my ACL or shattering my heel.

38. Using another guy’s towel
There isn’t much worse than waking up, walking barefoot across the slimy bathroom floor, and then realizing you forgot to pack a towel. Oh wait, yes there is. It’s when you sneak back in the room and snatch someone else’s towel and spend thirty minutes patting yourself dry because you aren’t sure which part he used to dry off his middle third.

39. Instant coffee
Hey retreat centers, I think I speak for all of us when I say it’s time to pony up a few more dollars a month for some real coffee – doesn’t have to be Starbucks, but shouldn’t be Discount Neil’s Big Bag-o-Syrup either. The least you could do is leave some coffee beans out for me to suck on throughout the day.

40. Retreating from technology
I understand the sentiment, I really do. But what you might not understand is that, for me, “getting away” always involves wireless access and a couple episodes of Arrested Development. What’s that? You want to go hiking and then sit in the dewy grass for a while? I would, but that building over there has air conditioning and chairs.

You’ve been on retreats. What bothers you?
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32. “Awk…ward”
When you’re in the middle of an awkward situation and you say that (you know, the high-pitched, brow-raised “awk….ward”), you’ve successfully made the situation 35x worse. Let’s just let the awkward silence play out – it’s better that way.

33. Touching My Screen
We’ve all been around the guy who really wants to show us something on the computer. Instead of simply pointing to the link he wants me to click, he stabs my screen with his index finger with a force that could pierce skin. It’s not really the smudges that get me – it’s the permanent rainbow-colored bruise on the center of my screen that will last until the end of time.

34. Buying Printer Ink
I would rather my computer literally spit in my face than have it warn me that my printer ink is running low. It’s the second worst warning that it can give me behind “An unexpected error occurred and your hard drive has exploded internally and is melting onto the motherboard as we speak (-1014).” There really is no feeling like spending $29.97 on an ink cartridge that will barely last last long enough to print a 13-page document.

35. Finishing Sentences Incorrectly
Dear sentence finisher, please know me well if you’re going to take on the task of finishing my sentences for me. You’re great and all, but we’ve had one too many of these conversations:

Me: So there I was, right in the middle of this–
Sentence Finisher: Hotel room?
Me: [Pause] No… Walgreens. So I’m in Walgreens, and I run into–
SF: The animal cracker display? And they all crashed to the ground and went everywhere?
Me: No. [Gathering myself]. No, I ran into Darren from my old neighborhood. Anyw–
SF: Anyway…
Me: Nevermind.
SF: What?

36. Announcing Sadness
I don’t feel like I should have to be the one to tell you this, but there are a variety of wonderful ways to express sadness. It seems though, that in recent years, exclaiming “Awww… sad” has surpassed crying, frowning, and lip-quivering as the standard form of communicating sorrow. I don’t know how we end it, but I’m determined to find out.

What’s bothering you?
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All of the previous peeves are now listed on the A Million Peeves page. With your help, I think we can reach one million by 2086. Here are five more to add to the list…

28. Partial Payback
Bro, either pay me back or don’t. If you owe me $20, don’t give me a ten spot and tell me the other half is “on the way”. I’d rather you had just kept your $10 and avoided me for the next two years. Oh, and when you owe me money, don’t tell me about the awesome new iPod you just got. Believe it or not, I’m not happy for you.

29. Ashton CoolPix Commercials
Who’s idea was this? I would rather watch a commercial about feminine hygiene products than sit through Ashton’s failed attempts to be seductively funny (that is what he’s trying to do, isn’t it?).

30. Bathroom Booth
Why do they even put booths this close to the bathroom? Contrary to popular belief, I’d rather dress my salad with Balsamic Vinaigrette than the dense stench of urinal cakes and number twos. Oh, and that door is meant to be a barrier, not a wafting mechanism.

31. Rewards Card Solicitations

Cashier: Would you like to not be an idiot and save 15% of your hard-earned cash by purchasing one these tiny, convenient rewards cards, which is what every smart, responsible person on earth would do in your shoes? Right now you’re saving 0% and would be the laughing stock of this entire store – seriously, we’ll make fun of you for at least the next 8 months – if you decided not to get this. Will you be paying for it with cash or credit?
Me: Wait, how much?
Cashier: Twenty-five dollars.
Me: Twenty-five dollars to save eighty cents?
Cashier: It will make much more financial sense next January, I promise.

What’s frustrating you more than it should?
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